Real life MMD: 'Should singles pay more than couples?'

A.Jones

anggrrr wrote: »

It sounds to me that the "mates" are the male half of the couples and they are turning 30. It's 30 quid each whether single or not in that case as everyone gets the same amount spent on them.

Basically, if you've five mates, why should you get £150 worth when you only put in £75? That said if the partners are all turning 30 too it's a different ball game.

I'd buy a present for a mate, but not for a mate's girlfriend. I wouldn't expect my girlfriend (well, wife) to buy a present for one of my mates, or for his girlfriend.

It is of course badly written like every week so that a dilemma occurs due to the lack of information. If the full story was written then there would be no dilemma, since it would be straightforward to see the right and the wrong.

I read it as a kitty of money was being prepared, and this kitty was going to be spent on a few big joint celebrations / presents for everyone (including partners).

"I have a group of friends and all but one has a girlfriend. Everyone is turning 30 this year, so we're doing big joint presents."

Or course to analyse it in more depth is even worse. A group of friends. All have girlfriends except one. And they are doing joint presents. Are the girlfriends in the group of friends and going to receive presents? If not, then the friends should all pay the same, since girls are nor part of the group. If they are in the group, this means the girlfriends are all turning 30 too, and they are getting presents as they are in the group. It also means that the girlfriends have girlfriends, since the girlfriends are part of the group, and we are told that everyone in the group has a girlfriend (except one). So either this is a bunch of lads with bisexual girlfriends (since their girlfriends have girlfriends), or a group of lesbians which also satisfies the condition that everyone in the group has a girlfriend. .....

It would be much easier, but probably less of a moral dilemma, if the full information was given.

LJRB

Why is everyone making this sound so complicated? It's VERY simple:

As we're talking about birthdays, each couple will receive TWO presents (as obviously their birthdays fall on different dates), the total value being £30, which is £15 per person.

The single person should pay £15.

pjsmiffy

I think you should see it as a badly worded e-mail. It is VERY rare to say that both half's of the couples both would know everyone else and be the same age as there partner. (bit of a clicky school reunion?)

If the group was to decide to go away for a weekend then there might be a single supplemental so the single would pay more than 1/2 the cost of a couple so it just needs some clarification.

With out more info I would guess that the e-mail mean per friend and we will sign it off you and your partner.

torsay

As someone who has been a singleton in a group of couples for a while, I find it difficult to bear the cost of trips and outings - for example, a friend's wedding - couples share 1 room, I have to pay the full cost myself, and single rooms are NOT half the cost of a double. There isn't always another single to share with! Also there's no one to share petrol, share the cost of a wedding gift etc. So I would without a doubt say pay £15. To expect the single person to pay twice as much as those individuals who happen to be in a couple is very unreasonable!

k.mccrindle

I fail to see why there's a debate here....as mentioned somewhere above, if there are 4 couples and this person is single there are 9 people - everyone's birthdays are most probably on different days so essentially, even though it's being given in one sitting, the money is being given to one person at a rate of £15 per person anyway (assuming the person who's birthday it is' partner is also putting in). So the spare person is paying just as much and receiving just as much every time the issue arises. Think this is correct lol.


-Kev

motoko

The important thing here is not how much you pay as a single person or as a couple etc, but that everyone gets a present of a similar value to what they've paid out.

Do you mean that each couple is contributing £30 towards each birthday? So each person is going to contribute £15 towards your birthday, and you should put £15 towards each of theirs. Then you've contributed £30 towards the presents for each couple, corresponding to what they've paid towards yours, also everyone gets a present of about the same value. If you wanted to put in £30 per present then I guess you could and you'd expect them to put £60 per couple towards your present, but then you'd get a bigger present than anyone else and you'll probably find they don't want to spend that much on you anyway.

Or is each couple putting in £30 towards a joint present for each other couple? In this case it needs to be established whether they are still going to put £30 each towards your present even though there is only one of you. If so, you should also contribute £30 towards each of their presents. Again you are paying the same towards their presents as they pay towards yours. You don't have to share your present and everyone else does, but you have no-one to share the cost with so that's fair. However if you prefer you could contribute £15 towards each joint present, then each couple should only contribute £15 towards your present, and you get a smaller present than everyone else but don't have to share it.

At the end of the day, its going to be fair either way. The chances are that they are all wondering how its going to work when it comes to your birthday, so it would be good for everyone to have a bit of clarity. Just get in touch with whoever seems to be organising it to clarify the situation, decide how much you want to contribute (i.e. as much as each other couple or each other person), and make sure everyone knows then they'll know how much to put in towards your present.

Augustus_the_Strong

THRIFTY_GIRL wrote: »

Is each person receiving a present or each couple?

Assuming they are sharing one present between two, while you will get a present to yourself I think it's fair that you pay the same amount.

I was thinking why should you pay more than your own half, but this point is absolutely fair.

serious_saver

From the OP I don't quite understand if you are buying presents for just your friends or their girlfriends as well? If you are only buying for the friends then I would say pay up if not settle for only £15.

A few people have said that £30 is expensive for a birthday gift but I actually like this idea a lot. Over the course of a year you'll be saving money. For example, if the group of friends include 6 people you'll only be paying the equivalent of £6 per person. For a 30th birthday I would probably end up spending at least £10 but probably more.

Coni

What's the problem? "So much per couple" implies half for singles. We always do it that way and nobody expects otherwise.:T:)

pineapple

chopperwelsh wrote:

Is it fair that a single person buys a present for each of their friends on their individual birthdays but when it comes to their birthday they receive a single present from the couple? Ive been a victim of this and also guilty of this in the past.

Spot on. I used to buy every member of one particular family carefully considered Christmas presents but used to get just one item from the lot of them. They were a lot better off than me anyway and no thought seemed to go into the choosing of the present. So one year I saw the light and switched to a communal gift.
I just think this whole scenario is ridiculous. It belongs in box 101 along with itemised wedding lists, sorry. What happened to giving according to your means and relationship? You might as well just forget it and let everyone agree to buy their own presents to the same value - it's that stupid. And personally I hate someone setting an amount..
How about everyone donating £10 per person to charity INSTEAD?