Right or Wrong

Bellio

Just a quick one for you.

You recieve CB, CSA, Tax Credits for your 17 year old who is in full time education (6th form) she gets EMA and has recently got herself a Part time waitressing job, bit a bit of extra cash to go to concerts, see her mates etc.

Would you take board off her ? Or confiscate her Cash card so that you can check to make sure that her EMA payments have been delayed this week and she hasnt been lying to you.

P.s not me, this is coming from PWC.

Just wondered what your thoughts were.

TWEETYPIE_3

Hi,
Thinking back to when I was a 6th former 92-94, I like most teenagers abused my mums love for me. My mum used to give me £30 a week for college & still buy my clothes, toiletries on weekends I was extremely lucky as I had an older mum, who didnt have a clue, she felt as long as I was in full time education, I didnt need to have a saturday job. She/I recvd no maintainance as my father had died when I was 12 & they werent married so no CSA payments & Tax credits didnt exist.
As soon as I finnished my A levels I choose not to go to Uni. straight away, I then went to another FE college for a part time course, just to waste time and to stop nagging. I was advised no job, no home I took the first job I could find in a bingo hall £3.20phr (pre min. wage) I had to give my mum £50 per week keep plus join a £20 Per week saving club. I have nieces & nephews that recieve EMA based on what my brother & sisters have said problems with none payment tend to be delayed by none attendance/lateness to college. My advise would be to ask for a small some such £20 per week, and save this for her as I belive EMA is ending soon, so you'll both need the money. I might also suggest you have a discreet word with her college (you dont wont her to think you dont trust her) to ensure attendance & punctuallty if she is going, then great. If not, do not mention to her you know, but request your house keeping i'm sure as long as she has no other issues for not going to college EMA will suddenly arrive on time

Good Luck

gratefulforhelp_2

You're really asking us to give you some support for intervening?

I can see both points of view here, I wouldn't charge for her keep, but there are valuable lessons to be learned from it.

AnxiousMum

Not sure......but......isn't going unauthorised into someone's bank account illegal? For any reason?

Obviously there is a trust issue with the pwc and the child.......do you have a better relationship with the child? Could you suggest a session together to go over finances with her, to 'guide' her into making wise decisions, set up a budget for her so that she could see how handling her money (EMA and part time wages) properly now may mean that at the end of her course she may have a nice little sum of money to start up her own life with?

I wouldn't be prepared as a pwc to charge room and board off of the child - after all, the pwc is receiving benefits for the child as well as child support -so room and board should not be an issue. Room and board to me, is what you get from an adult child who is working full tme but still living at home - and even at that, I charge mine £20 per week - after all, he's saving money and trying to ensure that when he does set up on his own, that he has money in the bank.

Maybe if your daughter has a hard time saving, you could arrange with her (sit with her online banking, or go into the branch with her) to set up a direct debit from her account into a joint account 'in trust' or something to ensure that she is building up some savings.

Bellio

Just to clarify, Im the NRPP, Not the PWC.

I do agree about her having to make some wise spending choices, but I dont think at this stage she should be paying board and lodge.
I just wanted an outside persepective to be honest, as I thought that the PWC was being unreasonable, especially taking her card from her.
Have spoken at length to her but she is afraid of repercussions from her mother is she "rocks the boat".

Thanks

gratefulforhelp_2

If you are the NRPP, then I would really not get involved as noone will thank you, and you will be a convenient scapegoat when they fix the problem...

GobbledyGook

Could it be an end of tether thing?

Perhaps the mother is concerned that the child hasn't been attending college, therefore no EMA and is trying to hide it?

That could be legitimate (although badly handled) because if the child has dropped out of college then the mother could end up with overpayments of benefits - not to mention concerns about the child's future.

Kimitatsu

I am the NRPP of a 17 year old who told his mother just this. Over £1500 later she realises that she has been duped (not that she noticed until she was well into a 4 figure sum but thats another story!)

Being honest, I assume this is coming from the 17 year old and not mum? You ALL need to get around a table and have a discussion about her EMA and check whether she has been going to college when she is supposed to have.

Personally I wouldnt take board off her - just my opinion but she is 17, and still legally in full time education. You can express your opinion but as gratefulforhelp has said, you are likely to be the wicked stepmother if you intervene (and thats from both sides!) That conversation is for your partner to have with the PWC really not you.

Will move this to the families board so you can get better responses

January20

Honestly? I do not understand what is wrong with some parents in this country that they cannot wait to benefit financially from their children! (comment made after reading umpteen threads on these boards)

I'm in the situation you describe, I work full time and get the benefits you describe and my dd is 17, in full time education and receives EMA. I don't want her to get a part-time job apart from the odd babysitting assignment because I want her to concentrate on her education, on getting the best A level results she can in order to go to university later on. That's what EMA is for.

I would never ever take board from her unless she was in full time employment!
I would never confiscate her bank card and check her account. I have too much respect for her.
I am shocked. Does the parent with care not work?

Also, if the PWC is concerned about school/ college attendance, couldn't she contact the relevant authorities directly. I know if I had a concern about my daughter, I would ring the school and speak to her form tutor, or the head of sixth form.

peachyprice

Who get's the CB and CTC, the PWC I presume? Surely that covers the childs' board and keep?

So she also wants to take something from the daughters EMA and waitressing?

Greedy parent is what I say.

*Louise*

I wouldn't take anything off a child while they are still at school and still having CB/WTC paid for them.

I think taking the card off them to check their account is a seperate matter, and should be discussed - They should be entitled to a degree of privacy and not treated like a young child.