Abba1772's Debt Free Diary

beanielou

OMG, that is a LOT in a short time. Wow.  xx

abba1772

Well he came home and I gave him the silent treatment for 2 hours as was still furious and seeing his face just annoyed me even more.  Ended up having a full on shouting match with him about loaning his mum money without asking me.  

He ended up messaging his mum saying I had found out and he was worried for his marriage as he had never seen me so angry before as at this point I had had enough of bailing him out and paying for my birthday and Xmas pressies.  I even told him I want nothing from him anymore if it goes on a credit card and that includes Christmas he was very shocked.

he now knows I’ve paid off his credit cards in fact both of them last year that’s nearly £9k I paid off for him.

I told him I worked extremely hard to get us in this position of remortgaging to get a better deal which would benefit us in the long run and I was annoyed he had no regard for that.

then he got the silent treatment again.

about half an hour later his mum put £100 in his account and he paid it straight over to the credit card only £700 to go on her part.  I think I’m more annoyed that whilst he bought me a iPad for £400 it’s the fact he can’t tell me where the rest of the money got spent on he’s he bought lots of little bits but it doesn’t add up to what he’s spent.

he also informed me he’s reduced his overdraft from £400 to £150 so I can see he’s trying but I’m not sure if he’ll keep trying as the older he gets the worse he gets with money as I think at the back of his mind he knows I’ll bail him out.

Not any more I’ve had enough now xx

Willowtree222

Ah no, sorry Abba. That must be so frustrating.
Great news on the mortgage application though xx

abba1772

Nicnak said:

Ah no, sorry Abba. That must be so frustrating.
Great news on the mortgage application though xx

Yeah first stage passed with flying colours so fingers crossed it all goes ok on Saturday xx

Pink_Butterfly

Hey Abba! You’re absolutely right - while you keep bailing him out he will keep spending. I’m fuming for you & I don’t even know either of you 😂 but I have been in your position before, and I know how incredibly frustrating it is. He needs to work out why he keeps spending so much and putting himself (and you, after all, you’re married so everything is joint) back in debt. He will be trying hard now because he knows how angry you are, it’s the bit when this blows over that you need to be concerned about. When things calm down then that’ll be the real test. He can’t keep doing it to you though, it’s completely unfair. I’m sure he’s a lovely person but he really needs to stop this before he does some serious damage x

abba1772

Pink_Butterfly said:

Hey Abba! You’re absolutely right - while you keep bailing him out he will keep spending. I’m fuming for you & I don’t even know either of you 😂 but I have been in your position before, and I know how incredibly frustrating it is. He needs to work out why he keeps spending so much and putting himself (and you, after all, you’re married so everything is joint) back in debt. He will be trying hard now because he knows how angry you are, it’s the bit when this blows over that you need to be concerned about. When things calm down then that’ll be the real test. He can’t keep doing it to you though, it’s completely unfair. I’m sure he’s a lovely person but he really needs to stop this before he does some serious damage x

He’s been texting asking if we are go)no to be ok and he doesn’t want to lose me

my previous marriage was ruined by my ex who was spending thousands and thousands on himself and I’m buying my kids second hand clothes to get by whereas my hubby now is generous with everyone so it’s different but it’s the same, not on the scale that ex was on but it’s still the same, spending money you don’t  actually need to spend and I’ve worked really hard with getting this debt down to where it as and actually start saving for things we want or need.

he’s promised he’s going try and limit his spends and pay off the credit card but I know it might be a condition of getting the mortgage that we clear it so I need to be prepared for that I guess and technically the money is there to clear it but that’s not the point.

thanks for commenting @Pink_Butterfly

Sun_Addict

Mr SA was the same with spending when he was well and working. He would often buy expensive things and put it on the credit card without asking if we could afford it. It’s so annoying when one person just isn’t interested in budgeting and the other one is trying really hard.

Homegrown0

Hey Abba, I haven't been around for the last six months or so but caught up on your diary this afternoon. You've really been through the mill the last six months or so but you have come along great strides. I still can't get over how well you manage to pay down your debt so quickly and top up those savings pots

Sorry to hear your husband is back to his old tricks again. I don't know what to suggest really. My instant thought was just to remove his access to every form of credit, but then it dawns on me that he's a grown man and that's not going to fix the problem long-term. He needs to change his ways so maybe looking at how you guys can open up the money conversation in a two-way dialogue and work out how he can be more accountable for his actions might help? Hope you get to the bottom of it, because relationships are based on trust and when things like this happen it chips away little bits of trust. That's not good for you. 

Willowtree222

I'm sure Saturday will be ok but I also think it might be a condition that it gets cleared. Frustrating as you did clear it and your savings are for the rendering. He can't even tell you what most of it is for either. I'd still be fuming. 
Like you, I used to pay for things and have bailed out various things in the past as well. I'm not in that position anymore but remember the stress of finding out there was more debt. 
Hope you're ok Abba. X

abba1772

His mum applied for a 0% card last night and has done a money transfer of the remaining £700 to hubby who has promptly paid it straight to the card so it’s sitting at £1200 so that’s a start and hopefully will go in favour for us on Saturday.  Not going to feel guilty about her taking out a card as it shouldn’t have come to this they both should have asked........I would have been happy to help where I could.

your right @Homegrown0 he is a grown man and he is 38 so old enough to grasp the concept of money.  My youngest has a great concept of money in fact he’s still for £35 of his Xmas money to spend and he says he doesn’t need anything so I’ve to pop it in his savings.