Why do people think it's necessary to have a big wedding when they cannot afford it?

Birdie85

We made the decision to get married abroad because OH would have become a Groomzilla had we decided on a traditional wedding! He's got a big family, mine's really small, and he wanted the whole lot to come! He has a set idea of what a wedding should have and didn't want to look 'poor' by missing things out... it was set to cost a fortune! I'm so glad we changed the plans!

danielley

:jYippee! I thought I was a freak bride not wanting everything but now I know that I am not alone.

I do love my Groomzilla, but he is a bit of a Champagne taste - Lemonade Budget kind of guy

X

clearing_out_my_pockets

White_Sapphire wrote: »

Oh, and our guest list just with family (parents, siblings, aunts & uncles & first cousins only, plus long-term partners - no generic +1s) is over 60! :eek: Bloomin' Irish families..... :rotfl:

Could be worse - I've had to restrict mine to aunts & uncles only. Including cousins would increase our guest list for the day from 66 to 128 :eek:

Idiophreak

Think we have to put things into perspective here - lots of people on this board are here because they're on a budget, because they watch their pennies and so on - and obviously that's to be applauded. Does mean, though, that the perception of "normal" spending on here can be a little skewed.

We're just starting to put together the budget for our wedding and I think, honeymoon included, we'll be looking at 25k+.

I know plenty of people on here will say that means we're valuing the wedding more than the marriage etc - which couldn't be further from the truth - the marriage is by far the most important thing to us, but at the same time, we're only going to get married once, so want it to be nice. And yes, I know, expensive doesn't equal nice....

Really, though, I think it's amazing how little people on here manage to spend on weddings. Being "normal" about things, not saving pennies, the cost just ramps up. Our wedding is by no means going to be extravagant or showy, just nice. Even a "normal" venue around here will be a couple of grand for the day, plus anywhere between £50 and £100/head for a wedding breakfast, £20-40 for drink, then another £20-30 for any food you want in the evening. With even 50 people, you're looking at 7-8k before you even get started on dresses, cars, photographers etc. Obviously, it's not like you're having sandwiches in the village hall, but it's not a crazy OTT wedding, either...just the "normal" kind of place people have weddings round here.

It's broadly affordable for us - parents will contribute and we've saved some, but will need to take on some debt for it - but we're both relatively good earners, so I see it as "affordable" debt. Yes, we could have saved more, but a date came up next year instead of 2012 (our original plan) and I quite like the idea of a relatively short engagement, so I think it's fine...We'll only do it once.

shellsuit

Idiophreak wrote: »

Think we have to put things into perspective here - lots of people on this board are here because they're on a budget, because they watch their pennies and so on - and obviously that's to be applauded. Does mean, though, that the perception of "normal" spending on here can be a little skewed.

We're just starting to put together the budget for our wedding and I think, honeymoon included, we'll be looking at 25k+.

I know plenty of people on here will say that means we're valuing the wedding more than the marriage etc - which couldn't be further from the truth - the marriage is by far the most important thing to us, but at the same time, we're only going to get married once, so want it to be nice. And yes, I know, expensive doesn't equal nice....

Really, though, I think it's amazing how little people on here manage to spend on weddings. Being "normal" about things, not saving pennies, the cost just ramps up. Our wedding is by no means going to be extravagant or showy, just nice. Even a "normal" venue around here will be a couple of grand for the day, plus anywhere between £50 and £100/head for a wedding breakfast, £20-40 for drink, then another £20-30 for any food you want in the evening. With even 50 people, you're looking at 7-8k before you even get started on dresses, cars, photographers etc. Obviously, it's not like you're having sandwiches in the village hall, but it's not a crazy OTT wedding, either...just the "normal" kind of place people have weddings round here.

It's broadly affordable for us - parents will contribute and we've saved some, but will need to take on some debt for it - but we're both relatively good earners, so I see it as "affordable" debt. Yes, we could have saved more, but a date came up next year instead of 2012 (our original plan) and I quite like the idea of a relatively short engagement, so I think it's fine...We'll only do it once.

Not everyone is in the same boat as that, so that's why they have spent/will spend a lot less than you.

ellay864

People's priorities are all different and spending a lot or a little doesn't mean you have any different values with regard to the importance of the marriage. But it is a celebration day as well - if it wasn't we'd all just go on our own and do it with no guests or fuss and there wouldnt be a whole industry for it. And a lot of us would have a lot more free time away from the PC :rotfl:
For many people as the marriage is so important, having a photographic or viedo memory of it is also a key thing for them, and that's where some people will put a large part of their budget. For others its having their friends and family (and in some cases very large families) to share as they make their very solemn vows.
If there are guests invited then the venue is a big consideration - size, location all affect the budget. The venue was our key factor and is where most of our cost will be - the Zoo is a very significant place for us and we were really keen to marry there. We also like the fact that the money we pay to the zoo goes into their charitable work with animals in worldwide conservation projects. Marrying there makes my marraige no less significant than anyone having a simple church ceremony and no more significant than two people standing alone with just 2 witnesses in a small register office.
Surely the purpose of this board is to share MSE ideas, general hints and tips for how/where to find things and what is possible, and to enjoy other brides planning and wedding days with them Don't let's be judging people by the money they may or may not be spending

floss2

I guess some would say that I shouldn't be on here............for our September wedding we had an original budget of £5k, that grew to be a spend of £7.5k (due to OH's upgrade of photo package + mini-moon!) and will spend another £2.5k on honeymoon (but £1.5k of that was gift vouchers), so total £10k - £8.5k of our own savings, 90% cash, 10% c/card which is now paid. Guests were very impressed with our day & what we had, and we enjoyed seeing them enjoy it.

I've been posting since 2005, when I was £8k in debt. I now personally have £7.5k in ISAs, a 7 month old car, and a new husband - none of which would have happened without the help of MSE.

Magicboo

floss2 wrote: »

I've been posting since 2005, when I was £8k in debt. I now personally have £7.5k in ISAs, a 7 month old car, and a new husband - none of which would have happened without the help of MSE.

What a lovely, feel good ending to a story! Well done you :beer:

floss2

Magicboo wrote: »

What a lovely, feel good ending to a story! Well done you :beer:

Thank you - it took a lot of hard work & sacrifice, but the satisfaction is well worth it!

SUESMITH_2

feel sorry for the poor people who have made her day so special and then won't get paid - this is totally disgusting in my opinion, if you're a small business just a couple of these could easily push you under and then ruin other brides days who have booked with you.

lets hopw she has a more responsible attitude to marriage cos it sure aint easy at times