Why do people think it's necessary to have a big wedding when they cannot afford it?

shellsuit

If people think the 'wedding', as in the bells and whistles are the most important part of the day, then they're wrong so it doesn't matter how much is spent so long as the ceremony is all seen to and taken care of.

But, saying that, if someone wants to go into debt to pay £2K for a wedding cake and £900 for a wedding car to take them on a 10 minute trip, who are we to judge?

People get into debt buying a house, a car, a holiday, Christmas, buying bags and shoes etc, it's never ending.

I do think it is ridiculous to go into debt for a wedding though ~ it's not the best way to start a marriage is it!

Birdie85

sammy_wheeler wrote: »

why are you on mse!! our budget is £4k, n think will come in under that. 20k is a lot!

Well she did say that half of that was to fly her OH's family to the wedding so she needs tips on how to make the remaining 10k go as far as possible, and quite rightly so!

Martin :money: says that the point of MSE is to not just get the cheapest of everything but to get the best deal for what you want so I think Double Mummy (and others on larger budgets) who has worked hard to save the money is doing a good thing by coming here for money saving tips. I've been to a £20k wedding that looked like it cost £3k and a £7k wedding that looked like £20k all down to the careful/not so careful planning of what they spent the money on.

I see no point in getting hugely in debt for one day of showing off though! My friend's parents are paying for her wedding and it's coming to £15k+ and I've got no idea how they're managing it as neither parent has a particularly well paid job and they've already forked out £30k-ish on her older siblings' weddings! I hope they're not getting into debt for it (which I suspect they are), I'd never be able to take that kind of money off my parents if I knew it would cause them hardship, but my friend doesn't care, she just wants the best of everything!

minerva_windsong

floss2 wrote: »

MSE is not exclusive to those with little money, we are all as entitled as anyone else!

Hear hear!

I agree with what everyone else said - it's up to you to spend your money however you like, but the OP's friend is going about it the wrong way by getting into debt for it (I'd have no issue with it if she was doing it sensibly through saving up). Sadly a lot of people think it's about the wedding being big and flash and possibly not giving as much time and thought to the marriage afterwards.

Magicboo

minerva_windsong wrote: »

Hear hear!

I agree with what everyone else said - it's up to you to spend your money however you like, but the OP's friend is going about it the wrong way by getting into debt for it (I'd have no issue with it if she was doing it sensibly through saving up). Sadly a lot of people think it's about the wedding being big and flash and possibly not giving as much time and thought to the marriage afterwards.

Ditto to that! Everyone is on here for Money Saving advice, and even if someone is a multi millionaire, they still have just as much right to find a good deal or a cracking bargain as anyone else!
However getting into debt on purpose and planning to make oneself bankcrupt afterwards for a wedding is an appaling attitude-aren't there laws against that?!

MinniMe_2

sammy_wheeler wrote: »

why are you on mse!! our budget is £4k, n think will come in under that. 20k is a lot!

this is why some people are afraid to post on here!

As other have said MSE means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Our budget is also £20K however £15K of that is coming from both sets of parents.

Please don't make comments like this and make people feel that they can'ts hare on here.

danielley

I wholeheartedly agree that people should not have weddings that they cannot afford.

Over the past few years we have been to lots of wonderful weddings of our friends and and they were all fabulous and paid for in a variety of different ways (I hope that nobody went into debt!) with budgets ranging from £12- 40k)

Nearly all of them were given some cash from their parents, which obviously helped a lot.

My fiance and I planning our wedding and it is so difficult because firstly I could never justify spending so much on a big day as it has never been my dream for a big wedding and also we dont have that kind of money! (incidently I have been married previously and that wedding only cost £2k so it's not about me thinking been there, done that)

The problem we are having is that my partner, bless him, is GroomZilla. He has had his head turned by all the bells and whistles of the weddings we have attended and he wants it all.

I would happily go to a registry office in a nice part of the country (probably York as we have had some nice weekends there) and take parents and siblings and get hitched, however he wants all his mates and speeches etc (as he has been a best man twice and he feels he'll be cheating his mates out of their chance to be best man)

Another issue is the size of my partners family. He has 12 aunties and uncles and about 20 cousins and apparently they ALL have to be invited.... (because he has been to all their weddings...):rotfl:

I know that what he wants is important, so we are compromising between the 2 by looking at having a late service around 4pm, with afternoon tea and champagne for approx 85 guests and then onto the evening party with a buffet for approx 125 guest.

We have found a hotel who will do this for £3k and now we are just costing up everything else.

If I can get it all in for under £5K I will be happy ish - but if it was my choice entirely I would keep that money in the bank and do it on the cheap. The marriage is more important than the wedding in my eyes.

White_Sapphire

Just wanted to say that I am relieved to see that there are some people with bigger budgets than ours, as from looking at some of the posts I was worried that if I said what our budget is (around 9k, not completely finalised yet though, and all from savings & parental gifts) that a lot of people would say that it is not MSE as we are spending over 5k, which is what a lot of the budgets seem to be under.

There is a part of me that is slightly aghast at spending that much on one day, but we both have big families that we want there, have thought very carefully about what is important to us so that we can prioritise what we spend our money on, and we will have the wedding that we want without going into debt.

For those who think that there is a spending limit for your wedding to be classed as MSE, please take this as a friendly reminder to re-check :money:'s thoughts on the matter - I seem to remember him saying at some point that if you want a TV in every room of your house, as long as you shop around for the best price and can afford it without going into debt then you are being MSE!

clearing_out_my_pockets

Our budget is £8,000 plus a £2,000 honeymoon. We initially planned to do it for £6,500 with no honeymoon but my parents have given us money towards it which we've used to go on an amazing (for us, at least!) honeymoon and to have a few extras we wouldn't have otherwise had. Our wedding is still a MSE wedding, as OH's original aspirations for our wedding were coming out at around £25k excluding honeymoon.

By the time we get married next year, we will have been engaged for almost three years. We purposely waited this long because we didn't want to get into debt for it.

bride2be2012

danielley wrote: »

I wholeheartedly agree that people should not have weddings that they cannot afford.

Over the past few years we have been to lots of wonderful weddings of our friends and and they were all fabulous and paid for in a variety of different ways (I hope that nobody went into debt!) with budgets ranging from £12- 40k)

Nearly all of them were given some cash from their parents, which obviously helped a lot.

My fiance and I planning our wedding and it is so difficult because firstly I could never justify spending so much on a big day as it has never been my dream for a big wedding and also we dont have that kind of money! (incidently I have been married previously and that wedding only cost £2k so it's not about me thinking been there, done that)

The problem we are having is that my partner, bless him, is GroomZilla. He has had his head turned by all the bells and whistles of the weddings we have attended and he wants it all.

I would happily go to a registry office in a nice part of the country (probably York as we have had some nice weekends there) and take parents and siblings and get hitched, however he wants all his mates and speeches etc (as he has been a best man twice and he feels he'll be cheating his mates out of their chance to be best man)

Another issue is the size of my partners family. He has 12 aunties and uncles and about 20 cousins and apparently they ALL have to be invited.... (because he has been to all their weddings...):rotfl:

I know that what he wants is important, so we are compromising between the 2 by looking at having a late service around 4pm, with afternoon tea and champagne for approx 85 guests and then onto the evening party with a buffet for approx 125 guest.

We have found a hotel who will do this for £3k and now we are just costing up everything else.

If I can get it all in for under £5K I will be happy ish - but if it was my choice entirely I would keep that money in the bank and do it on the cheap. The marriage is more important than the wedding in my eyes.

Oh my goodness, someone else with a GroomZilla, I thought I was the only one! Taking him to a wedding fair was the worst thing I ever did, now he wants EVERYTHING - videographer, piper, chair covers etc etc.

I'd be quite happy to get married in our local registry office with just both sets of parents. He wants to invite his siblings which is fine, but there are four of them, two with partners and he'd also want all his neices there, bringing the total to 13. Plus he feels he has to invite his three cousin as he went to their weddings, so including their partners that's another 6.

I have two siblings, one of which may or not have a partner at the time of the wedding (she's 18 and this seems to change on a daily if not hourly basis at the moment!) and my youngest sister will only be 10 when we get married. If I invite my cousins, we're looking at another 20 minimum, including partners and kids who are too young to be left on their own. So we are looking at 45 before we even think about inviting friends - there goes my dreams of a small initmate wedding!

One thing is for sure and that we won't be getting into debt over the wedding. We both have some debts at the moment (about 9k between us), and those will be cleared before we even think of booking somewhere. Then we'd both rather have bought our own house (currently living with my parents to save cash) before we get married as well. Target is still 2012 though! With both us having debts at the moment and doing everything we can to get them clear, there's no way we'd put ourselves back in the same position for one day.

White_Sapphire

I wouldn't go quite so far as to call mine a groomzilla, but he does assume a few things that we 'should' have, like chair covers and matching suits. He is also to be wholly convinced that we would not be inconveniencing friends and family by asking them to help with things rather than relying on professionals for everything.

I'm working on him though

Oh, and our guest list just with family (parents, siblings, aunts & uncles & first cousins only, plus long-term partners - no generic +1s) is over 60! :eek: Bloomin' Irish families..... :rotfl: