The Ultimate Incentive to get debt free… again. Dinah & NIM go head to head!

Dinah93

Tried to on a few occassions. never managed it. Its too wierd seeing one another and not being 'you', you feel like its all forced and a big act. Its also far too uncomfortable seeing or being with a new partner around your ex. Its really hard, because you loose your best friend as well as your lover (hate that word but its the best differentiation I can think of). I think it's possible if you have no contact while you get over the relationship, and go back once your head is clear and the feelings are gone, but its too wierd a jump straight away.

N.I.M

Cinny91 wrote: »

That sleazy dirtbag!! :mad: There aren't even words! Okay, wishing slightly more than I did the other day that I lived closer. I can't even begin to think what to say to make you feel better. There isn't really a place to start is there?

I think this is the part where we suggest you go get what stuff of his you have and burn it...just do it outside. Its surprisingly theraputic.

Cinny91 wrote: »

I do, however, know how you might be feeling about that message. When I found out OH was talking sleazy to a girl he worked with, it's a feeling like someones crushed your heart to the size of a pea, and taken every little bit of air out of your lungs. It's the darkness, sleaziness and the 'why aren't I enough?' that sends you crazy. I don't even know how I got over it, I just woke up one morning and 1) I could actually look OH in the face without thinking 'you f*cking sl*tty d*cksh*t' and 2) it just didn't bother me anymore. I know that doesn't help right now but I just wanted to say, I know it feels like it's killing you now but it won't last forever.

Theres a good chance this will sound judgemental cinny but I promise you I'm not. I'm surprised you forgave him. If I did that I'd expect to get kicked to the curb the second OH found out, that said I think D would smother me with a pillow in my sleep if I did :eek::eek:

Dinah93 wrote: »

Well that emoticon perfecttly describes a random Tuesday around here Cinny

So this is why you have me out of the house on a tuesday, explains the mess when I get home mind you.

Dinah93 wrote: »

In unrelated news took mum for coffee today, my treat, and she repaid me with about £200 of clothes! So I'm now the proud owner of 6 lovely new bits of clothing and 1 hairband, I love my mummy.

Showoff, I got a mild heatstroke and to see 18 different types of weather in under 10 minutes.

zigmeister wrote: »

Have any of you ever stayed friends with ex?

Tried a few times, managed it once. Only reason it worked that time is we were friends for years beforehand, were 16 and experimenting to see if it was more and realised it wasnt before things got too stupid. There was bad blood for a bit but we got over it.

Any other time things have ended between me and A.N.Other theres been no friendship, things get ugly things are said and people get hurt. Dont go down that road if you value your sanity Zig, your better than that.

Cinny91

N.I.M wrote: »

Theres a good chance this will sound judgemental cinny but I promise you I'm not. I'm surprised you forgave him. If I did that I'd expect to get kicked to the curb the second OH found out, that said I think D would smother me with a pillow in my sleep if I did :eek::eek:

Haha! I was tempted. To be fair, I forgave him as soon as I found out. It just took a while to kind of, digest it. Or to let him know he was forgiven I know him, and know nothing actually happened. I don't know, it's just I've known him basically forever. I can't help but love him to bits, even when he is a d*ck. He's family. But he knows full well if anything even remotely resembling that happens again I'll personally kill him

And I'm not the best to ask on staying friends with an Ex. I only have the one, from when I was 15. It was one of those typical teen 'hormone' relationships. Get in far too deep, far too quickly. Over as soon as it started. But he had bloody lovely hair. (Not as nice as OH's though, I best say :A)

Would you really want to stay friends with him though? I know it'd be hard to wrap your head around him not being around, but I'd try my best to think it through fully. Like Dinah said, it would just be so hard to see them starting up in a new relationship. I couldn't do it.

Tete_en_l'Air

Zig I've sent you a message on FB but to add my two penneth (sp?) to the 'staying friends with an ex' debate...

I only have two real serious exes. One I was with from 17-21, I broke up with him because I just didn't feel in love with him anymore - it was during my year abroad so we were already used to not seeing each other which helped I guess. We were also both at uni so it's very easy to get out and about and take your mind off things. We didn't contact each other for a few months but gradually got chatting again and we're good friends now, he's moved down south so I only meet up with him when he's up here, we've met each other's new OHs etc and it's all fine - yeah we've see each other naked but it's not weird, there's no undertones to our friendship now.

Now as I said I did the ending of that relationship so I can't say how he felt being friends with me after I'd hurt him, but as we were so young I guess there's less of a betrayal than I feel with most recent ex-OH where we were planning our future together and suddenly he was taking it away.

I don't think I could be friends with him, I can't forgive him for how much he hurt me and promised the earth and then walked away, even years down the line when I'm -hopefully- happily married with a family I STILL think I will carry that hurt and couldn't forgive him. Truly and honestly, if he appeared from nowhere and wanted to try again I would, but I couldn't be friends - sounds a bit contrary but it's how I feel.

EDIT - forgot to comment on Cinny's amazing smiley! Didn't realise they were naked but yes that one on the middle definitely has a bum crack! I think that kind of treatment is just what Zig needs to cheer her up!

Poolie

Dinah93 wrote: »

In unrelated news took mum for coffee today, my treat, and she repaid me with about £200 of clothes! So I'm now the proud owner of 6 lovely new bits of clothing and 1 hairband, I love my mummy.

At the same time NIM will be warn out with all the mystery shops.

Zig - Sorry to hear about whats happened but I agree with NIM. Cutting contact will allow you to get over what has happened my easier and you can make a decision about being friends with him later. I tried to stay friends with an ex once and it didn't work out until about 5 years later when I decided to let her become a friend again.

Poolie

N.I.M wrote: »

I think D would smother me with a pillow in my sleep if I did :eek::eek:

I get the feeling D would not wait till you were asleep I am afraid.

Dinah93

You know me far too well Poolie. I forget the exact saying about whites of their eyes when you're going after your enemy but yeah, he'd need to know I knew and DAMN I was pi**ed!

wendz86

Zig - i know it isn't the same but my bf when i was 17 stopped coming to see me often etc and it was only when someone at work said the saw him with another girl i found out what was going on. I was devastated and completely cut ties with him. A couple of months later he realised he made a mistake and was calling me and texting loas of times a day which i ignored. It was only a year orso later when i was totally over him that we were able to be friends and i occassionally chat to him now. If i hadn't stopped talking to him i don't think we would be able to talk now.

Obviously will be harder for you because of how long you have been together etc but just wanted to share.

Dinah, yay for new clothes, what did you get?

Dinah93

I'm glad you asked Wendz - NIM wasn't excited enough by my new wardrobe!











Thought there was another thing, but maybe that was the hairband! Mum clearly wasn't letting me leave till I got some of the wide legged palazzo trousers - she kept going on about how she was suprised that someone as stylish (her words not mine) as me hadn't got any yet. The red blouse is one of my favourite buys for years, the colour really suits me, mum commented that if she looked that good in red she'd never buy anything in any other colour again! I love red, but I worry it's a bit obvious and try too hard?! Didn't stop me buying the red linen trousers though - I've wanted a pair of red trousers ever since I went to Dublin at 16 and every other woman had a pair. Is it wrong that I got them in Next as I like that they have a more retro cut with a high waist rather than showing my undies?!

Tete_en_l'Air

Lucky girl, I love the red dress will look lovely with your dark hair. I'm clueless about what colours suit me. Pale/blonde people aren't meant to wear black are they but I quite like it

How are you this morning Zig? Wendz you were very strong for ignoring those kinds of messages, well done you!

I've just been looking at my monies *sigh* - have seen a nice flat walking distance from work so been seeing how the expensive rent would weigh up aainst the petrol and car parking costs I currently have. Having to rejig my piggybank budgets in light of extortionate car insurance too. Looks like I could be left with about £350 per month for (weekend) petrol, food and any spends - so any train tickets to London to see the girls, or new clothes or nights in the pub... How does this measure up to you lot? Being single really sucks Never mind child tax credits, they should have them for hard-working single people who want to make their own way in the world without living off bread and dripping!