The Ultimate Incentive to get debt free… again. Dinah & NIM go head to head!

Dinah93

Not nessisarily in a pub having fun Zig, just in a pub. Everyone copes in different ways. When I was 20 and broke up with my bf of 3 years I spent the next 9 months in the pub pretty much daily, forgetting everything I could and trying to fill the hole in my life where he (and my best friend who'd he'd been sleeping with) had been. For me alcohol and a lot of men whose names I never bothered to ask firstly blocked out all the pain I felt by having my future snatched away, and secondly eventaully gave me the confidence that actually there was no way I was going to spend my life alone if it was this easy to pick up the opposite sex! It didn't mean any less of what we had that that was my way of coping, but I couldn't cope with being stuck at home with my own thoughts. As painful as it may be for you to see him 'moving on', he's just coping in whatever way he sees will get him from one day to the next x

archersluck wrote: »

Thanks for the hellos

How many tickets do you get Zig? Is there anyone who can come as well to diffuse the parent situation, another relative, or a friend? I have my graduation that week too, I need to chose what to wear. Wanting to wear heels but I'm terrified of tripping on stage! Have you got your outfit organised?

Just been reading your blog tete, I'm a Yorkie so liking all your pics - I love that cake shop where you saw the elephant cake.

£2 tillspit better than nothing I guess Dinah. I had no idea you could use them elsewhere either. What's everyone up to this weekend?

I wore 6" stilletos with a platform, they made my feet bleed. Most of my graduation photos have me barefoot! We were only allowed to wear black or white, I thought my black suit was in my flat near uni, got there, and it wasn't, so ended up in brown and gold striped trousers - better than they sound - honest!

My ex (not the one above, wow I have a bad dating history!) and I broke up after 22 months a fortnight before graduation, I thought it would be a really hard day as he was supposed to be there, but actually it was great just being with my friends and family who were all so elated, I didn't actually notice he was missing once I was there. Your degree is your achievement and only yours, don't let whats happened rain on your parade. x

Going for lunch with mum tomorrow while NIM is doing many, many mystery shops, then come home and ebay most likely. Would like to get maybe another 25 things listed this weekend, that would be fab.

Tesco came to £64 once the tillspit was knocked off (it did work which is good to know). I was shocked but everything was on the list, except we spent £3 on fish and £4 on tuna for the cat. There were no yellow stickers though and usually we get a lot of stuff that way. Also got bigger things like 5L of veggie oil rather than 1L, 5 pairs of tights, fancy cat litter as they had no value stuff, 2 tubs of good quality cocoa etc. We've done a meal plan for this week though - something we haven't done in months, based on whats in the house not recipes we fancy trying!

zigmeister

Thanks for another view on things To be fair, I assumed he's having fun because he's messing around in the picture and laughing. But who knows what's going on in his head.

6" inch heels were brave! I'm thinking some low heels, just to give me a bit of height.

I hate it when the shopping on your list (that is usually a small list) comes to loads. At least you're following a meal plan though. Always costs more when you have to buy ingredients for a recipe. Enjoy lunch with your mum

zigmeister

Quick update as I'm feeling awful.

Saw him today and we talked. Pretty much boils down to a combination of he's scared of moving out and taking that step, and doesn't love me enough to do it. Telling his parents was awful as they were upset.

And then he admitted he had kissed a girl mate of his a few weeks ago which pretty much tipped me over the edge. I'm unbelievably hurt and can't stand the thought of them all at the pub together or whatever. I hate them both for doing it. But I still want to try and stay friends with him, although at the moment I don't know if I can cuz I can't get the two of them out my head. And when I asked (very unreasonably I know) if he could promise that they wouldn't get together he said he couldn't promise that which has obviously made me feel worse.

I think not speaking to him really has got to be the way forward but I don't know if I can face it

N.I.M

Zig, I cant even begin to tell you how badly I feel for you. You deserve so much better than that. Your gonna have to look at this like a band aid, tear it off quick and it won't hurt as bad. You need to cut all ties and let yourself recover. While my situations will have been different, I've been cheated on too many times to count and I've tried both methods and believe me, with this kind of stuff going on your a LOT better off out completely.

As I said before, and I did mean it just give me a shout and we can chat.

How you holding together?

zigmeister

Thanks NIM, I really appreciate the reply.

I feel so much worse than on the previous days. I just changed my relationship status on facebook which sounds stupid, but it was really difficult. One of ex-OH's girl mates has got in touch though and is being really nice which is helping. We were meant to be going to a wedding in October and I didn't think I could go now but she said of course I should, I'm friends with the bride and groom and could hang about with them. I don't think I could face seeing ex-OH with the girl he kissed though. Makes me feel sick thinking about it.

I miss him so much. Even though today was sad, it was so nice being with him and I hate being away from him.

Don't judge me (!) but I went on ex-OH's facebook and he had a message from the girl he kissed saying 'oioi sexy'. I know it's nothing major but I'm so angry with her. What is she playing at? At the time of the message we were still together. I confronted ex-OH and he said that he hadn't replied so it didn't mean anything. But I'm hurt that he didn't say that she shouldn't say that or something. I hate the sneakiness of it all. It's almost worse than him saying he doesn't love me anymore. It's like torture and it's pretty unbearable at the moment.

wendz86

Zig you poor thing, that is awful :-(

Like you said the best thing is to not speak to him, it is the only way for you to get over this. It is very hard but keeping in contact might confuse things. I would also delete him off your facebook in case you see something upsetting.

Hope you have friends that you can spend time with and remember we are all here for you.xx

Cinny91

zigmeister wrote: »

And then he admitted he had kissed a girl mate of his a few weeks ago which pretty much tipped me over the edge.

That sleazy dirtbag!! :mad: There aren't even words! Okay, wishing slightly more than I did the other day that I lived closer. I can't even begin to think what to say to make you feel better. There isn't really a place to start is there?

You're right to think cutting contact is the best way to maybe move on a little. You were with him for so long it will be hard at first but you'll get through. I second Wendz in saying delete him from Facebook (heck, I'd block him too!) That's just a fast track way to getting yourself hurt even more.

I do, however, know how you might be feeling about that message. When I found out OH was talking sleazy to a girl he worked with, it's a feeling like someones crushed your heart to the size of a pea, and taken every little bit of air out of your lungs. It's the darkness, sleaziness and the 'why aren't I enough?' that sends you crazy. I don't even know how I got over it, I just woke up one morning and 1) I could actually look OH in the face without thinking 'you f*cking sl*tty d*cksh*t' and 2) it just didn't bother me anymore. I know that doesn't help right now but I just wanted to say, I know it feels like it's killing you now but it won't last forever.

A little OT - I was looking for a different huggy emoticon and found this. When on earth would you need to use that?! "Sorry you're having a rubbish day, lets all get naked and throw you in the air!" perhaps?

Dinah93

Well that emoticon perfecttly describes a random Tuesday around here Cinny

He's an egit Zig. You don't deserve that, no one does. I can't see why you'd want to be friends with him after that - its only going to keep hurting you as you watch them experiement with that new relationship. As hard as it is it will hurt you a lot less in the long run to cut all ties and get on with your life, not worry about how he's living his.

In unrelated news took mum for coffee today, my treat, and she repaid me with about £200 of clothes! So I'm now the proud owner of 6 lovely new bits of clothing and 1 hairband, I love my mummy.

Cinny91

Dinah93 wrote: »

In unrelated news took mum for coffee today, my treat, and she repaid me with about £200 of clothes! So I'm now the proud owner of 6 lovely new bits of clothing and 1 hairband, I love my mummy.

Awwh, Mums are fab aren't they? When we were really struggling over Winter my Mum came around one day with the biggest, fluffiest, coziest (but weirdly flattering) long jumper. I honestly could have cried!

zigmeister

wendz86 wrote: »

Hope you have friends that you can spend time with and remember we are all here for you.xx

Thanks Wendz I've arranged to meet some friends this week which I'm looking forward to.

Cinny91 wrote: »

That sleazy dirtbag!! :mad: There aren't even words! Okay, wishing slightly more than I did the other day that I lived closer. I can't even begin to think what to say to make you feel better. There isn't really a place to start is there?

Nope, there are no words. I keep going between feeling ok, devastated and angry.

You're right to think cutting contact is the best way to maybe move on a little. You were with him for so long it will be hard at first but you'll get through. I second Wendz in saying delete him from Facebook (heck, I'd block him too!) That's just a fast track way to getting yourself hurt even more.

He said he is going to delete his facebook so that will help. He got a bit offended because a friend of mine deleted him as soon as she found out.. He also was a bit hurt because two of his friends messaged me and not him. I actually felt bad for him (which I know is stupid!) but I did explain that people tend to support the underdog.

I do, however, know how you might be feeling about that message. When I found out OH was talking sleazy to a girl he worked with, it's a feeling like someones crushed your heart to the size of a pea, and taken every little bit of air out of your lungs. It's the darkness, sleaziness and the 'why aren't I enough?' that sends you crazy. I don't even know how I got over it, I just woke up one morning and 1) I could actually look OH in the face without thinking 'you f*cking sl*tty d*cksh*t' and 2) it just didn't bother me anymore. I know that doesn't help right now but I just wanted to say, I know it feels like it's killing you now but it won't last forever.

That's exactly how it feels. I explained how hurt I was by it and he said that it was a kiss, and not a snog. And also the 'oioi sexy' was on facebook chat, not a message. Both of which make me feel a teeny bit better.

A little OT - I was looking for a different huggy emoticon and found this. When on earth would you need to use that?! "Sorry you're having a rubbish day, lets all get naked and throw you in the air!" perhaps?

Haha, of course that's when you'd use it!

Have any of you ever stayed friends with ex?