Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

NualaBuala

Kezlou, stop - you're making me hungry lol! Mmm, I quite fancy the yule log but I would have to eat it all by myself. Although I probably could.:D

Hugs to you Kezlou, I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry to much about Christmas. Your kids have something better than any toy and that is a Mum who loves them.

ceridwen

mustbemad68 wrote: »

Our boiler has died and wil cost £100's to fix:( It looks like we would be better replacing it.
My parents have offered to pay for a new one for us as we would need to take out a loan/overdraft to pay for one but I really don't want to do this. I have said I would rather pay it back to them but they are insisiting that it is a gift (they can afford it) and don't want it back as I will get it eventually anyway!
Do other people find it hard to accept a lovely gift like this that has no emotional strings attached at all?

Well - personally - over the years that I have had an old wreck of a house it has had to have rather more substantial sums of money spent on it than I would like and sometimes a bit unexpectedly. So - my parents have tried to help me out when this happens (as they know how low the salary is that I earn). I found that I felt awkward if I took a loan they had offered for something - and came to the conclusion that if I needed a loan for the house then I would take one out commercially. Otherwise - I would feel guilty if I spent any money I could have avoided whilst I was paying it back and I knew very well it was expected back just as fast as I possibly could. So - rather than hand back, say, £150 one month and £200 the next (whatever was the most I could manage that month) - I preferred to take on a commercial loan and know I had a fixed payment of £50/£100 or whatever-it-was each month and could spend a bit on a luxury with good conscience if I had a bit to spare. Having said that - I wouldnt take on ANY loans from anyone ("commercial" or parental) for the last few years - as its been all too clear what is on the horizon in our Society...

They have paid some/all of the cost of a few expensive house items as a gift - so I have had mixed feelings - ie that I should be fully "independent" coupled with I know they wouldnt do it if they didnt have the money to spare and didnt feel they had just given their other child a lot towards his children/their grandchildren. So - at the times this has happened - I've taken the attitude that I wish I was on a decent salary and would therefore not have been put in awkward position in the first place of not having whatever-money-the-house-needed-that-time - but they wanted to help/they could afford it and so I said "Thank you" for it gracefully. I know my father is shocked by how little I earn (he's not the only one..:cool:) - and so he likes to help out. I've learnt by now that if my pride causes me to tear up a cheque they hand me - that they will just find some other way to "help me out"...awwww...:A

**********************************

So - overall - if they want to help out and can afford to do so - then take it that it "goes against the parental grain" to see their children suffering financially (even if they're quite old themselves by now......) and say "Thank you" graciously.

UnderPressure

kezlou wrote: »

em i actually do only spend £30 a week, sometimes even less.
£30 after bills is about all i can afford. So please don't say people are lying about spending that much. I've had many messages sent to me about how i keep it so low and i answer as truthfully and helpfully as i possibly can.

I work incredibly hard to keep within a budget and it is darn near impossible. I'm also cooking and cleaning for 2 adults, 2 children and 2 cats.

If i had more money i would spend more.

This week i've been flashy and sent £10.20 on frsh fruit, veg, meat, soft cheese, milk and bread. Hopefully this might last me the week but i very much doubt it. Oh and last week i spent £15 becuse i went to marks and spencers and got a half price chichen and two packs of fresh sausages,then sainsbugs for veg, fruit cheese, meat and flour. Only today did i run out of essentials. Half of the chiken is still in the feezer now. So yes i do shop at premium places if the price isright

oh and i have never ever made anyone feel bad about sending x amount of money on someone. Nor would i ever choose too, its up each individual person about how they choose / spend live they lives.

Me, i'm poor and i truly admit this christmas is scaring me, i'm quaking in my feet. I'll be more than chuffed if use the money in my paypal account to buy presents for xmas, because at least i know my children will have something to open.

Wish i had £300 each to spend on my kids, but i also think on the hand no because they have loads of toys, not hi tech ones but good quality stuff. BUT the kids who do have pc's etc , and i mean all ages, akwys go back to lego. Over the past ten years i've even had my friends "assisting" i.e playing with my nippers toys.

Actually in terms of "only" £50 what a load of tosh for a child under 8, theres loads. Now for 10 year old theres not a lot.

Please don't take it personallly anything i've written, its just a rantfrom me.


congratulations gailey! Oh (((hugs))) to your OH
mama67 fantastic news my darling!!!

WEll been to physio and it was awful, everyone was looking at me because they could hear my knee grinding while i was attmpting to use the cycling machine. Apparently it was so bad i'm now not allowed to do physio for another 10 days. ah well saves me walking in the cold:o.

Missed the postie today, so have pop down to the sorting office, one pressie down, courtesy of ebay;).

Tomorrow going to hunting in the charity shops for some more pressies for little ones.

I did not mean to upset anybody far from it, if I did then please accept my apology

Im sorry to here of your situation and I do realise in a lot of ways we are incredibly lucky although sometimes it does not feel that way

I wish I could offer some moral support over the way your are worrying about christmas but feel it may be better if I just shut up the last thing I want to do is upset anyone else..................

All the best

Kitcaboodle

kidcat wrote: »

Is anyone else feeling really low and down today? Have felt really weepy and assumed it was me, but my DD16 boyfriend has just said that there were girls in his class all crying at points during the day and that he saw a teacher sit in her car and cry after school.

That is spooky! I've been doing so well recently and on Monday I had a complete "I can't cope - waaah!" meltdown when DH got home. Put it down to DS's continuing efforts to become completely noctournal but I was fine the next day. Maybe it was something wider spread after all?!

I can't begin to imagine spending £300 on DS even if we had the cash. If we look at getting him a console it will be a 'family' present to all of us so he doesn't always expect that much and his computers will probably be our hand-me-downs until he's much older and can put something towards one himself.

I was never spoilt even when my parents could afford it. A couple of my cousins had anything they wanted and both grew up messed up. Little kids only expect it if they get it and older kids can have the finances explained.

DH was supposed to find out about the first round of job cuts today but they've told him they are still looking at it. This means he may well not find out if he still has a job or not until after my maternity leave ends.

As I need to give in my notice if DH has work due to child care, this puts us in a tricky situation. If we might still need my job, I need to cancel the leave I've got booked (which you need to book 3-6 months in advance...) and go back to work properly. Which means we need to find someone to look after DS until DH finds out either way, which could take months!

I really don't want to be working to pay a stranger to look after him but I don't know if the in-laws or one of our friends would be able to do it (though obviously we'd pay them!) DS is going to need an operation not long after I go back as well - and they might not give me leave when I won't have the dates until close to the time.

If it does come to using official nursery or child minders then I don't know how we'd go about finding one for what would probably be only a few months. Plus, if DS gets sick then I might not be allowed time off work to look after him. At least, they couldn't stop me but it wouldn't go down well.

ceridwen

katiegizmo wrote: »

I'm still ploughing through this thread catching up - page 86 now no less!

I just wanted to come on and have a really quick moan, well a rant really!!! why does my office insist on doing secret santa??? Am I a scrooge? I hate being told to buy an extra present - I don't want one for myself from someone else, I just want to keep my money for myself! A couple of years ago I refused to do it as I was in the process of moving house and was stressed and no money - wasn't buying for my family so I refused to buy for others -, and I had a complaint made against me! said I was not a team player so I don't dare refuse again as I was made to feel awful! GRRRRR!!!! not much money, I prob can spare it I just don't want to GRRRR!!!!!

They had absolutely no right to criticise you for taking account of your finances before deciding whether to take part in this or no - and then not doing so because you couldnt afford it. No-one knows the "ins and outs" of everyone else's finances - so how could they know whether you'd had an unexpected expense or unexpected loss of household income or something?

If I had decided I couldnt afford to take part in something like this and someone criticised me for it - my reply would have been "I'd do so - if they paid me enough. They don't - so I won't" and just walked away. Sometimes one has to be a bit blunt and "tell it like it is". I expect there would have been another comment down against me - of criticising the salary level I am paid - but...tough...:D

kezlou

NualaBuala

Aw thanks chick

Yes the yule did not last long, literally within 10 mins of it being finished, it disappeared. Were going to make another one or xmas.
Just because it soooo nice.

uderpressure no its fine stay!!! just wanted to say that they are people out there who do spend very little a week, wnihle i know a few on this forum who lie about they spends.
Just wanted to speak up for those who dont.

But please keep chatting, etc if we were all had the same opinion, the world would be a boring place!!!!!

sorry if i upset you!!

kitcat what a nightmare, i hate the way its going with the lack of notice it just causes undue stress and tension.
Hope you all find out soon.

RAS

kezlou wrote: »

em i actually do only spend £30 a week, sometimes even less.
£30 after bills is about all i can afford. So please don't say people are lying about spending that much. I've had many messages sent to me about how i keep it so low and i answer as truthfully and helpfully as i possibly can.

I work incredibly hard to keep within a budget and it is darn near impossible. I'm also cooking and cleaning for 2 adults, 2 children and 2 cats.

kezlou

I think for some people the reality of living on a low income rather than a reduced one is hard to imagine.

I know I waste a lot of money, but these days I have money with which I can do that.

That does not stop me picking up whoopsies just before closing time, if only because they will be land-fill in 15 minutes.

I was discussing this with someone who spoke about growing up in a nice middle class environment with no money worries and is scared by the current situation.

We never had much money when I was a child and I knew what it was to be hungry, if only because the only way to ensure my mother ate adequately and kept her job and the roof over our heads was to give some of my supper to the younger ones, so she ate. And I can make clothes and stuff out of next to nothing.

I am not looking forward to the future situation but at least I know how to live on very little if that is necessary. I also know from my early twenties that it takes a lot of time, energy and ingenuity and sometimes become wearing.

My hat is off to you, lady.

kidcat

Kitcaboodle - can you extend your maternity leave with unpaid leave that you can then cancel if your husband does lose his job. Effectively you would be holding your job open a little longer, in fact isnt there some law that allows up to a year of parental leave unpaid? Surely an illness/hospital operation would be enough grounds to prove you needed the extended leave.

Soubrette

katiegizmo wrote: »

I'm still ploughing through this thread catching up - page 86 now no less!

I just wanted to come on and have a really quick moan, well a rant really!!! why does my office insist on doing secret santa??? Am I a scrooge? I hate being told to buy an extra present - I don't want one for myself from someone else, I just want to keep my money for myself! A couple of years ago I refused to do it as I was in the process of moving house and was stressed and no money - wasn't buying for my family so I refused to buy for others -, and I had a complaint made against me! said I was not a team player so I don't dare refuse again as I was made to feel awful! GRRRRR!!!! not much money, I prob can spare it I just don't want to GRRRR!!!!!

We do a secret santa, everyone works shifts and it is an easy team building exercise for us, entry is optional though and don't tell anyone but I find the secret santa is ideal as a regifting opportunity

We have had some politicking to increase the max spend to £10 but enough of us see it as a bit of fun and so it's been £5 for a long time (not that I actually spend that much even :o:o).

gailey_2

kezlou wrote: »

no, my partner doesn't agree with them. He didn't like the way his cousin squinted his eyes to read the tiny screen.

We have an old original xbox (not 360)in the front room with games, a dvd player,i have an ipod,a pc in coddy's room and now a laptop which i'm slowly paying my brother back for.

All of the above is shared between the four of us.Were very lucky, as we saved up all last year coddy pc. The xbox is aboout 7+ years old. The ipod i got about five year old, same as dvd player.

So yep were all old school here, our tv is 15 + years old, and is fourth hand :rotfl:Hey i'm not complaioning it works treat!!!

I didnet realise x box was 7years old feels like only yesterday they released it. Said to someone my sons got a ps2 but apparently thats so not cool and out of date now.
We brought his ds lite few years ago before new ds came out.
Well found a 2nd hand x box elite with 1controller for 85quid thinks thats a bargain so confused by differnt types.
I would still love my mega drive back!

Thanks everyone for support both me and hubby bit down tonight.
I need to assess complete finaces accuratly and decide what course of action to take.

The problems worse due to some missed payments but if I can catch up on his missed payments we make more cutbacks and switch few things we may not have to do dmp but main thing is we pay more than the min to get debt down.

already frequent debt free wanabee board mainly reading more so than posting but have posted in past.

Taking part in pay off 20k by xmas challange but I think by xmas we would have paid off 15grand between us so not a bad effort as been a bad year!

Our debts mainly due to bmw of doom and its many repairs its 10years old, high milage and needs to be changed with baby on way.
Fathinlaws micra is saving us money on petrol.

Might try get him to pack in the fags but been trying for years!

we have no savings to fall back on in emergancys so when things break they went on cc.

Thats shy we wanted new job to up our income to pay off debts faster and have some put away for emergancies.

underpressure hope you dont mind me asking,

seems like you had rough time of it.

when going through your money troubles did you do iva or dmp as you said you avoided bankrupcy?
Do you still have any debts or buy stuff on credit?
have you saved all year for xmas to fund presents/food/misc costs?

Do you own your own home and have much of a morgage
Do you and your partner both work?

I only ask you mentioned 300budget for each child compared to 1000! But thats 900quid just on kids.:eek:

Do you have many other family members to buy for.

Plus food costs You spend over grand on xmas and lots on here couldent possibly spend that much because they cant more so than choose. Choice is something people have when they have money.

In my years on os board its surprising how you can bring grocery bills down by shopping around, reductions, eating mostly veggie and cooking mostly from scratch so I find peoples stories quite inspiring I dont feel anyones trying to mislead or lie on here about their personal finacial circumstances.

I know you dident mean to offend but sometimes in writing things can come out worse and sound more harsh than they sound.
Everyones different.
The primary topic of this particular thread is is tough but will get better so most people on here on reduced or low incomes and struggling against everyday rises in food ,heating ect.
Some have lost their jobs and having problems with family ect.

I feel xmas is quite an emotive subject as its so commercial and we get sold the dream by advertisers and retailers that we have to sond x amount, we have to buy this product and for those who cant achieve the so called xmas dream can be miserable as theres feeling of guilt and worry that looms over what should be a happy occasion getting together with family one of few times in year get to see them all.

I know when I go to city centre or out of town mall and see everyone laden with bags I feel bad that I cant buy much that day as have very little disposable income once bills and essentials are paid for. But my familys never goen without im keen bargain hunter attend nearly new sales, carboots, ebay ect so kids never go without nice branded clothes or toys and dont care if its 2nd hand.

Felt bad yesterday after scan really wanted to buy baby his 1stpack of sleepsuits when browsing in mothercare but stopped myself as thourght no best check balnace check bills are paid 1st and if anything spare then maybe come back and buy it another time.

One advert I always love is john lewis xmas ad always promotes a feelgood image of how xmas is and does not have to be a huge expense.The sweetchild of mine last year was very good it caputured the exitement of being a child brought back memories of how happy me and my sister were with the simplest/cheapest of toys we had few gadgets.

Learnt the hard way with stepson used to buy him loads and he never fully apprecited anything we got him just was like move on next present to open whereas my daughter pauses and plays with item before she moves onto next present!