romantic gestures - on a budget

[Deleted User]

Localweb wrote: »

A man doing the ironing, how cool would that be ladies? :j

We both work full-time so I do my ironing and my husband does his.

He does hate it though and actually it is one of the things I do if he is ill or having a really bad day as an "I love you" gesture.

bylromarha

Newly_retired wrote: »

Have you come across the Five Languages of Love? Most people prefer one of these so if you can work out which your OH would prefer and if this isn't how you normally operate, there's your cue to really please her. They are ( briefly ) Touch, Words of endearment, gifts, acts of service, quality time.

This!

All the responses on here won't help you a jot if they aren't how YOUR OH feels romanced.

You can do everything under the sun, but if your OH only feels loved when you choose not to do what you want and give her some decent time chatting, the pressies, the texts everything will not make an impact.

In the past, what has she viewed as romantic? Which of those broad 5 categories do most of those romantic gestures fall into?

I don't think she's being unreasonable - my OH used to touch me all the time as that is how HE feels loved, so showed me he loved me that way. However, I most feel loved when he does stuff for me, so I feel more romanced if he does the washing up for me when its my turn to do it rather than him giving me a massage while I'm sitting on the sofa.

gazebo

having read through all the responses and stuff, I am incredibly grateful for all of the suggestions.

I think the issue probably stems from us not spending 'quality time' together as much as we used to. This would be because I currently work two jobs, to help make ends meet and a roof over our heads.

When I ask what she would view as romantic, I'm hit with the response that if she tells me, it wouldn't be a surprise or romantic.

Most of the things she hints at are extravagant or expensive, such as holiday, wee weekend break in a cottage with log burning fire, full body massage, shiney things or shoes - all of these are well outwith my means, and whilst I will splash out occasionally, I do have to be really careful with money.

I think it's a case of sitting down and sorting out who pays what and making her see that it's not that I don't care or am not romantic, but I'm realistic and can't spend money at the drop of a hat.

At times like this I wish I had stuck at my old job, but I'm happier now in what I do.

Triggles

When I ask what she would view as romantic, I'm hit with the response that if she tells me, it wouldn't be a surprise or romantic.

This is something my DH & I had to really remind each other about (although we're much better about it now)... that we're NOT PSYCHIC!!! I can't read his mind, he can't read mine. What I think is romantic, may not necessarily be the same as what he thinks is romantic.

There is nothing wrong in her telling you what types of things she finds romantic. It's called communication, and it's vital in a marriage.

The whole "well, if I have to TELL you what I want..." never ends well..... Personally, the fact that my DH actually ASKED me what I'd like (when we hadn't been together that long) was romantic... it meant he was considering MY feelings and wants.

gazebo

that's the way I look at it, but I feel like I'm running round in circles half the time.

I'll think of something though

cattkitt

Did your old job afford you both a more luxurious lifestyle? If so, do you see your income going back to that level? Is it possible that she was looking forward to a future with that kind of lifestyle, is missing it, and is wondering when it will ever get to that again?

gazebo

I'm not sure because I wasn't doing my previous work when I met her, so I can't comment.

I do know she is looking forward to things becoming more financially settled in the future, once I've figured out what I'm going to do for a living

jw2003

gazebo wrote: »

I run her a bath, I make her cups of tea, I read to her, I rub her shoulders and feet etc,

I get the tea...

but he shows me he loves me by resting his hand on my waist when standing by me, holding my hand in the street and giving me a kiss just for the sake of it

That'll do me

RAS

If you are doing two jobs, is she earning substantially?

One couple I know had a bit of an issue with money, she wanted everything and they could not afford it. Now mainly it was stuff but also events (going away)

So every month he did the money and said, "ok this month you can have x, y, or z, or we can put it towards (weekend away/whatever) next month. So she got things, had to prioritise what she wanted and did not manage to break the bank, which she had done previously.

RAS

gazebo wrote: »

.

When I ask what she would view as romantic, I'm hit with the response that if she tells me, it wouldn't be a surprise or romantic.

Well learning to negoitiate within a relationship is a vital skill and she does not seem to want to engage.

However, at least you now know she like surprises.
I think you do need to explain that expensive surprises are not an option at the moment (on your incomes any way).