The Memorygirl Matrix

susan946

MG - Thanks for sending my password. I thought I wasn't going to be able to get into the went round in a loop 3 times before giving an authorisation message. This happened on my first 5 attempt but I got in in the end and the only thing I did differently was to input my username with a capital letter - though I don't know whether this made any difference or whether it was just luck.....or maybe the universe????????????????

Bitsy - love this in your signature -

THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference

I, too am a seasoned lurker although if I think I have something positive to contribute I'm there. Used to be like that in SMT and other meetings when I was working. Just the way I am, I guess.

Have a good day everyone.

Sue

OliveOyl_2

crickett1234 wrote: »

Matrix, I need some help. I was doing some thinking last night (always dangerous thing to do) and one of the things I was thinking about was how to get more self assurance and resilience. For all of my life, I have been ultra sensitive to criticism and although I thought for a long time that it was due to a lack of confidence, the more I think about it, the more I think it has to do with being assured in my self and becoming more resilient to the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" that hit me from time to time.

Problem is... I have rather drawn a blank about how I develop self assurance and resilience. Anyone got any ideas? Confidence is something i have (I sing solo in front of 500 strangers regularly! If I wasn't confident, you wouldn't catch me doing that!! ) and is also something you can fake it until you make it. I am not sure I could do that with self assurance and resilience. Any ideas gratefully received! Right... Off to make a cup of tea and get to work!

I am so with you on that - I really don't deal with criticism in a healthy manner.
1) I always believe it :eek: and think awful things about myself. (Well that's my immediate reaction, when I look coolly at it later I might decide that the person was lashing out or were only slightly right.)
2) I resent the critic hugely and avoid them afterwards. Not healthy in friendships

When I receive criticism I'm unable to think of a response - I was told off the other day for making inappropriate jokes at the expense of someone elses health. And I was given quite a lecture, so I apologised, Then we met up with another friend, and she made a very very similar joke when she heard the news, and the reaction was laughter. The friend who lectured me did take time later to apologise for being over-sensitive, but I am still stewing!!! (and avoiding her, and wishing I'd said something at the time )

tellmeitsfriday

Hehe, my 50 day challenge

1) I'd like to lose some weight - say a stone & eat more healthily as a lifestyle (a stone is achievable, but need to lose 5 i'd say) However I have no idea how to do it. I've tried eating less - and am just hungry. I've tried Slimming World, but it's boring and I fail, I need someone to tell me what to eat - and it needs to be simple TMIF style cooking - does anyone have a book or a cunning plan?!

2) To have completed my practice exams by the times stated by the college - I can't be more precise because I don't have the dates

3) To visit mother a bit more often. The poor dear had a stroke in July, and I spent every spare hour with her at the hospital and all through rehab - but now she's home with dad, and I find visiting very traumatic. She can't speak well, she has horrible panic attacks and is forgetful. We have nothing to say to each other, and I want to go home after 5 minutes. I obviously can't, so instead I don't go. I am a mean daughter, and I need to change that. Ideally I have to change my attitude not just my activity, but I have no idea how to do that, so we'll start with just visiting more often.

4) Sort through the cupboard of doom! That's a challenge in itself, and will probably require photos!

butafli

TMIF - You are not a mean daughter. You are just grieving for the mother you lost. The relationship you have now with your mother is a new relationship with a different mother. Hope this doesn't come out harsh it isn't meant to but my OH saw this happen years ago with an ex of his and that was what he said allowed his ex to move on and enjoy the time with her mum.

Bx

tellmeitsfriday

butafli wrote: »

TMIF - You are not a mean daughter. You are just grieving for the mother you lost. The relationship you have now with your mother is a new relationship with a different mother. Hope this doesn't come out harsh it isn't meant to but my OH saw this happen years ago with an ex of his and that was what he said allowed his ex to move on and enjoy the time with her mum.

Bx

It makes sense... but I don't like her, I want the old one back

se999

tellmeitsfriday wrote: »

3) To visit mother a bit more often. The poor dear had a stroke in July, and I spent every spare hour with her at the hospital and all through rehab - but now she's home with dad, and I find visiting very traumatic. She can't speak well, she has horrible panic attacks and is forgetful. We have nothing to say to each other, and I want to go home after 5 minutes. I obviously can't, so instead I don't go. I am a mean daughter, and I need to change that. Ideally I have to change my attitude not just my activity, but I have no idea how to do that, so we'll start with just visiting more often.

What about practicalities, how are they coping, would appearing with a nice meal or takeaway help, volunteering to nip to the shops. Does she have favorite magazines, if she's not into reading, maybe doing a library trip to get 'talking books'. Also is she supposed to do any exercises you could help with. There is an old saying 'actions speak louder than words', so maybe now could be a time for more little actions which would hopefully help both of your parents, as well as making the visits hopefully better for you with having something to do rather than wondering what to say.

Cheery_Daff

TMIF, I agree, you're not a mean daughter at all, butafli is right. Why not try ringing somewhere like the Stroke Association and see if there is some kind of charity to support people whose family members have had strokes? It's such a difficult thing to deal with, and often people don't realise that the families are affected too. Perhaps just talking to someone who's been through something similar, saying what you just said to us on here, might at least get it off your chest, take away your guilty feelings, and, like butafli said, help you move on to a new relationship with your mother, who might just be going through a similar grieving process for your old relationship as you are xxx

Crickett, I've no idea about resiliance etc - but I did notice the other day at work there was a course advertised through staff development about developing resiliance in dealing with criticism and problems So does your workplace do something similar? Might be worth asking around!

Lots of good news on here at the minute :j :j

Been thinking about my 50 day challenge... It needs to be the PhD really! I'd absolutely LOVE to have it finished and submitted before I go on my Christmas holidays :j :j I've kind of accepted I won't though and instead accepted a smaller challenge of getting the draft properly finished, going on holiday, then doing the very final edit and printing/submitting in January. Probably more sensible, but hardly anywhere near as satisfying! :rotfl: So I'm thinking I need to up my game again

Not sure I'm going to take on any other challenges right now - that's where my focus needs to be.

On the plus (??) side, emailed my examiner yesterday to ask about something the other examiner had told me to include, that I couldn't find any reference to. He emailed back saying he couldn't find it anyway, and to ignore it, because it wasn't something he'd be looking for in the thesis!! That's good - but what ELSE was on the list of necessary things to do that he's not going to bother looking for??! So I'm going to ask the universe for a bit of courage to go and see him to talk about it on Monday I've been avoiding doing this for a whole year and it seems I could have saved myself a load of work in the process That'll teach me! (although I'm officially not allowed to talk to him, so I rather think he should have thought through his list of 'required revisions' more carefully! :mad:)

<scurries off to see what I said that cherisong thought was so wise :rotfl:>

Cheery_Daff

Oh, and TMIF, is there a support group for your mother anywhere? I met recently (through work) with a local support group for people who have speech impairments caused by strokes, and they just met for a chat, to work on their speech in a social setting. They were all lovely, some were quite forgetful, but all (and their partners etc) said their speech had improved no end since joining the group. Is this something your mother might be able to do?

tellmeitsfriday

Cheery_Daff wrote: »

Oh, and TMIF, is there a support group for your mother anywhere? I met recently (through work) with a local support group for people who have speech impairments caused by strokes, and they just met for a chat, to work on their speech in a social setting. They were all lovely, some were quite forgetful, but all (and their partners etc) said their speech had improved no end since joining the group. Is this something your mother might be able to do?

If she wasn't having these pesky panic attacks... grr to strokes!

It is hard, she was such a strong person, a bit too opinionated really, but at least you knew what she thought. (I am not painting her in a good light, but only to show why the difference is so difficult to deal with, she's gone from strong, powerful matriarch, in charge, command even, to a wimpy, pathetic, scared forgetful thing )

I knew she would change as she got older, but that is meant to be slow, and you get used to it as it happened. This is about 10/15 years early and happened in 45 seconds

Poor ol' mumsie. Let's see if the next 50 days can bring a change eh

THanks all x

OliveOyl_2

My mum has Altzheimers - she's been deteriorating the last 3 years
I think that advice to mourn the woman I've lost is so good, I think I need to do that. :(My mum won't recover, do people improve after strokes?