The Memorygirl Matrix

tellmeitsfriday

OliveOyl wrote: »

My mum has Altzheimers - she's been deteriorating the last 3 years
I think that advice to mourn the woman I've lost is so good, I think I need to do that. :(My mum won't recover, do people improve after strokes?

They can recover a bit - if they fight it... but the brain forms new habits with its new level of ability very quickly. She's probably stuck pretty much as she is now (it's been 14 weeks now, but feels like for ever)

Sorry to hear about your mum OO

redsquirrel80

Morning all..

Karmacat wrote: »

Squizz and Ruby - wow! I have 3 overripe bananas in the fridge at the moment and Squizz, *where* do you find these blogs? Amazing stuff.

Karma, I've said it before - I spend too much time on the internet Having my own blog now though means I'm looking at even more blogs!

tellmeitsfriday wrote: »

3) To visit mother a bit more often. The poor dear had a stroke in July, and I spent every spare hour with her at the hospital and all through rehab - but now she's home with dad, and I find visiting very traumatic. She can't speak well, she has horrible panic attacks and is forgetful. We have nothing to say to each other, and I want to go home after 5 minutes. I obviously can't, so instead I don't go. I am a mean daughter, and I need to change that. Ideally I have to change my attitude not just my activity, but I have no idea how to do that, so we'll start with just visiting more often.

As Cheery said, it's worth getting in touch with the Stroke Association - they have a Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/TheStrokeAssociation?ref=ts which might be a good starting place for getting some advice on support, or even just to chat to other people in the same situation.

I've not quite decided on my 50 day challenge yet.. I know I want to:

Finish mentoring course
Finish philosophy course
Post on blog at least 2 times a week and build up a following
Get debt down to £7k
Lose 10lb
and figure out what I'm going to do next in the way of courses/ training.

I'd love to do something big and brave though - I have a real problem with confidence (turned down a good opportunity a few months ago because it involved public speaking) but I'm not sure how to work on that or how I can find opportunities to do it.

Bitsy_Beans

Big hugs to TMIF and Olive - never been in that position so can only imagine how difficult it is for you both.

Hmmm been pondering the 50 day challenge. Going to finally stick my neck out and say I am going for 1 stone and fitting in more exercise into my lifestyle. It's going to be hard, 2 small children, working, looking after the housework etc BUT it's time to stop looking for excuses NOT to do something about it. I can whinge and moan about how I don't have any time until say 9pm at night, that's not going to change but rather than complain I need to look for some solutions and embrace it instead. Kids won't be this young forever and I am sick of saying to myself I am gonna do this and not get anywhere. I bought a coat in last years New Look sale and I can't button it up I bought it with the intention of slimming down by winter and I am no where near.

Given how busy my life is at the moment and how lack of exercise is a big thing I think that more than enough on my plate for now

Firewalker

Good morning folks,

thanks Se. Please note revised goal for 50 days challenge - lose 7.5 kg.

OliveOyl, sorry to hear about mum - mine died from this last Summer and it is not good. She became someone I did not know. Thinking of you.

Firewalker

Memory_Girl

Cheery_Daff wrote: »

TMIF, I agree, you're not a mean daughter at all, butafli is right. Why not try ringing somewhere like the Stroke Association and see if there is some kind of charity to support people whose family members have had strokes? It's such a difficult thing to deal with, and often people don't realise that the families are affected too. Perhaps just talking to someone who's been through something similar, saying what you just said to us on here, might at least get it off your chest, take away your guilty feelings, and, like butafli said, help you move on to a new relationship with your mother, who might just be going through a similar grieving process for your old relationship as you are xxx

Crickett, I've no idea about resiliance etc - but I did notice the other day at work there was a course advertised through staff development about developing resiliance in dealing with criticism and problems So does your workplace do something similar? Might be worth asking around!

Lots of good news on here at the minute :j :j

Been thinking about my 50 day challenge... It needs to be the PhD really! I'd absolutely LOVE to have it finished and submitted before I go on my Christmas holidays :j :j I've kind of accepted I won't though and instead accepted a smaller challenge of getting the draft properly finished, going on holiday, then doing the very final edit and printing/submitting in January. Probably more sensible, but hardly anywhere near as satisfying! :rotfl: So I'm thinking I need to up my game again

Not sure I'm going to take on any other challenges right now - that's where my focus needs to be.

On the plus (??) side, emailed my examiner yesterday to ask about something the other examiner had told me to include, that I couldn't find any reference to. He emailed back saying he couldn't find it anyway, and to ignore it, because it wasn't something he'd be looking for in the thesis!! That's good - but what ELSE was on the list of necessary things to do that he's not going to bother looking for??! So I'm going to ask the universe for a bit of courage to go and see him to talk about it on Monday I've been avoiding doing this for a whole year and it seems I could have saved myself a load of work in the process That'll teach me! (although I'm officially not allowed to talk to him, so I rather think he should have thought through his list of 'required revisions' more carefully! :mad:)

<scurries off to see what I said that cherisong thought was so wise :rotfl:>

Why not throw together a mindmap of all the revisions requested, highlight the one you agree with, the ones you can see the sense of and the ones already dealt with.

The the conversation with him will be "see the one's not done - can we have a chat about what you expect to see?" then the meeting is quick and effective.

Might also help you feel less overwhelmed.

So on Christmas Eve I'm raising a toast to you having handed in your PHD - so how can we help you get there?

Time for a thread on the matrix perhaps?

MG

troglodyte

TMIF and Olive, so sorry to hear about your mums. It's very difficult to deal with aging relatives (and friends); you know somethig is bound to happen sooner or later but you can never really prepare for it, you feel bad not being comfortable around that person any more and of course you think 'how would I feel if that was me?' ll very hard to deal with, I don't know what to say except to offer support and hope you find some useful resources out there as have been suggested.

Crickett, thinking about resilience in the face of criticism, all I can suggest is to focus on the fact that the criticism is not of you, as a whole (though sometimes it feels like it), but just one small thing that you may have done (or not done) and that can be remedied or done differently next time. And try not to dwell on it; if it happens at work, resolve to improve next time if possible, then once you leave work try to put it behind you and preferably do something different with a different group of people, that will stop you mulling over it endlessly and also remind you that other people value you for what you have to offer.

OliveOyl_2

Memory_Girl wrote: »

Time for a thread on the matrix perhaps?

MG

you organise things so well MG.
I understand how your methods help students, can you enlighten me as to how it could help engineers manage their projects?
(For your speaking booking in Jo'burg this is.......:o )

And please can you help me join the matrix forum, I'm still having no joy this morning )

Memory_Girl

OliveOyl wrote: »

I am so with you on that - I really don't deal with criticism in a healthy manner.
1) I always believe it :eek: and think awful things about myself. (Well that's my immediate reaction, when I look coolly at it later I might decide that the person was lashing out or were only slightly right.)
2) I resent the critic hugely and avoid them afterwards. Not healthy in friendships

When I receive criticism I'm unable to think of a response - I was told off the other day for making inappropriate jokes at the expense of someone elses health. And I was given quite a lecture, so I apologised, Then we met up with another friend, and she made a very very similar joke when she heard the news, and the reaction was laughter. The friend who lectured me did take time later to apologise for being over-sensitive, but I am still stewing!!! (and avoiding her, and wishing I'd said something at the time )

On days when I'm feeling my less that confident self I use my bell-jar.

I imagine that a six foot glass bell-jar is beng lowered over my head (to the tune of "Thunderbirds") and sealed to the earth with a golden light.

Anything negative anyone says to me bounces right off the glass (OK its in my head - but its pretty cool in there most of the time) and all the positive stuff can float right on through the glass.

Sounds daft - but then I know that its "their stuff" not mine.

If I do find myself "obsessing" over something someone has said, then take myself off mentally for a moment and create a little mental movie in my head.

I imagine the person saying the hurtful thing and acknowledge what I'm feeling. Then I imagine them saying it getting faster an faster until they sound like Pinky and Perky (does that date me?) and running around like something out of a Benny Hill sketch. I then imagine a great big belly laugh rippling through my body shaking out all the negative emotion followed by a huge golden smile flowing through my body from my feet to the top of my head and spiriling out into the universe.

The funny thing is this takes longer to say than to do - a couple of seconds is usually enough to do this. Amazing stuff happens when you no longer send out the prickly stuff back to the person who has said the nasty stuff - it really does take the wind out of their sails. They don't get the feedback that they were expecting or needing.

The only solution is to never be around people - but 'm guessing none of us have a 50 day goal of being a hermit - right?:rotfl:

MG

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning all,

sorry to just randomly pop in but I can't log on to the new forum?

can someone help me please?

thanks

Buffy

boddy

Morning everyone.

Ive been thinking about the 50 day challenge and like Firewalker I want to cut out chocolate. It is a addiction with me once I start. Im not supposed to eat it anyway. I also need to lose a stone. I recently read a woman say it can become an addiction with her so she just stays away from it. Not easy I know but I feel in the right mind set at the moment. My reflexologist said there has been a big change in me recently. I think the universe is preparing me to be more involved in the holistic side of things. So my challenge.

1 No chocolate.
2 Lose a stone. Ive got my SW books and a Wii Fit.
3. Learn as much as I can about Cosmic Ordering
4 Practice my Tai Chi more.
5 Work on my meditating as I dont find it easy.

TMIF/ Olive You are not mean at all. My mum is 93 and had a stroke 4 years ago. It is hard and I can understand how you feel. At the time we were told to prepare for the worst. She slowly recovered a little bit of her speech and knew who people were though ended up in a wheelchair. She had a party for her 90th. Now though there is little conversation and she only really knows me. I too mourn the woman she was. I have done a CD of all her photos and have some lovely memories. When I see her I do her hair and massage her hands. She is happy just to sit with me holding her hand. As for the visiting that was hard and still is. I do think though that the stroke association may be able to help you as each situation is different. Big Hugs.