Father going for full custody?

jellyhead

Out of nosiness, where does your ex live? If he's not getting JSA and has no income how is he looking after the 2 year old? I had assumed he was living with his parents, but you've said that he sends your 2 year old to his mum so I am assuming not.

jjww_2

Dear Warehouse,

I think to say that an obviously concerned parent is a disgrace is a bit harsh.

Dear Mumofoneandoneontheway,

I can understand your concern and desire to retain full custody of you child, with your ex having access a couple of nights a week. Why is he trying for full custody?

No matter how difficult it gets always try to put your childs well being first and if the arrangement you have now works well for him why not sit down with your ex and discuss it rationally, there is no need for every couple who split up to go to court over the children.

If he had any doubts over your ability to cope as a parent he should have contacted social services who would have been able to work with you to enable you to cope better, I do not think a court would look favourably on him slagging off your parenting skills whilst still allowing you to parent the children without him involving social services in the period it takes to get to court.

Is there a reason why he only sees the younger child for 2 hours? other than the child obviously being very young.

If your local area offers parenting classes, playgroup etc why not take advantage of them so you can show you are trying to find ways of coping with 2 very small children on your own in a pro-active way?

I have never been in your situation but I was a child from a broken home whos father tried for custody, and got weekend access just to get at my mum.

There are many wonderful fathers who deserve to see their children and dont and many who don't deserve to see them who do. You and your ex should try to work through this without a court a good relationship between his parents will make much more of a difference to your child than whos house he sleeps at more.

GOOD LUCK

mumof1and1ontheway

he lives in a rented house but his mum owns it so helps him out with money or food etc.

baby is only 8 week atm as i was having him round 3 times a week but it was getting difficult for me coping with his moaning and hassle. now he takes him out 2 hrs a week but gets the option to see him before taking ds1 and after.

i was going to gradually build it up as i managed to be more effectent at expressing. until he got put on formula then was going to allow 1 overnight stay and see how he went on.

jjww_2

Why does he not try getting a job and support his children financially instead of trying to split the children up?

Do you think he is trying to get custody for the benefits that would bring?

If he continues being unreasonable I would get a solicitor and fight making sure you note every time you give him vouchers, nappies food every time he makes an arrangement and changes it etc.If he cannot afford to provide for his child for the time he has got him at the mo then surely he is in no position to be trying for more custody?

mumof1and1ontheway

jjww deep down i think he is using his son as an excuse not to work (hes never liked being bossed about). he only applies for jobs he would enjoy rather than going for all jobs so he can pay his bills. i have taken half the debts, hence why i am going bankrupt. and still he moans that i have left him in ruins (we have approx 3.5 debt each which was halved.. and i have my brighthouse debt on top of that).
he also drives a car which i feel he does not need (no idea how hes paying to run it). as have offered to get the bus with the kids half way to his house and meet him etc. but he refuses to give up using the car, yet still pleads poverty. i just want my kids to be happy.. and possibly me be happy to if that will ever happen!! but if just feels like everyday i am !!!!! footing around him feeling guilty and feeling sorry for him. while he jumps from gf to gf who he then introduces my son too (i have no problem with that once hes been seeing them a while but we split end of dec and hes on gf number 6 now).
i just feel like he has a hold over my life. rather than just doing things the way he should. feels like he goes out of his way to make life difficult.

londonlass001

Dear mumof1, I've read your other threads and I think that you do really need to get some legal advice at least to get it straight in your mind, how you are going to move forward.

More importantly, there will be people on here that post all sorts in response to your posts and of course there are always two sides to every story and fathers have rights too yes. However, I can't imagine what kind of pressure and stress you are under with your two littlies and this pressure is not helping you. It could be argued that if your ex had the children's interests at heart, he would not be heaping this pressure on you when you have just had your second baby only 8 weeks ago?

I just wanted to say please take care of yourself as anyone would struggle under this pressure. hugs

mumof1and1ontheway

no he def isnt helping lol. i have phoned my solicitor and left a message on his voicemail. i spoke to him last week and he said he doesnt know much on custody etc.. but he is dealing with my divorce. so i am going to ask him if any of the other solicitors in his company can and if i would be covered by the legal aid from the divorce for some advice from them.

balletshoes

Has your ex actually spoken to a solicitor about gaining full custody? Without being on any benefits and not working, how is he going to be able to pay the solicitors bills?

You need a good solicitor, and you need to start logging everything to do with your ex and his current access to your children now - including how many times he's late, how many times he gives your child to his mum overnigh when he's supposed to be looking after him, all items/money/vouchers you supply to him to help with the childcare costs etc. Absolutely everything - and when you do speak to a solicitor regarding retaining full custody yourself, you tell your solicitor absolutely everything too, don't keep anything back out of some sense of being fair or trying to be nice, because its highly unlikely your ex will give you the same niceties back.

lauren_1

Im sorry but you have been advised on so many threads you have posted about your ex wanting to get part of your benefits to GO TO THE CAB AND SEEK LEGAL ADVICE.

mumof1and1ontheway

I have left a message with CAB hun. As it is CAB dealing with my bankrupcy. But my case worker is a difficult man to get hold of. I have left a message for him and also my solicitor so I am hoping that in the next day or so one of them will get back to me and be able to help.