Would this bother you? Slightly weird breastfeeding question.

Fuzzy_Duck

The girl in question sounds very much like a girl I grew up with. She had no mental health issues, but she was very immature for her age- even as an adult she was still like a little girl in many respects. She was easily distracted and often misunderstood things so she struggled at school. She too was encouraged to take child care at college- I think a lot of people feel it's the easiest option to take, and as she said she liked children that was suggested. As good natured and well-meaning as she was, I would not have trusted her with a child. There are far too many risks involved, and even if the girl was very mature, I would question a 14 year old's ability to deal with the situation if anything went wrong.

Had I been the woman who nipped to the loo and came back to find the girl attempting to breast feed my baby, I would have been bothered by it, although I can see a little more understanding may have been needed. It sounds to me like she genuinely thought that's what she should do, and simply being told 'it's not appropriate' probably did leave her confused and upset.

It's a difficult situation to be in. If there's any way a responsible adult could be present at all times, then you could allow the study to continue, or you could insist on being present yourself. Whatever you do, I would try to explain that she can't have your baby alone because she is 14, and you worry about the possibility of the baby choking on something, hurting himself etc, rather than the breast feeding incident.

I would consider speaking to her tutor (I wouldn't embarrass her by mentioning it to the mother) so they can educate her about breast feeding in the most sensitive way possible.

FatVonD

It sounds to me like she's of limited intelligence and desperate to be a mum.

No way would I leave my child in her sole care, if she felt this was appropriate who knows what else she might feel is appropriate, letting your child cross the road on its own?

mishkanorman

if she is acting out and changing in other ways could she be pregnant herself ? maybe the interest in breast feeding and having a go herself was so she could see what she has to come ??

Nixer

sassyblue wrote: »

You don't need to go into much detail to know if your 14 and have never had a baby you can't breastfeed a baby.

It is possible for lactation to occur in males and also in females who have never given birth as well as mothers. Granted, unlikely that the girl in this case knew it.

hob

Miss_Penny_Pincher wrote: »

what meritaten says makes a lot of sense to me. in fact i'd prefer a teenager who shows a nurturing instinct than one who is 'grossed out' by breastfeeding!

you would be wrong to assume that a woman who has never had children can't breastfeed. some previously childless women who adopt are, with a lot of work, actually able to breastfeed!

when i was a teenager i read a fiction book about a boy who got a puppy. part of the story was when the puppy lay on his chest that the boy's nipples started to produced milk! this fascinated me and i was convinced that if a boy produced milk then surely i would as a menstruating young woman!

if breastfeeding is all that she has seen then how is she to know different? I was at a friend's house once feeding my son expressed breastmilk by bottle when her daughter was very confused and asked what I was doing as she had never seen bottle feeding as her younger sister was breastfed! it all needs to be put into context!

thats one creepy book, as for the 14 year old if she is shouthing and acting out at college there is no way i would leave any child with her. when i was 14 my sister left her 3 month old baby with me for a few hours. i would like to think i was a good understanding child(. but my nice jade wouldnt stop crying i tryed everything i was paniced and confused and i was so close to just shaking her. i know thats the worst thing and im ashemd of myself in the end i just put her in her cot and sat crying myself.it still freakes me out to this day what i could of done so if she has a temper and your kid is acting up at the park or something whos to say what she might do! or maybe distracted by talking to a friend and ur child runs out on the road, 14 is a child still.
breatfeeding was problay what is it like. she should of know better then to try tho.

skintchick

sassyblue wrote: »

I hope you're not implying the OP is one of those alarmist mamas?

Aw, don't jump on Isksta for that comment, it was a statement of fact that some people would be horrified if their baby was given formula, and in fact I AM 'one of those alarmist mamas' (in what way is it alarmist to object to your baby being given formula without your consent though?)

Anyway, back to my OP. I think she is very immature rather than mentally ill, what a conclusion to jump to! I don;t feel she'd hurt my DD in any way, and I am happy for her to take her to the park if she is with a friend as well (two brains hopefully more sensible!) and I always give good instruction as to what to do and what not to do (like don't let her on the roundabout alone, you have to hold onto her!).

If she is expelled, which looks likely, then it will all come to naught anyway. I will avoid the issue till I have to deal with it I think.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Could she have been trying to observe the baby's rooting reflex? But panic from being shouted at got her in a state unable to explain this?

skintchick

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Could she have been trying to observe the baby's rooting reflex? But panic from being shouted at got her in a state unable to explain this?

I doubt it, i don't think she knows that much about breastfeeding. I think it was either curiosity or a genuine belief she could feed the baby and that that was OK. Neither of which is a hanging offence, IMO.

Mk14:37

bylromarha wrote: »

My first thought was that she's been around a lot of people breastfeeding and, remembering how curious I was about my body and the changes it was going through at 14, figured she wanted to see what would happen. Would her boobs start making milk? How does it feel when a baby tries to get milk?

To say "baby was hungry" as a response would have been what I'd have said - it is far less embarrassing at age 14 than saying "I wanted to know what my boobs were going to do and how it would feel".

Don't tell her off as I think it was a natural discovery she was investigating and don't make it seem a punishment for her previous action when you tell her she will no longer be having your baby.

I'g also say that a lot of kids I know who've chosen childcare at a young age was because they were immature and saw playing with babies all day as lots of fun. Following this to its conclusion, an immature 14 year old isn't ready yet to look after a baby alone. With supervision, she'd no doubt be great, but TBH, I would never have contemplated leaving either of my babies or toddlers with a 14 year old, fullstop, unless the 14 year old was walking the baby round in the pram in a quiet area.

This, entirely. Well said, bylromarha.

courteener

To me she sounds a bit like the girls who are on the Alternative Curriculum at school. They only do Maths and English GCSE I think, and the rest of the day is all practical living type subjects like childcare. I don't know if it's a BTec though.