Would this bother you? Slightly weird breastfeeding question.

beth58_2

I'd like to add to my earlier comment as no one has said so far; have either your friend or yourself considered talking to the girls mum or as minimoneysaver suggests talk to her tutor.

It's possible if she's been learning about wet nurses, she maybe though it would be ok to try. I realise it would be a difficult subject to try and bring up with the girls mum, but I feel it may be important if she is perhaps a little vulnerable herself and needs to learn how inappropriate this behaviour is.

JaneRN

ellies_angel wrote: »

I teach Skills For Work courses, Early Education and Childcare Intermediate 1 &2 in a secondary in Aberdeen. I teach young people between the ages of 13/14 - 16 years. I have been doing this job for almost 5 years and never have I come accross a student who would have thought for one minute you could breast feed a baby, I remember talking once about wet nurses which were used many years ago and it grossed them out that someone other than the mother would breast feed the baby.
I would have serious concerns leaving any child with this young person unsupervised regardless of what course she was doing, because at an age where she should realise what is appropriate behaviour she doesn't and I would have concerns that any child she was with could potentially be at risk.

I almost don't want to say what I am about to at the risk of "grossing out" anyone on this forum. I had and breast fed my son at 16. My friend who had her baby the same day (who didn't breast feed & probably beside the point) and I went to see her soon after we had our babies and she was out and left her daughter with her partner. The child was crying and the dad was distraught - he left me with the baby and I was in a quandry - if it was my son crying I would immediatley try and feed him - whether my son was hungry or not this would pacify him. I didn't, but I admit this has bothered me from that time til now whether it would've been wrong to try and pacify this child?? Years ago breast feeding other womens children (wet nursing) was considered the norm - but now we are "grossed out" as we now associate it with some sort of sexual deviancy. I would like to think this girl was naive rather than "evil" if thats the right term for the alternative - but again no child of her age should be left in sole charge of a young child.

Doozergirl

I just think that she is really following the wrong career path. Thinking about another poster's comments about not even showing a bra strap, I can remember being VERY self-conscious about my body, so much so that even if I thought I could breastfeed a child (which I didn't!) I wouldn't. It is a lack of social understanding that would lead to a girl doing that - not only is it a completely irrational conclusion for her to come to, that with her own lack of inhibitions would worry me.

As an individual, if I knew her very well and understood that she meant no harm then it's the sort of thing that I could let lie and put down to my own lack of judgement (although I would never leave even my five year old alone with a 14 year old, let alone a toddler or baby) but I think where she lacks in her own personal development should prevent her from working with children in a professional capacity anytime soon. I don't think it's good enough that 'she knows now'; she should already know, and if she doesn't, then it's something that should preclude her from caring for other people's children.

meritaten

JaneRN wrote: »

I almost don't want to say what I am about to at the risk of "grossing out" anyone on this forum. I had and breast fed my son at 16. My friend who had her baby the same day (who didn't breast feed & probably beside the point) and I went to see her soon after we had our babies and she was out and left her daughter with her partner. The child was crying and the dad was distraught - he left me with the baby and I was in a quandry - if it was my son crying I would immediatley try and feed him - whether my son was hungry or not this would pacify him. I didn't, but I admit this has bothered me from that time til now whether it would've been wrong to try and pacify this child?? Years ago breast feeding other womens children (wet nursing) was considered the norm - but now we are "grossed out" as we now associate it with some sort of sexual deviancy. I would like to think this girl was naive rather than "evil" if thats the right term for the alternative - but again no child of her age should be left in sole charge of a young child.

Jane - thats a different circumstance entirely! you were a 'mum' who was breastfeeding - and when breastfeeding if a baby cries then your breasts will often 'react' by producing milk. and the urge to feed the baby can be very strong.
this is a girl who is only fourteen, and doing a very basic course on child care. of course she may have seen family members breastfeeding and thought it was natural to offer the breast to a crying baby.
but, I think the girl may have acted out of what she thought were best interests and is probably mortified that she did wrong. and may even not understand why it was wrong. a quiet word with her teacher would be best here I think. and as for not leaving babies with her? why not? this girl seems to have very strong maternal instincts and I doubt that any baby in her care would come to harm!
personally I would prefer to leave a baby with her than a teen who cant seem to survive unless her mobile was either playing tunes, texting or she was chatting on it!

Miss_Penny_Pincher_2

what meritaten says makes a lot of sense to me. in fact i'd prefer a teenager who shows a nurturing instinct than one who is 'grossed out' by breastfeeding!

you would be wrong to assume that a woman who has never had children can't breastfeed. some previously childless women who adopt are, with a lot of work, actually able to breastfeed!

when i was a teenager i read a fiction book about a boy who got a puppy. part of the story was when the puppy lay on his chest that the boy's nipples started to produced milk! this fascinated me and i was convinced that if a boy produced milk then surely i would as a menstruating young woman!

if breastfeeding is all that she has seen then how is she to know different? I was at a friend's house once feeding my son expressed breastmilk by bottle when her daughter was very confused and asked what I was doing as she had never seen bottle feeding as her younger sister was breastfed! it all needs to be put into context!

babyshoes

At the age of 14 I was left in charge of a 9 month old baby for the first time while the mother and my mother went out for the evening. I wasn't completely alone as my younger brother was in the house and my Father wasn't out for long (just off to the shop for half an hour or so), but I was in charge and responsible, and would have coped fine in an emergency. I would never have even considered something like this, even if she had been a breastfed baby. I was more than capable of looking after a baby and completely trusted to do so, after receiving good instructions and seeing plenty of bottle making and nappy changing as the mom and baby were staying with us overnight most weekends.

I think this young girl is probably too naieve to look after your baby on her own (does she possibly have mild learning difficulties, do you think?), however it will probably do her a lot of good to study your daughter and learn what is involved in looking after babies, but only under supervision! After all, she is technically old enough to have a baby - in some societies she would be married off and pregnant or a mother by now!

ailuro2

I'd not leave her alone with my child, it's not that there seems to be anything malicious intended in what she was caught doing, just that it shows there is a real lack of common sense there, most teens would have shouted and asked what to do with the hungry toddler, or sent a text to someone - not tried to feed it themselves:eek:

so, since you'll never rest if she's got your DD on her own, the answer would be NO.;)

robpw2

i do not think 14 year olds should be looking after children period because they can not make adult descisons should they need to be made.
however i think some of you are over reacting when it comes to the breastfeeding situation what you must not do it freak this girl out completly so she believes that breastfeeding is something that is wrong or embarrassing. the situation needs handling gently and i think going to her tutor/ parent could make the matter so much worse .

busiscoming2

I am pretty sure I would not leave my child in sole care of this girl. If she had been left with your friends baby for a longer period of time then maybe I could (possibly) understand her trying to pacify him, but the fact your friend had only popped to the loo that suggests to me she was only gone about 5mins.
I too cannot understand how a 14 year old could think it was appropriate and would have expected her more likely to stick a grubby finger in his mouth!
I think you have to mention this to her mum as I really wouldnt like to think of her looking after other small children.

JoJoB

To be honest I wouldn't want to leave my DD with ANY 14 year old, no matter how apparently mature. It's too much responsibility for that age to have sole charge of a young child, I'd definitely want another adult around in case of emergency (choking is something which comes immediately to mind - how many 14 year olds would know how to deal with that). Concentration also isn't brilliant at that age. I wouldn't let her take DD "out and about" as you describe - she could study just as easily with another adult around.