Terrified of birth

facingthefuture

Don't be terrified...it makes it worse. I have had three children and no stitches, no epidural and it was bearable. Saying that I understand your fear, the first time the nurses took my clothes and shoes away because they really though I was going out a window. (Honestly, I might have...daft but I was petrified). I also faint if I see needles.
Anyway, here is what I did but it took to my second childs birth before I realised what was happening.
1) Get it in to your head, no matter what you will listen to the midwife and do your best.
2) Take gas and air and lots of it. You may well be sick, no matter...go with it. You will start to hear an echo, keep on with the g&a , the echo (of any sounds made in the room) will get louder till it builds into a thumping crescendo...when you are there keep taking g&a if you feel the contraction and honestly....it deadens the pain. The thumping crescendo is where I wanted to be at and indeed this worked three times. Honestly I would describe it as sore but ok.

Everyone is different so don't listen to horror stories. My husband was brilliant as he kept an eye on the monitors and knew when to call the midwife ( they could have a few on the go!). You will be grand, any fear you feel will distress the baby and that could lead to a c-section.....that was my biggest fear.It kept me calm.5 hours after the births I would have left hospital totally fine.

Good luck, it will be a "walk in the park" for you.

ladybirdintheuk

Paws, it sounds like you have had some really useful suggestions already, most of mine have already been suggested to you.

One thing I didn't spot anyone recommending (but I may have missed it) is to get yourself booked onto some post natal classes. That will help you to know what to expect, and also talk to other people in the same situation as you

I found it really helped to keep my mind open in my birth plan. I wrote that I wanted a water birth, with gas and air, but that if I decided I needed more painkillers then I wouldn't say no to whatever was necessary at the time! As it happened, I managed with gas and air in the pool and now I have my baby I would have done it over 1000 times to get her out!

And keep talking to us if that helps too! Good luck

pawpurrs

Thanks ladies for all your help and suguestions, I am still reading and taking it all in, at the moment coping with insomnia and morning sickness is a feat in itself!

Evansangel

I can honestly say without being mean..

You will get over it.

As soon as the baby is placed in your arms you forget about what just happened, and a few weeks later you wont even remember the pain.

If you go into the delivery room with a positive attitude you will get through it.

I read up on what i could so i knew what to do. Listen to the MWs, they are not meanies

If you find your MW has no time for talking try calling the Tommys Midwery helpline.

weezl74

pawpurrs,

Another thought, I don't think it makes a massive difference during the birth, but afterwards you will have much less pain if you have less/no tearing/grazes.

This is something you can help yourself with enormously by using perineum massage throughout pregnancy.

As your bump grows, you'll probably need DH to help you!

It reduces your risk of tearing by 75% I believe.

I did it in both pregnancies and did not tear.

sooz

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

booked onto some post natal classes.

Post-natal classes are fab. I met some great friends there with new babies.
Perhaps ante-natal classes would be more appropriate now

ladybirdintheuk

ante natal. that's what I meant. Oops!

TitchD

Hi Pawpurrs

I too was really worried about the birth of my DS. I sort of ignored it until about 20 weeks, then finally gave in and started reading about all the options available.

As soon as I did it made me feel better - learning about different asoects of the birth I hadn't thought about:
Pain relief - drugs/ no drugs/ pethidine/ G&A/ Epidural etc
Home/ Water/ Hospital Births
What would happen if something went wrong (which I know nobody wants to think about, but when it did, I knew what was going on which really helped - and yes, my little boy and I are absolutely fine!)

Next time (which will be in April - yes I'm doing it again!) I think I will try a Doula. My DH was OK, but got a bit panicky in the room when things started going a bit awry, so to have someone there who is there just for you and speak on your behalf (having gone through it all before hand) would be very comforting.

I did an antenatal, which was very informative, but also an NCT postnatal which was great as I met other mums with little ones the same age - and we are all still friends now :j

If you want to actually speak to someone there is an NCT Pregnancy and birth helpline (0300) 330 0772 on the NCT website (nct.org.uk)

Good luck - whatever you choose it will be right for you!

T
xx

Jo_R_2

skintchick wrote: »

hi, I'm another vote for a home birth, having had one myself, and also for a doula, as mine was great.

But I would recommedn getting a copy of Grantley !!!!!!-Read's Childbirth Without Fear http://www.amazon.co.uk/Childbirth-without-Fear-Principles-Practice/dp/0953096467 as I read this and found it rea;lly helped me get my head round what my body was going to have to do.

I wasn't actually scared at all, at any point in my pregnancy, but I found this book fascinating, It is heavy reading and quite scientific in places, but it is my one must-read recommendation as it explains how your body will work to give birth and what you can do to help it.

I posted a week or two ago about how I was all worked up about going into labour... Given this is my fourth baby it sounded crazy, but I can relate to what you have said.

I've done a lot of things to deal with the situation. Spoken to the midwife, who was lovely and had lots of theories around why I felt like I did - partly hormonal, partly past experiences.

Got my reading books out again - New Active Birth by Janet Balaskas is a favourite. The one skintchick mentions is one I'd heard about a while ago but not gotten round to reading and I seriously recommend it. It has done wonders to focus my mind - it basically took a lot of info I knew from all over the place about birthing a baby, what happens and how, and bundles it all together. I won't go into it but the best thing for me is how it explains that the 'fear' of childbirth starts off a cycle of tension and then pain and can make things worse than they need to be, and that's starting from how you perceive childbirth even just being pregnant.

I've done a lot to relax over the last week or two as well which has really helped, cut out the caffeine (has noticeably reduced my anxiety levels) and changed how I talk and think about birthing this baby.

I think also if you can break down what you are worried about and go through each worry, you will find there is a way of dealing with it - this is where some time spent with your midwife is invaluable.

I hate to say it too but I think the 'it's going to happen so you have to deal with it' can be a good way to tackle things - I was burying my head in the sand but feel much better now I'm being proactive and am actually looking forward to this one arriving - you may find you start to feel the same once you can deal with what's going on in your head.

Good luck x

iceicebaby

I have read this thread from start to finish as I am too pregnant and terrified of the birth, and more so about being completely responsible for a little person, I have no clue what to do!

I feel better now after reading all your replies. Thank you so very much everyone.