Terrified of birth

rach

I completely understand where you are coming from. Since getting pregnant I've been terrified of giving birth. Reasoning is partly hate losing control and also a lot of friends and family have had problems giving birth.

I have to say, people saying 'the baby has to come out one way or another' is really not helpful, in fact it has been the most unhelpful thing to me, and even the MW said it.

My advice, having got to 38 weeks before really being able to talk to midwife about it (I was ready to talk properly 4 weeks earlier but had 2 relief mws due to hols) is:

1) Don't leave it so late to do, my other complications have meant a really late referral which has added a lot of stress. Please talk to MW asap
2) read up as much as you can. I ignored everything to do with birth as couldn't face thinking about it - I now realise this was a bad idea. A helpful starting point is the NICE clinical guidelines which make clear the level of care you can expect. Some here on antenatal care and on care in labour...there are loads on other things too
3) as someone above said look into a doula - I wish I had and it's a bit late for me now but if there's a next time I would definitely look into it.

So basically, don't do what I did and bury your head in the sand, but face the fears, they are real and they are in some way justified. Please PM me if I can help at all, I am no expert but I'm going through this too. xxx

bylromarha

Try watching this

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00ttbr9/Cherry_Has_a_Baby/#

It's a story of a woman scared of giving birth and also has a MSEr on there (Laura aka Tigsroonie)

The thing that calmed me was my sister having a VERY frank talk with me. The thought of of the unknown was what I found scary and having a real life warts and all "this is what will happen" was really liberating for me.

I had a hospital birth as, for me, I could only relax knowing that hospital equipment was onsite should it be needed. For others, they can only relax in their front room. Both are right!

All the best.

pawpurrs

I have watched that cherry thing and a lot of hypnobirths some of which look amazing. Am reading ina mays guide at the moment, which arrived today. I guess I could fit a tub in the sitting room if we moved all the furniture, would need to close the curtains etc...........the birthing centre looks quite nice though, compared to hospital. Will consider a doula, but in what way are they better than a midwife? And would the midwifes be happy for you to take a doula?
Thanks ladies xoxox mucho appreciated.

weezl74

pawpurrs wrote: »

I have watched that cherry thing and a lot of hypnobirths some of which look amazing. Am reading ina mays guide at the moment, which arrived today. I guess I could fit a tub in the sitting room if we moved all the furniture, would need to close the curtains etc...........the birthing centre looks quite nice though, compared to hospital. Will consider a doula, but in what way are they better than a midwife? And would the midwifes be happy for you to take a doula?
Thanks ladies xoxox mucho appreciated.

I wouldn't say a doula is better than a midwife just that there is a lot to do for just one midwife so they can't always do so much for you. The doula being there means you have someone else's help. Also you can have your doula there right at the start of contractions rather than at 4cms/established labour.

The second on call midwife to a homebirth will try not to arrive until right at the pushing stage.

Also the doula has met you before the birth and when you're ahem, calm and so she knows what you want to happen.

bylromarha

weezl74 wrote: »

Also the doula has met you before the birth and when you're ahem, calm and so she knows what you want to happen.

I can honestly say I was calm all through DSs birth - the primeval noises that came out of my mouth were amazing and repeated by women all over the labour ward! They weren't pain as I know pain, just working through the contractions!

For me OP, honestly, it really was like having really bad period pain. I know its different for others, but that was my experience with DS. No drugs, just a TENS machine. There's a sting when baby crowns, but you breathe it away.

I was with my friend when she had her daughter, her first, during a home water birth and looking in on the process was harder than I thought it would be. I knew she was fine, having given birth twice myself, but watching someone be in discomfort is harder than being in the discomfort yourself, if that makes sense. The primeval noises were all there too!!!!! They sound bad, but are helpful if you're the one making them.

Jeez, I sound like a hippy! I'd like to think I was the doula for my friend :rotfl: Mopped her brow, bossed her hubby about and was the extra support to care for her when the midwife had to take blood pressure or go for a wee!

gratefulforhelp_2

Honey, I may have already said this, but I convinced myself I would die in childbirth with DD1 and even wrote arrangements into my will for the dog!!

You will be fine and your body will cope. A Doula is an excellent idea, though.

BTW there are so many of us who come back for another go, we can't all be wrong!

themull1

i wouldn't have wanted either baby at home, my second one got stuck and i wouldnt have felt confident at home in case we needed medical intervention, having had epidural with the first one, and just gas and air with the second, although painful(not the coming out - the contractions round my belly) i would go with the just gas and air. much better afterwards, and you can walk around etc, not as good if you've had an epidural!! the episiotomy doesn't hurt either, i had two, one for each birth and they cut you whilst you are having a contraction and your skin is stretched anyway so u don't feel it. My second baby was nearly 10lbs and i'm only 5 foot, i had a four foot round belly.!
Don't worry, you will find that you just go with the flow whilst you are in labour, and your body does just take over. I found it worse than a period pain though.!

emsywoo123

rach wrote: »

.

I have to say, people saying 'the baby has to come out one way or another' is really not helpful, i

Rach that is your opinion, which is cool and all, but for me, it is the ONLY way I have been able to come to terms with it.

tiff

All I can say is, the minute your baby is born you will wonder why you ever worried about it. Doesnt help you now, I know.

I gave birth the first time without anything, they dont do gas and air in the US. The second time I was dreading the pain so went for an epidural and it was the best thing ever. I was scared of having that injection in my back, but felt silly afterwards for ever worrying about it. I think youre brave for wanting a water birth, I would have liked to do it but thought I might feel a bit undignified! The whole bloody thing is undignified lol

LilacPixie

I want to start a campaign to have G&A legalised for home use at wny time you want. Seriously it is fantastic stuff but the gas at a dentis made me vomit and pass out so Weezl coukld be right about the balance.

Statistically a home birth is just as safe if not safer than a hospital birth if you are a nice straightforward healthy pregnancy. Unfortunatly I have health issues including clotting problems so it's hospital for me but if it wasn't for the blood thing I would have a home birth in a shot.

Pawpurrs what do you want to get out of your birth experience? Can you even think about the actual birth? With my 1st all i had in my head was skin to skin with the baby at delivery and my fear of needles. I had to focus on the actual specifics of delivery one section at a time.

but hey on the positive side I'm expecting number 3 so it obviously is not that bad. TBH I find pregnancy itself worse than the delivery but you need to pinpoint your actual fears and then address them