Life after bankruptcy?

ani_26

I've already got a form but i haven't sent it back as i didn't know if i am staying, but the waiting list is abouut 20 years, anyway. Bit annoying as i live in close proximity to the gargages. My neighbour offered to sell me their's but i don't think the council allows this. Plus, they don;'t know i'm a down and out, ( or i have no money, that is).



Maybe i could ask them if i could keep ani in their garage, but who knows what is already in their garage

ani_26

I've woken up still agonising over my decision to finally give up work. I feel like the end of the world has come, and i still feel i should be going out to work. I'm paranoid i'm going to get a knock on the door. Yes. I'm still here. That jumbled head, am i diong the right thing, giving up work? My colleague last night said you're from the same ethos as me. Yes. As far as i can tell, the difference between working and not working, is negligible. No annual salary from the government of £26 ,£21k, £17k, or even £11k. We are probably talking pence between the difference in income, but its my independence. Sod my health and well being. But then, i don't have any health and well being, do i? I have no life, no quality of life. I'll never be able to afford to go skiing again, or yachting again, although there is a sailing club a few miles away. I wonder how much it is to join? I wonder if they do concessions for phlebs? Got all the time in the world eh? Fresh air, water, scenery, freedom. Irony



I know for a fact, people are claiming dole and still working. Is there any wonder? No. I have a few days in march which i'm reluctant to cancel. Now me, i'd be bound to be caught. Then it would be, can you just do this, and so on. If i give up work, its for a reason, isn't it? I need it.



Its not easy to survive on basically what is a part time job with part time wages. Maybe if you have a partner, its different? Someone to support you financially and emotionally? But maybe thats not always the case, either? Of course it isn't But i know people who ask for work, and i think, you lucky sod, or turn down work because they won't do it. But they've paid their mortgages off, they and their partner are receiving a state pension, their partner is working and they are working too. They have no idea. No idea. Households with more than one, or even two incomes coming into the house. How do people get into so much debt in the first place?



That just made me think. The reason why i've taken the payday loans in the first place is because of the situation where i've not been paid. C'est la vie

ani_26

Thinking back, i've never lived the life of riley. Even in my marriage, we eventually reached a stage where we were comfortable, but not rich. We were in debt but only to the tune of the mortgage. No credit card debts, no loans, i didn't even know what an overdraft was. We only ever had what we could afford, but two regular incomes, at that stage, made all the difference. We weren't high earners, never were high earners, but you didn't have to spend every day worrying. Worrying, worrying, worrying. Having to check your bank account every day. My colleague said they have no petrol to get to work. Exactly like me. I'm watching them going through the early stages of what i've been through. Finally reached the stage where they can't pay their credit cards this month. Offered £!. In that situation. They have had their own businiess, too, along the way. Their house has been on the market for over a year, as they try and sell their house and down size to a caravan. They'll end up like me, but maybe not, if they manage to sell their house, but only if they get what they are asking for it. They must look at me, the same way i look at them, but i think there's some trust built up between us, although we live too far apart to be able to afford to visit. What did they say? There's some people you can't tell, and some people you won't tell, but they realise they can tell me anything.



Enough. I'm emotionally drained. I've got things to do, and doing my washing is going to be a pain in the proverbial aris

MatyMoo

ani_26 wrote: »

Thanks, both xx

Its just a shame how far things have to go before you get help

That is very true...... and also very sad

ani_26 wrote: »

I still won't allow myself to believe i'm going to stay here. To think i was estatic when i was offered this place, i hate it now. The walls are closing in on me. Its like a noose around my neck.
Still got alot to sort out, and definitely no unpacking, this weekend.


I could do with a day when i just do nothing at all. I keep thinking, all i have to do is draw back the bedroom curtains and lie in bed and look at the hills.

Gutted that your new home, that should be your safe haven feels like this already. I hope, with the help you have been offered, that you can get that feeling back.

And why not do "nothing at all", laying in bed with the curtains open and looking at the hills should lift your soul a little and give you the rest you so obviously need. That sounds like a great plan to me :T

ani_26

I can't sleep. This week has hit me maybe more than i realised, and despite the front, i've given up on everything. The thoughts are starting to take control. In effect, the government sticking two fingers up at me. I still know people who are working full time and awarded housing benefit, and yet i'm told you are only allowed to earn the £67.50 a week. Why are so many people who are working, also receiving housing benefit? It doesn't rreally matter as i'm told it will take a long to to go to appeal.In any case thats me stuffed without a car., I cancelled all my payments to the loan companies, today. They looked at me as though i had six heads. After all, its such a relatively small sum i owe, and i've paid almost twice the amount of interest back, already. How stupid is that? If that stupid bloody company had paid me, i wouldn't be in this position now.Having to go to the cccs for what? £700? I don't even know anymore. I don't even care. They don't care about how its affected my life. I must be owed at least £3k, with the taxman, too, but it all takes time. I can't even be bothered to fight to get whats rightly mine. I can't stand up for myself anymore. I can't even do the most basic of things. I'm not sleeping, and its worse when you go to bed. Just plotting and planning. I can't go on the sick because there's no escape then. It makes you see what a stupid, pointless life you are living when you have to tell someone you are not eating properly, that you don't go out other than to work. Work, work, work. Thats all do. I've got to. I can'r get off this treadmill without them knowing how bad it really is. Someone asked me if i still played the fiddle, recently. Not much chance of that, then.

kerri_gt

Ani, I just wanted to drop in and say you're not alone and that we do think of you xx I see that you are / have / going to / considering giving up your work - at least at the moment - perhaps that's not such a bad thing? I know you value you independance and have a strong work ethic but I'm not sure that your work is something you love any more, and it's certainly not paying you to live.

I'm sorry I don't have any magic answers for you, it's just such a carpy situation all round, i really thought when I saw you had got the house this would be things on the up - sending you positive thoughts that this is just a last blip before things get significantly better for you xx

ani_26

I don't know how i've made it through last week and the weekend. I was all set to throw in the towel and go on the sick, this week. After all, i now acknowledge i'm a risk to myself. I can barely function. I was going to go for a walk yesterday, and i couldn't be bothered. It's just as well, as i knew exactly where i was going. Instead, i manage to tidy up to a degree where it no longer feels this place is closing in on me. Its almost habitable. Its a shame. I'm so lucky to get this place. What would be the point of making someone homeless again, only to have to rehouse them? Why don't they just give me the help i desperately need to keep this place?



Got my daily letter from the council again, this morning






QUOTE


Historically other authorities and ourselves have found that customers who work for themselves will promptly apply at the beginning of a fallow period but not then notify of an upturn in their takings which are only then revealed on annual review.


UNQUOTE




To be fair, ( why should i?), they followed it with



QUOTE



This said there does appear to be a depature in your circumstances and some permanence to the reduction in your earnings.



UNQUOTE


How much more permanent does several years have to be to prove a " fallow " period. It is clear it is not going to change, anytime soon.



It still makes me think, why have i come so far to give up now? Nearly four weeks we have been argy bargying. It would be stupid to give up now, until i've lost the war. I'm losing every battle at the moment, but so long as the war is won? I'd much rather go to work and receive the help i still feel i'm entitled to. I know i should be in a nuthouse. I know i should maybe in hospital for my own safety, or to let my mind, body and health recover from this continous stress i've been under for several years. I'm not even contemplating how to get ani back on the road, just yet. As a consequence, i've just spent a 14 hour day just getting to work and back. For what? Peanuts


I've now got to give them a daily record. Thats a record of every day this year. January and february. Do you want to know when i went to the toilet? I'll tell you. Whatever it takes. Barstewards.


I couldn't face opening my curtains yesterday, but eventually, it was such a beautiful sunny day, i opened them. I looked out into my garden which i've still not been in, and realised along with the crocuses and snowdrops, i had something growing. In fact, lots of things growing. It took a while for the penny to drop. Daffodils. In abundance. My garden is going to be full of daffodils.

Aesop

ani_26 wrote: »

I looked out into my garden which i've still not been in, and realised along with the crocuses and snowdrops, i had something growing. In fact, lots of things growing. It took me a while for the penny to drop. Daffodils. In abundance. My garden is going to be full of daffodils.

probably doesn't look like this ani, BUT don't you think it is a sign?

you have always wanted daffodils, now you have them. YOUR garden has them. YOUR HOME has daffodils.

ani_26

Thanks Aesop xx


Apparently the guy who had this place previously, was a landscape gardener, hence the patio, too.



I bought myself a bunch of daffs for 79p on saturday. I've got to the stage where i don't have any money and i don't care, anymore. I don't have enough for the rent, the council tax, the gas, the electric and so forth. What the the hell. Its unreasonable to live like this anymore. I CAN'T live like this anymore. This is NO way to live. I bought a small amount of food and some daffs. After all, as they say, you can't take it with you. Nobody can do anything to me.You can't have what i haven't got, and i have very little indeed. I just wanted to be like a normal human being and buy a buch of daffs, ( along with the two litre bottle of vodka i forgot to buy). I never drink vodka.

beanielou

Keep plodding x