Life after bankruptcy?

Aesop

Ani, can I ask a personal question? Before your bankruptcy, working in the industry you have been, were they always such bad payers? Paying when and where they felt like it?

beanielou

But the semi break may set you up for a wee while?
no way you can ask for a semi advance on expenses I suppose?

ani_26

Aesop, largely, yes. Makes you think, does'nt it? I don't have one single brain cell, do i?

Thats it, now. I'm off to bed. Just as well i decided to go on the website and book my hotel tonight. Managed to get the cheapest room left, on the site. Not that i'll be spending any time there, other tham sleeping, sadly.


Beanie, i've been told no, to upfront expenses. Just as well i have a small amount of money in my account. Its when it runs into weeks, up front, major problems occur. I wonder what they'd have said, if i said no? I doubt they would have found anyone else, to go. Bit short sighted there. They are more desperate, than me?

Aesop

That's a shame Ani. I know with some companies if they are desperate for you to do a job, they will negotiate a higher fee with you for your trouble.

ani_26

Aaaargh, no pay today, as they say. Yesterday i felt like a hamster in a cage running round one of those wheel things, they run on. It makes no difference how fast you run. The outcome is the same. I can't work any harder than i am already. Its a slow and exhausting, death. I still feel like a hamster.

ani_26

Hoorah, i've finally got some money in my bank account. I'm going to stop checking in the mornings, as transactions don't seem to appear after midnight anymore. Increasingly they are arriving after midday. Two payments yesterday, took me to my elusive target, where i wanted / needed to see a four figure sum in my accout. Only just, mind, and i withdrew £50 today, as i actually forgot i had money in my account, yesterday, to cover my work expenses whilst i'm away. Which took it below the elusive target again, but i arrived home today to find a cheque which takes me back to a comforting sum. Thankfully i can deposit it into the bank tomorrow, so it will have chance to clear. Its such a pain, going to the nearest branch. The joys of being br. I've got the rent money, two weeks before it is due, for the first time. Its such a relief.

I'm so looking forward to my trip to the seaside, even though i'm working. Some fresh sea air, and a change of scenery. I've rung the hotel and requested the best room in the hotel. No guarantees, but still. Not that i'll have much chance to enjoy the sea view, biut i'm going to have a beer and just chill, in the few hours i have, before the early start, again. Looking forward to my fish and chips, too, as at least it will be reimbursed in expenses.

I was talking to a work colleague, and i almost died in horror, as i thought they had been reading my diary. Saying exactly all the things i've been saying. They are considering giving up work as they too, may be better off. Its almost harder work, 'chasing' your pay, then it is going out to work in the first place. I've got some of mine because i've chased it, but others are still waiting. They always have an excuse, not to pay you. The claim must have got lost in the post. No it has'nt, because we both came down to the office and handed it directly to you. Oh. Might have some more pay due on monday too. It comes in dribs and drabs, but if the dribs and drabs arrive at roughly the same time, it all adds up to what adds up to what a ' normal ' person would recive in their monthly paycheque. I have'nt had chance to do my acounts for the last two weeks. Hardly any spare time. I must sort my pay at easter, and ensure it reaches the pay run, in time to be paid. Its alot of money.


As i was analysing my situation yesterday, before i was paid, it struck me that it i died right now, i would die solvent. How ironic. With a few grand due to me now, and a worthless car i've spent a fortune on, there would be a few grand in my estate, barring the items still in the pawn shop. No more pawn shop or payday loans, if i can help it. Because despite the fact i'm bankrupt, i've still had to ' acquire ' credit, wherever i could, to reach the stage where i am now. I hate myself for it, but i had no option. I'm supposed to have erased my debts, but i've had to invest in work, to be able to work and reach the stage where i am now. The payday loan company rang me on monday. I've paid it off, ( they only lend small amounts). Would i like another. Yesterday i thought i might have to, and back to the pawn shop with my fiddle too. I only need to take my bankcard now, as they now know me. But i'm never going down that road again, ever. Well i hope not, anyway. You have to do, what you have to do, if you have no other option. To get to the stage where you have to pawn the smallest item you can find, just to get £18, is the lowest of the low. But when its £18 as opposed to nothing? Never again. Just two more trips to the pawn shop, one in may, and one in june, and i can finally say i'm straight. Completely debt free. I don't want to go now, as you never know what is going to happen. I can't believe the cheque i received today was for work i did two weeks ago. Theres no rhyme or reason, and i'd have received it sooner if they had'nt sent it to my old address, even though they know my new address, as i've just spent the last few weeks working for them.

Ah, the house. I spoke to my ex neighbours again this week. They said its definitely sold this time. A young couple, expecting a baby. I feel resentful. They will be living in my home. Its going to become a reality someone will now be living in my home. Its been empty for almost six months now. It still makes me feel sad, but only if i think about it, so i must blank it. I hate my house, now, and everything it stood for.


Life has changed so much. I still only spend money on essentials. Essential bills, and all but essential food. Word on the street has it that its about to go quiet on the work front, again, which means i have to hold on to every penny i can, still, for now. Though the work still appears to be arriving at my door, others say they've nothing.

Which means, i can't complain, and i've got to continue working these punishing hours whilst i still can, have the opportunity. I've completely lost track of when i had my last day off. Was it 6 weeks ago? Maybe two months ago? I'm wasted, but i still keep on going. I've got to. I'm desperate for a day off, but its onlly when i looked in my diary, i realised its easter next week? Where did that come from? I did'nt realise, i'm working good friday, and saturday, and so far i think my first day off in two months, is easter sunday. I've got so much sorting out to do here, but i want to have a day doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Maybe not even get out of bed. Maybe go for a walk, somewhere. I've still no plans for that day, as i'll take it as it comes. Whatever, i feel like doing, or not.

So from now until then, i'll look forward to at least seeing the sea, hearing the seagulls, feeling the wind on my face, eating some fish and chips, and maybe it will give me strength, until easter sunday.

beanielou

Happy trip to the seaside
Glad you got some [EMAIL="££££@s"]££££'s[/EMAIL] today

ani_26

Maty.

As i think its your birthday on Sunday? and i'm likely to be offline for a few days, whilst i'm working away, i'll wish you a very happy birthday XX

I won't be home from work until late tomorrow evening, and i'll have to be up at 1.30 am on sunday morning. I've still not decided if its worth going to bed tomorrow, but maybe if i crawl into bed as soon as i get home from work?:rotfl: I've thrown a few things into a bag tonight, so thats the extent of my packing :rotfl:


So have a fab day on sunday, and a very happy birthday to you xx



_party_ :bdaycake: _party_

ani_26

beanielou wrote: »

Happy trip to the seaside
Glad you got some ££££'s today

Thanks beanie xx


Hope you are well? xx

SazM030306

Wow what a diary!! It's taken me over a week to read it all.
You have come so far Ani, and I know you have the strength to go even further. You are an inspiration, and your writing is gripping!
You more than deserve those fish and chips and that sea air. Enjoy
I look forward to reading more.
Saz xxx