**Weekend Chat Thread 18/19th Sep Day 7 of the challenge!

clairewop

BB Wow what a lot to think about, I'm sorry but I wouldn't have a clue either.

Burlesque_Babe

I just feel there's a world of houses out there to buy and he has to buy this one? I know my ex would just stay there for years to come but there has to be other property available with a guaranteed tenant, surely. He says he can't understand why I would have any emotional feelings about him doing it. He says it is 'business'. I just don't 100% believe the money is there. He says his Dad can get it by cashing in investments but it doesn't feel right.

Perhaps it's partly me being selfish but I just do not want my past and present crossing over like this. Perhaps if my OH were a different 'beast' and I could genuinely feel he wouldn't have thoughts whirring away in his head I would say I would be happy to talk to my ex about it, but I can't feel this and I don't feel I should be exposing my ex to potential unhappyness at some point either if it fell through or some point in the future, it isn't fair.

The rental market for my ex is a little limited. He wants rural and not a modern property within a small budget which is Charlie friendly. There are lots of houses out there but only a few each week which accept a pet (or consider one). I am sure when the time comes and he has a timescale in front of him he will find somewhere. He has said if needs be he will go to his Mum's with Charlie if nothing is immediately available.

Gemmzie

I forget BB, do you own or rent your place?

Burlesque_Babe

I own my house Gemmzie.

Gemmzie

I don't know about the difference in prices, but could OH take over your property and then you take over ex-OH's?

Burlesque_Babe

I don't want my OH having any financial involvement in my property - ever. When I was in debt he offered to 'buy in' with some money that gave him a small stake in the place and it would have cleared my debt. I felt uneasy then and that was 5 years ago and I didn't know back then why he really wanted some of it. My OH wants another house so he can leave it to his daughter as well as it being a pension investment. He has said if we bought a place it would be about his daughter (who he rarely sees) - not about something for us for the future. He has made it abundantly clear over the years that he does not 'share' and I now sadly think 'fine, suit yourself'.

I can't buy into my ex's property as even though I have had a pay increase to around 22k that isn't enough to increase my mortgage to (say) buy out half his mortgage.

Gemmzie

I think that answers your question, if you wouldn't let him near your property then why would you put ex-OH through that either?

Burlesque_Babe

exactly Gemmzie........He has offered to buy half my property a couple of times for the sole purpose of leaving his half to his daughter. I said I would never entertain that. What if she wanted to sell? Or move in? He just says 'I'll have documents drawn up that say she can't unless you agree' but (sorry for the bluntness here) why would he care - it is after his death!

Initially I said I wouldn't talk to my ex about it. OH got bolshy and started saying how he would knock on the door and offer it to him. I said 'who will you say you are?' and he couldn't answer. He feels my ex would be a !!!!!! head and a stupid !!!!! not to say 'yes'..........

Gemmzie

If OH is insistant about ex-OH's place, which it sounds like he is. Then I think I'd probably give ex-OH a heads up to steer clear.

In a few years, you could end up in a situation where OH is an ex, and then gets silly with rent etc for ex-OH, kicks him out and moves his daughter in. I know you love that house, so I'm guessing you don't want her in it

Burlesque_Babe

Gemmzie wrote: »

In a few years, you could end up in a situation where OH is an ex, and then gets silly with rent etc for ex-OH, kicks him out and moves his daughter in. I know you love that house, so I'm guessing you don't want her in it

This is the exact reason I don't want it to happen. If my ex sells (as he is currently) and someone else moves in, then that is life. Sad, but it will pass. I know I will split with OH at some point (I am resigned to that now, I can't carry on trying year in, year out to have things continue as they are) and I just can't stand the thought of him still hovering in the background as he will know I am still there for Charlie. I know him too well.