**Weekend Chat Thread 18/19th Sep Day 7 of the challenge!

sammy115

cyclura wrote: »

:rotfl: see thats why I like this forum, it always bring a smile to my face :rotfl::rotfl:

I 'sometimes' have a spare room! Just need to get rid of the OH again for a bit...:D

sammy115

Pooky wrote: »

Morning Sammy and all who follow....



I think you summed it up for me there, DH and I were chatting about it all last night and we came to the conclusion that currently I'm at the end of a journey....obviously as life moves on that might change but it's why I can't really understand why others are pushing so hard for something that isn't making them happy at the moment.

It sounds quite smug to say - I'm there, I've done it - but I have. I suppose that seeing it broken down into chunks in a challenge seems alien to me as I've never really done that on paper or out loud, it's just the way my brain works.

And yes - everyone is taking something from this whole challenge thing, even if it's not what was intended.:T

I think you are quite a motivated individual Pooky and also think you have dealt with quite a lot admirably so I don't really think you need to 'see' it broken down into chunks.

I would have said the same thing about me about six years ago. Quite happy with what i had but it all went a bit Pete Tong...which made me re evaluate my life quite a lot, but also made me wary of planning anything in the long term as I felt you couldn't predict what life threw at you so why would you set yourself up for failure. However, I have realised in that not planning anything I haven't really moved forward which I need to do now.:)

Burlesque_Babe

Morning folks.

I have a bit of a difficult situation at the moment and it's been eating me up all week and I'd appreciate a few other opinions.

Many of you know my ex is selling up as he lost his job. He has a buyer and it's progressing with no exchange date set yet. He is going to rent somewhere and with his budget it will mean moving out into the sticks as Poole is very dear. By coincidence, I asked last Sunday if he would stay if someone bought and asked him to be a tenant. He said yes.

On Monday OH suddenly said he wanted to buy my ex's house. He has wanted to buy a property for more years than I've known him. I've personally seen it as a pipe dream for him but he tells me his Dad has the capital to give him and it will be his pension investment (OH has no pension in place) and that he hasn't done it before because of the lack of a guaranteed tenant. He wants to leave my ex there as tenant for literally up to lifetime if that is what he wants. He isn't wanting to inspect, go there, have a key even. He wants to offer it at the top of his rent budget (£700) which is around £150 cheaper than the rent for a similar property in the area. As long as he pays each month, he doesn't care what he does to the place as long as he doesn't wreck it (hardly likely obviously!).

On the face of it to anyone not knowing me/OH etc it seems perfect.

OH gets the property investment he craves with a long serving tenant
Ex gets to stay where he is for as long as he chooses
I get the same access to Charlie - if ex moves to the sticks I'd not see much of him

However........I feel very uncomfortable and told OH this. He got very defensive and couldn't see the problem with him being my ex's landlord. I felt it was all a bit 'close to home' and although I didn't say it, I know how crafty my OH can be when it comes to loopholes. He got quite stroppy and even asked if I wasn't happy 'because there was something going on with me and my ex' which is utter rubbish - if there were, I would want him to stay - I'd be biting OH's hand off at the plan!!!

Whilst the plan in theory is perfect all round, I don't feel good vibes.

Who do I say this buyer is? I can't say it is OH, I left my ex for him and whilst I am sure my ex knows I am with him, neither of us have ever mentioned anything.

What if OH doesn't have access to the money and it falls through? He says he does. It's taken 8 months for my ex to get an offer. My ex would go under if he had to wait for another one if OH pulled out and I would never forgive myself for suggesting it.

I have qualms about the 2 areas of my life becoming 'joined'. If/when I split with OH, I am sure Charlie will still be part of my life and I just will hate the fact he is my ex's landlord and it wouldn't surprise me if he then got 'difficult' knowing I was still around my ex and the house because of access to Charlie.

So.......I have a difficult decision.

- tell my ex I have been approached and this is the deal. Let him make the decision based on the slightly vague proposition I have and pray it goes through and my OH does nothing nasty in the future

- don't tell my ex, lie to my OH and say he wants to move anyway. OH would probably get pushy and threaten to go see him and persuade him but I don't think he would. It would be denying my ex the chance to stay in the house for the next 5/10/20 years but it would protect him from what I know OH can be like. This is the man who can take on the CSA and beat them as well as knowing every tax loophole in the book.

I just don't know and it is really doing my head in

SuzySu

Hiya Sammy, Pooky, Bookie, cyclura and all yet still to get out of their pits!!!!

Sammy - you sound so motivated at the moment which is brilliant. I think the problem with my 'aims' is that they are so outside my comfort zone (most of them anyway). I am very happy just toodling along, not doing anything to rock the boat and I think that's the reason why I'm in the job I'm in. Don't get me wrong; I love it. But I can do SO much more with my life. I've discovered I'm scared of failing (which I'm sure is the same for a lot of people) so most times I don't even bother taking the risk - whatever it is. I am in a job that I could do standing on my head and still be good at it. I feel successful because I know I'm doing a good job but I don't feel challenged or stimulated.

My list is full of changes - country, career etc and I think that if I don't do these things now while I am (just!) still young enough to give them a go, I will look back on my life and say "why the fook didn't you just go for it??". It is very scary for me and I think my head is still buried in the sand to a large extent. I am a great believer in lists and feel a great sense of achievement when even the smallest thing is ticked off.

So if it's ok, I'm going to continue with your challenge but not on here as it's just too big at the moment. Thanks for starting this challenge Sammy. It's made a lot of people stop and take stock of their lives and either realise they have all they want and need, or think about what they need to do to achieve this.

SuzySu

Blimey BB.....that really is a tough one and not a decision I would find easy to make either. Do you have a 'gut instinct' about what you think would be best? Sorry hun.....this is a very diffiicult area. I can totally understand your dilemma. Sorry not to offer any real practical advice. I'm sure other very practical-minded people will offer you some 'proper' advice soon but really feel for you about this.

bookseller1980

Don't know what to advise BB which isn't very helpful I know.
1 thing though - living a lie is never good and eventually it will slip out and it will be you that looks the worst as you are caught in the middle!
Won't your OH's name show on the selling/renting agreements though or does ex OH not know his name?

Burlesque_Babe

My ex doesn't know his name and he wants the rent to go to his Dad who lives up north (so I think the deeds will be in his Dad's name, this is an area I can't quite wriggle the whole story out of him about). My gut instinct is that it will go sour at some point, whether long or short term.

OH has said 3 times now he won't do anything to my ex or the situation because it is the house he wants as an income investment in 15 or 20 years time and so he just wants to have it and leave it alone for as many years as my ex wants to live there. He'd be happy for him to sign something for 5/10/15 years!

clairewop

good morning

lovely day here, washing machines on with school uniform.

I'm not a happy chappy though, i weighed this morning i've put on 3lb

SuzySu

BB....I think you know the answer then, but are having difficulty knowing what to do from here. Maybe I'm presuming too much, but that is what comes across from your posts.

daphne_descends

Morning DFWs :wave:

sorry am having a bit of a guilty lurk. But have to say BB I would not like this one bit. If your OH wants an investment then great, he can buy a house. But not that one. Too much potential for it to be messy IMO.