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Is wanting a large family so bad?

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  • Just wanted to gauge some opinions on this one. We already have 4 kids and have struggled mightily with money for past 18mths. However have now sorted ourselves out - higher income, realistic budget and have curbed the spending. But still have approx 6k of debt that is being paid off - all up to date though but managed through a DMP. I have also managed to save 4.5K in ISA's for emergency fund as we now live on one salary so have some security. Am now intending to save for early debt repayment.

    So onto the question - I have 4 kids and want more....5-6 to be exact. People seem to imply that this might be irresponsible - what do others think?

    Asking what we think about this will bring a slew of positive and negative responses.
    I think it is irresponsible as global population is very large, and we don't need more people.
    In addition, there is only one of you and loads of children, so they get precious little time with you already.
    Some people who keep having children are running away from dealing with the present - it gives them something important and immediate to focus on.

    Why don't you write a list of WHY you want more children (and answers like 'I just do' doesn't cut the mustard)

    Good luck to you and your decision making skills
  • gravitytolls
    gravitytolls Posts: 13,558 Forumite
    http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/esp_sociopol_depopu22.htm

    Just an opposing population idea.

    We are a large family ~ the two eldest worked since leaving school (though the eldest hhas just been laid off), the next has just started 6th for,.

    DH worked since 15yrs, I worked through college and beyond, P/T once we had children. The children are often remarked to be 'a credit to us', and we are proud to have raised well mannered children with a strong work ethic ~ they are kind, helpful and occasionally arsey, we love them all.

    Individual time? They have two parents, and each parent does things with the children. Do they need individual time every single day?#

    A snapshot :

    Last week ~ DH played golf with 20 yr old and 16 yr old. He took the 8 yr old fishing, delivered newspapers with the 12 yr old, played pool with the 21 yr old.

    I cooked dinner with the 14 yr old and 12 yr old, baked cakes and biscuits with the 5 and 3 yr old, played with the baby, did jigsaws with the 8,5 and 3 yr olds, took them on the choo choo train.

    We eat at the table, listen to one another, play spelling and times table games after dinner, read books before bed etc.

    Is there an environmental impact from aving children? Probably. Is there an environmental impact from not having them? Probably, but perhaps the impact is not apparent yet, it coiuld be devastating to our planetry future.

    Nobody knows what will happen in the future; many scientists are not only expecting, but waiting, for the next pandemic which will wipe out millions of human beings, we are apparently overdue a pandemic. Hence the WHA's panic over swine flu, they thought that could be it. Maybe we would be irresponsible in not ensuring the planet was populated enough to withstand such a scenario?

    Anyhoo, ultimately it's up to you. You're not some flippety jibbet knocking out offspring willy nilly to every fella that passes through your life/bed, you are raising and will continue to raise, happy, well adjusted children who will become responsible adults. I can't see the problem personally ~ we all have different priorities.

    We have a large family and adjust our lifestyle accordingly. Some have fewer children and holiday abroad, drive big cars, eat out etc. It's horses for courses.
    I ave a dodgy H, so sometimes I will sound dead common, on occasion dead stupid and rarely, pig ignorant. Sometimes I may be these things, but I will always blame it on my dodgy H.

    Sorry, I'm a bit of a grumble weed today, no offence intended ... well it might be, but I'll be sorry.
  • liney
    liney Posts: 5,121 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    From your origional post it seems you would not be able to afford more children without additional govenment assistance, which is very likely to be cut anyway; even child benefit has been mentioned.

    If you cannot afford more children, then it is irresponsible to have them, in my opinion.
    "On behalf of teachers, I'd like to dedicate this award to Michael Gove and I mean dedicate in the Anglo Saxon sense which means insert roughly into the anus of." My hero, Mr Steer.
  • If you can afford it and have the space and can share yourselves around equally to your kids and hubby then go for it.

    I couldn't do it though. I have days when I think I'd like more but I love having my freedom and quiet time as well of being able to do lots of things with each of my kids and hubby.

    I have a friend who has four and she never stops whether it be washing, cleaning, cooking and then there are all the different out of school activities. She looks constantly drained and is always shattered. So I'd think about that too.
  • Well said gravitytolls and Imp!
  • http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/esp_sociopol_depopu22.htm

    Just an opposing population idea.

    We are a large family ~ the two eldest worked since leaving school (though the eldest hhas just been laid off), the next has just started 6th for,.

    DH worked since 15yrs, I worked through college and beyond, P/T once we had children. The children are often remarked to be 'a credit to us', and we are proud to have raised well mannered children with a strong work ethic ~ they are kind, helpful and occasionally arsey, we love them all.

    Individual time? They have two parents, and each parent does things with the children. Do they need individual time every single day?#

    A snapshot :

    Last week ~ DH played golf with 20 yr old and 16 yr old. He took the 8 yr old fishing, delivered newspapers with the 12 yr old, played pool with the 21 yr old.

    I cooked dinner with the 14 yr old and 12 yr old, baked cakes and biscuits with the 5 and 3 yr old, played with the baby, did jigsaws with the 8,5 and 3 yr olds, took them on the choo choo train.

    We eat at the table, listen to one another, play spelling and times table games after dinner, read books before bed etc.

    Is there an environmental impact from aving children? Probably. Is there an environmental impact from not having them? Probably, but perhaps the impact is not apparent yet, it coiuld be devastating to our planetry future.

    Nobody knows what will happen in the future; many scientists are not only expecting, but waiting, for the next pandemic which will wipe out millions of human beings, we are apparently overdue a pandemic. Hence the WHA's panic over swine flu, they thought that could be it. Maybe we would be irresponsible in not ensuring the planet was populated enough to withstand such a scenario?

    Anyhoo, ultimately it's up to you. You're not some flippety jibbet knocking out offspring willy nilly to every fella that passes through your life/bed, you are raising and will continue to raise, happy, well adjusted children who will become responsible adults. I can't see the problem personally ~ we all have different priorities.

    We have a large family and adjust our lifestyle accordingly. Some have fewer children and holiday abroad, drive big cars, eat out etc. It's horses for courses.

    These figures were from a book written in 1988, is there anything more up to date we could look at?
    How could Dr. Jacqueline Kasun know what the world would be like all these years later, and how can we know what the future will hold? I can take my best guess and it doesn`t look good.


    I can see that it would be lovely to have a large family, if you can afford it without handouts and if this country had the space to grow our own food. We used to grow a lot more of our own food, but that went, now we grow what we can at home or buy stuff flown in largely from abroad. There was a discussion on a recent thread about how other countries such as China and India are becoming more prosperous and want better food, including dairy produce. More competition for food and for the space to grow it.

    There is also a need for people to have housing without being crowded into dwellings with little or no space, that way lies mental illness I think. Even houses/flats with little soundproofing can result in angry exchanges between neighbours.

    It seems there is a crisis over schools now, no money for repairs or new builds. Does anyone have any figures to show how many children of school age there are in this country?

    This year in the NW we have had a hosepipe ban, who would have thought that in one of the rainiest parts of the UK that would happen? I am guessing a general increase in population plus no new reservoirs being built have been contributary factors.
    I think that is the right of everyone to have a child if they wish, and not to bear a child if they do not want to do so. If the population here increases might it be that younger people now will not be able to have a family in the future because the country is overcrowded? Or might it be that people will be limited to one child and forced to have an abortion if they become pregnant a second time?

    I wish this lady well whatever she decides though, and I hope my vision of the future is unnecessarily bleak.
  • DKLS
    DKLS Posts: 13,461 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Ultimately its up to you, from my view point I couldn't fit one child into my life let alone six.
    To me it seems a hell of a lot of worry/responsibility/expense/hassle etc to bring up a child, I don't know how parents do it.
  • gravitytolls
    gravitytolls Posts: 13,558 Forumite
    Louisa, there probably is more up to date stuff, some factual, some not, if I could be bothered to look for it, but I can't ~ well not at the mo.

    The point is, we can all find stuff to back up our opinions if we choose, ultimately the choices we make in life are ours to make, regardless of the opinions of others, regardless of right and wrong, regardless of any effect it may have on others. In some cases we reap the rewards of such choices, in others we pay the price, but they're still our choices to make.

    IMO, the OP has already decided, I suspect se will disregard those opinions that differ from hers, and be glad to receive those that support her. Nothing wrong with that, it's just good old human nature.
    I ave a dodgy H, so sometimes I will sound dead common, on occasion dead stupid and rarely, pig ignorant. Sometimes I may be these things, but I will always blame it on my dodgy H.

    Sorry, I'm a bit of a grumble weed today, no offence intended ... well it might be, but I'll be sorry.
  • turn3r
    turn3r Posts: 50 Forumite
    Hi
    My friend has 6 children, her and her partner have their own company, and own home, she is a terrific mum and he is a terrific father. I totally believe she is superwoman. I don't think that it is anyone elses business how many children you have UNLESS you and your OH are not working, claiming benefits and council housing and then I would think it extremely wrong. These people on benefits who continue to produce children without being able to support them really angers me, but the governments who continue to allow this abuse of the benefits system angers me even more!! They should be helping more of those that try and help themselves.
  • Louisa, there probably is more up to date stuff, some factual, some not, if I could be bothered to look for it, but I can't ~ well not at the mo.

    The point is, we can all find stuff to back up our opinions if we choose, ultimately the choices we make in life are ours to make, regardless of the opinions of others, regardless of right and wrong, regardless of any effect it may have on others. In some cases we reap the rewards of such choices, in others we pay the price, but they're still our choices to make.

    IMO, the OP has already decided, I suspect se will disregard those opinions that differ from hers, and be glad to receive those that support her. Nothing wrong with that, it's just good old human nature.

    Ah well, snap! :) I have a vile headache today and couldn`t be bothered to look for more sources, probably wouldn`t have been able to make sense of them today anyway.

    Yes it does sound like the OP has more or less decided what she wants to do. My post wasn`t intended to be churlish, but I am very much afraid that my feeling about the quality of life in this country in the future will be all too real.
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