I'm a bad mum and i'm so ashamed

fsdss

angeluk69 wrote:

I just wanted to re iterate what I said in my earlier post, you can refer yourself to Homestart, don't wait for someone else to do it. Ocassionally professionals get it wrong and i knew a someone that got referred for completely the wrong reason, she just needed to get out and learn how to lve witha cyoung child and sometimes if you go to your Hv saying how you feel you can be picked up on wrongly and be referred. The best thing to do is contact Homestart omn the website and someone will contact you. Explain to them how you have been feeling.

yes you can refer yourself but it also depends on the available resources your area has. in my area homestart are so short of volunteers that they can only prioritise referrals from other agencies.

if you live in a sure start area, visit their centre, even if its for dropping in for coffee as they will have loads of activities / groups for parents like yourself

Katgoddess

fsdss wrote:

if you live in a sure start area, visit their centre, even if its for dropping in for coffee as they will have loads of activities / groups for parents like yourself

A lot of the activities are for parents as well. The surestart where I work runs free courses for parents such as first aid, food hygeine, computing etc. With a free creche.

jpwhittle

you know what i think the problem is? admitting you lose your rag with yor child has become such a taboo subject that noone will say when they need help. we all live in fear of being judged or being the worst mother because we cant do everything.
My mums and tots group are the same you go for support and you darent say anything. iv said once or twice i could strangle my boy and you can see everyones faces change. im sorry but his whining gets on my nerves sometimes.
i felt so ashamed the night i came out of hospital and i looked at my son and wanted him dead (shock horor i can hear the gasps now) it was a momentary thought and i was devastated i couldnt talk to anyone. i was also told at 5 month pregnant i would be a crap mum so i felt i had a lot to prove. i still do i get myself in a right tiz cos i never seem to get round to cleaning the house when noahs awake and cant be bothered at night i feel i should be able to cook and clean now but i cant always.
i think we should have somewhere were mums can go nd be completley honest about how theyfeel i think it would stop alot of depression and make alot of mums feel so much better

jellyhead

come round to my house, i bet yours is cleaner :rotfl: roo takes up all of my attention, if i did more housework i think i would have less patience.

Dohjo

Hi there
God it's so hard isn't it?!
You're certainly not alone. I have a 2 year old and 5 month old. They were crying in stereo this morning and I wanted to rip my hair out!!!!
Your post could have been written by me. Motherhood came as a massive shock and despite my ideals I started to shout and bawl just like my parents did and really started to beat myself up over it.
I had PND last year which developed when DD1 was 6 months old.
Work was my only pleasure and I started to dread weekends when I had to be with her. I had zero tolerance and felt I wasn't cut out for motherhood (despite being totally in love with her) - the guilt was terrible.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know of this site I found which helped me enormously

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk

They email you every few days with advice - it's very straight forward common sense and might be of help. Maybe you don't need this but instead the odd night out / massage / hour to yourself eating chocs and reading HEAT!!
But it sounds like you need to love yourself abit first and give yourself a break.
As for dealing with toddlers, I've found that spending time with DD engaging in a game (especially when I really can't be a***d!) really reaps rewards. If I give her my time, she loves it and is an angel. If I'm constantly "too tired or busy" (and let's face it - who isn't), she plays up to get my attention.
I'd also recommend "Your Baby & Child" by Penelope Leach. She says that toddlers need help managing their ever-changing emotions. One minute trying to be an independant little person, the next still being a needy baby. I always try to remember this when my LO has a breakdown over nothing!

Sorry to waffle, just wanted to say hang on in there- you're doing a great job
Take Care

stefejb

Don't be too hard on yourself! two is a horrible age but it does end - i have a 2yo grandson and he responds very well to "naughty steps" and time outs. when my older dds were younger i found "liberated parents" very useful. it's basically about using listening skills, stating expectations and using natural consequences as punishment - this might not be so useful for a 2yo though. I think Toddler Taming is quite good - (goes off to find old old copy but fails - ah well)

stef

bargain_babe

Hi Astonsmummy, Ive just caught up with this thread, you know how we all feel about you, most of the mse community are kind and we all wish you the very best!

I am a nursery teacher and I manage to look after 26 little darlings all day - they behave quite well - most are only just 3 - but most of their mums say they are defo not angels!!

Although I manage them well, and am a qualified nursery nurse, I cant say I can manage my own 3 kids - I too end up shouting and screaming and at work they think i have the patience of a saint!! Sometimes I feel like two different people - good at my job but a really bad mum!!

Everyone has their down points but no-one is perfect and as Ive said before - youre a great mum - stop worrying and try to enjoy it, hope your feeling better in yourself - if I can help at all with any advice (Yeah right!!!) just pm me. anyway take care mate - we all love ya

astonsmummy

Thnx again for everyones support, it's so helpful.
Unfortunately i cant go to the parenting course as i've just started a new job and cant get the time off, but i spoke to the nursery nurse/health visitor that runs it and she and my support worker from surestart are gonna hopfully come to my house and give me some advice and stuff.

bargain_babe

hope they help you mate, see if you can go to some of the toddler groups - like the ones Surestart run and you can meet loads of other mums and know you are not alone in the way you sometimes feel and nowhere near a bad mum!! xxx

betterbargains4u

What a brave lady you are!
Many of us have gone through the same thing and not had the courage to stand up and admit that we are not perfect parents.
Children...no matter how much we love them..can be DRAINING!!
I was a single parent and your story is similar to my own.
I had a very problematic upbringing, and it still affects me to this day. I swore that I would not treat my Daughter the same way as I had been treated as a child.
However..when money was tight..all of my friends were single and carefree..no family to lean upon..I have to admit that I took things out on my Daughter.
She is now married and has turned out to be a well adjusted and rounded person...whom I adore.
I don't think that you need anti depressants.....you need people!!
Whether or not you have family or friends to turn to...you can always confide in us.
No-body is going to judge you..or give you a hard time. Most people just want to help.
The one and only piece of advice that I can give, after going through the same sort of situation is, to try to remember that things WILL get better for you.
Your Son will grow up and make you proud of him....no matter what he does.
Try to look back on his childhood with a smile and not a tear.