I'm a bad mum and i'm so ashamed

Onebadmum

I am a user of this site but have signed up in a different name as i dont want anyone to know who i am.
I dont know where else to turn, and i dont even know if this is the right place to post but i just need some advice really.
As my username and title states, i think i am a bad mum.
I dont beat my child or anything but i feel like i am forever shouting at him, and have on the odd occasion slapped him. i have put him nursery near on full time because i cant handle him, he's not even that naughty.
To be perfectly honest he gets on my nerves, dont get me wrong i love him to pieces but i just find it hard to be around him without getting the hump.
The littleist things make me angry and i shout at him for them, the reason i am posting is beacause i watched a programme on telly the other day and thought, god do i sound like that?!
I hate being like this, i grew up being scared of my parents and i can see the fear in my sons eyes sometimes and it guts me.
I have always been hit headed and easily get the hump anyway but the fact i keep taking it out on him is really getting to me because i dont want to be like this.
Does anyon have any advice on dealing with 'normal' toddler behaviour?

CarolnMalky

I dont have kids, but think I would be like that if I ever had any!

Nothing to be ashamed about IMHO, and you aint a bad mum!

Maybe you should have a visit to your GP, could be depression or something similar. Do you have a close friend you could confide in? Or a health visitor?

Carol xxx

patchwork_cat

First thing is don't beat yourself up. If you are correct then you have taken the first step and admitted it - now you need to build on it.

Maybe you aren't cut out to be a full time mum - not everyone is an earth mother.

There are parenting classes available - I am not 100% sure where, but I am sure that your GP or health visitor will know.

I can't comment on whether you shout at your child too much as I don't know you, but you are not a bad mum as you have self awareness.

Nobody is perfect, but if you feel that you rparenting techniques need reviewing then do so.

mrs_mix

Hi firstly are you a single mum the rerason I ask is it seem's your trying to do everything on your own
secondly I don't think your a bad mum you should hear me shout at my three
my first thoughts are that you are depressed it could still be post-natal even after a length of time
I would go and see your gp tell them how you feel and whats happening they will be able to help
good luck

pam

angeluk69_2

first of all :grouphug: hugs

I will not let you call yourself a bad mum, thats my title!!!!!!!
(only kidding)

I have the same problem with my 2 kids and sometimes I actually feel like walking away from them:eek: which is not a good thing. Only recently I have been able to get to grips with things again.

How many children do you have and what are their ages? This might help with some other advice.

I have recently sought help from
http://www.home-start.org.uk/
I referred myself to them last year and they have been great I have had loads of advice and help from them, and we had trips out and picnics in the summer and now I go to 2 groups a week and will soon have a new volunteer to take some of the pressure off. Normally a HV refers you but you can do it yourself.

www.surestart.gov.uk I haven't had much dealings with these as they don't do much in my immediate area (but I have just moved so am going to try this route again)

Just remember, TV programs have a knack of making us feel like we are carp, SUPERNANNY ('Oh my god that is just like me, I shout at my kids, I walk off when they won't listen!!!!!!')
NANNY 911 (patronising, Mary Poppins wannabees)
HONEY WE'RE KILLING OUR KIDS (I don't think so)

I could go on and I think the worst recently was 'I smack &I'm Proud' it has made parents out to look like we all try tp put the fear of god into our children. I have smacked both of my kids, when they are so naughty there isn't much else to do(I know there are peopl sucking their teeth going 'ooooooo' but it is true)

I shout and scream at my 2 somedays cos they don't listen but does it help, no. Do I stop loving my kids, no.

Is there anyone that can help you out at all friends family OH etc

angeluk69_2

cor i was so long replying 4 people got to it before me

Hope we can make you feel better

Iona_Penny

First stop beating yourself up. You have recognised there may be a problem and you are looking to do something about it, so in my eyes that makes you a good Mum so no more ! :silenced:

Do you think you could be a little depressed or stressed about other things? Perhaps talking to your doctor would help. Also get in touch with your health visitor, they may give you some pointers and suggest perhaps a family group for you to go to.

Onebadmum

Thank you for all your replies.
He is 2 and a few months and i'm a single mum, i dont get any help from anyone else really but thats no excuse for my behaviour.
I have been signed up for parenting classes through social services as i was reffered to them for something else so told them what i was like with my son but i feel like i'll be like this forever then he'll hate me.
I have suffered from depression from about aged 7 so theres nothing new there, noone seems to be able to help or they start and then i get told i'm ok.
I'm just so angry all the time and i hate it

Rachie_B

(((hugs)))

i too was about to ask if you have depression

also you dont say how old your child is ? whether you are a single parent ?

as these can make a huge difference to the way you feel

but you are not a bad mum maybe a tired and unhappy one ((hugs)))

babyblooz

Raising a child is the hardest thing you will EVER do! Babies don't come with a manual, like a new household appliance, so we tend to repeat the way we were brought up ourselves, good or bad. At least you are honestly admitting that something isn't right. LOTS of parents feel this way. Have you got someone you can talk to, a health visitor or a family support worker? Have a word at the nursery. If you can't do it face to face, ring them when its a convenient time for them. People who work with children professionally know how hard it is. There are lots of positive parenting programmes that help you to learn how to enjoy your children, and how to parent them as well as you are able. There is help out there, and its not judgemental, no one is going to call you for being a bad parent. The bad parent is the one who carries on regardless, without a thought for their own behaviour and how it is affecting your child.

Look at it this way! If it was a medical problem you wouldnt hesitate to go and get it sorted. So, you are sorting things out step by step, by first admitting that you need to get moving on this one. Lots of parents have unrealistic expectations about what family life involves. It is noisy, messy and life at home isn't EVER like it shows in the adverts on the telly. If you get the support of other parents, in a friendly and supportive atmosphere, you will see the situation in a different way, and stop beating yourself up.

I only say this as someone who has worked with parents and families for lots of years. Every situation can be improved. The main thing is you need to reconnect with your child because you both need it, for your emotional well being, for both of you. The trouble is, people who don't feel all pink and fluffy about their kids think that there must be something terribly wrong with them, and thats just not true. Speak to someone you trust, or send me a private message and I will help if I can.

God bless!

Rachie_B

Onebadmum wrote:

Thank you for all your replies.
He is 2 and a few months and i'm a single mum, i dont get any help from anyone else really but thats no excuse for my behaviour.
I have been signed up for parenting classes through social services as i was reffered to them for something else so told them what i was like with my son but i feel like i'll be like this forever then he'll hate me.
I have suffered from depression from about aged 7 so theres nothing new there, noone seems to be able to help or they start and then i get told i'm ok.
I'm just so angry all the time and i hate it

we cross posted lol

are you currently taking anti ds ?
you say you shout at your son ? i was a single mum and im ashamed to admit i took my "anger" i felt at the situation out on him

not smacking him or anything but i was constantly angry and fed up and so shouted at him ,a lot as he was the only one there !

what helped me was when he started school and i got a job i loved and started making a life for myself

up until that point i felt pretty useless TBH

you arent the only one in this situation but well done for admitting it

do you have any family / friends nearby who you can talk to / can help out ?