I'm a bad mum and i'm so ashamed

Iona_Penny

What is giving birth properly? I had two emergency c-sections and so clearly failed to start them in the world the right way didn't I? NO of course not; anyone who looks at my great kids has no idea how they were born/fed etc.
He/you will be fine. Children don't come with handbooks, or sadly if they do they're not reading the same one as you!! Everyone here is right with you.

abbecer

I've not had chance to read all the posts so bear with me if i repeat something. I think you would do you and your son a lot of favours if you learn to like yourself more. It seems that being a single parent you get no quality time on your own. If you can afford it treat yourself to a facial or a nice new hairstyle. Make the effort to put on some lipgloss and blusher if you don't already do so. If you feel more positive in yourself this will reflect in your behaviour towards your son/life. My youngest is 20 months and at times i could tear my hair out and i've had severe PND after both my sons so i sympathise whole heartedly. I felt shame and thought i was a bad mother as i felt my sons were being neglected and treated unfairly. Your son will not remember this time so keep strong and make every effort to chance things from now on.

Hugs to you and your son

Rebecca xxxxxx

Janepig

I think you should change your name to "onegoodmum" as a starting point.

I've got two little darlings (age 3 and 9 months) and I look at them sometimes and wonder where on earth they came from because (especially DD) they are turning into such lovely kids and I'm sure it's nothing to do with me.

I've just gone back to work full time after DS and although I was dreading it at first I've settled back in and it gives me a sense of purpose that being a stay at home mum never ever could. I get so depressed hearing stay at home mums say how they really enjoy it and feel like there must be something wrong with me because as much as I love my two I just don't know what to do when I'm stuck at home with them and trying to juggle cooking and cleaning with looking after them is something I just can't do - I just don't know where to start - pathetic or what.

However, when I think I'm being a bad mum I just look at some of the mothers I encounter day to day and I know that despite what I think, I am actually doing a good job of bringing up two beautiful children who really are the light of my life despite everything!!!!

Please don't be too hard on yourself.

Jxxx

kenshaz

I find it difficult to put words down,because I want to say the right things,and I feel that you need support,there is someone out there who can help,but to who do you turn,we all need help with child care no one prepares us we receive no lessons ,just good or bad examples from our parents.I feel that you need an expert to analysis your interaction,perhaps a support group with other people with similar problems .

Horasio

advent1122 wrote:

My son still gets on my nerves............and he is 18.

Join the club:D

Horasio

I must have been the worst mother in the world when my son was a toddler, through no fault of my own.

I had a dream pregnancy and breastfed very well. My troubles came about when my body went back to a non-mothering state. My hormones were all over the place and I was up and down like a yoyo.

I was diagnosed with depression and took pills which eased it a bit.

I was also lucky to have my parents nearby, to ease the load. My son was very active and he exhausted us all!

Now my hormones have been sorted, I feel upset I have missed out on so much. I apologised to my son the other day for my terrible behaviour towards him when he was young.

I would talk to you GP, in case you are depressed or have a hormonal inbalance

skintas_2

i suffered really bad from post natnal depression when i had my second son, i hated him, everything was his fault! i luv him to pieces now! it wasnt him, things in life happen, bills, personla problems, other peoples problems, everything gets to much. stress sets in, have you got anyone who can help you out with your son like a friend or realitive. where i used to live there was a gruop called friends for families, i heard of them thru my hv, they are volunteers they help out families, give you a break help you with your kids. i wouldnt have one cause i thought they would pick on me for being a young mum think i couldnt cope. my friend was in her late 30s had a voultneer she thought it was great a another mum to help her out, even look after the little one while she went to the local swimming pool for a swim a bit of me time, good luck thinking of you x x

angeluk69_2

fsdss wrote:

your couse with social services would i suspect be a parenting course?? i would also ask your social worker to make a referral to homestart for a befriender to come to your home or club to attend.

and to finish off.....your NOT A BAD MOTHER. infact i would say a very brave, sensible and wise mother.

I just wanted to re iterate what I said in my earlier post, you can refer yourself to Homestart, don't wait for someone else to do it. Ocassionally professionals get it wrong and i knew a someone that got referred for completely the wrong reason, she just needed to get out and learn how to lve witha cyoung child and sometimes if you go to your Hv saying how you feel you can be picked up on wrongly and be referred. The best thing to do is contact Homestart omn the website and someone will contact you. Explain to them how you have been feeling.

Last year I felt the same way as you about my son, we were fighting, screaming, yelling and literally banging heads. I loved my son more than anything, even me, but I just couldn't like him for some reason.

He seemed to wind me up all the time and be looking for an oppurtunity to get me mad, but now hes in his second year at school and things seem to have improved.

Try and spend a bit of time each day reading to him or having a spalsh in the bath try laughinh with him lots.

I know it is tough right now and it will get better, cos your little boy loves his mummy and he needs you.

kate1976

Onebadmum wrote:

i feel so much better to realise i'm not the only one.

You are definitely not the only one, I felt the same when my son was little, he's 11 now and occasionally I still feel that way! A lot of my friends have said the same, it doesn't mean we love them any less, just means kids can be annoying little critters who love to push their luck, which is their right apparently!!!

Stop beating yourself up, start counting to 10 when you feel the temper rise (it does work, trust me I know) and good luck with the parenting class!

Hugs to you both!

astonsmummy

Hi everyone,
I thought i may aswell let u all know who i am seeing as i have had such a wonderful responses - i was scared to post in this name incase i got nasty comments.
I'm feeling alot better today and have only snapped at spud once so far, am doing the count to ten thing!
Well i start my parebting course on thursday so am hoping some good will come out of it.
I know i'm depressed i have been since a very young age, my mum reckons since i was about 6 or 7, i dont trust myself with medication so refuse it and am still waiting to hear about concelling, also the CPN who has decided i'm fine said she was going to refer me to anger management - must chase that one up.
Thx everyone xx