I'm a bad mum and i'm so ashamed

jpwhittle

ill bet your not a bad mum. i have a ten month old little boy and i can honestly say that sometimes he really gets on my nerves but the thing is i think i get on his nerves somtimes as well. we are with eachother all the time and i think we just get fed up. ometimes i just want 10 minutes to watch tv or have a drink and cant get it and ill shout at him for nothing. i feel so guilty after and tere have been many times iv gone to bed crying or given him a big hug and not stopped saying sorry. i love my boy to bits hes fantastic but i struggle sometimes i always thought id find motherhood easy but truth is it isnt its hard work.
how old is your little boy? could it not be pnd? i laughed when i got told i had it cos i couldnt leep but this week realised maybe i do just not as bad as some cos sometimes i feel awefull i dont sleep i hate sex and i could strangle my little lad (i never would i could never hurt him).
im sure your a great mum at least yo sent him to nursery for some time out before you did do anything to bad thats actaually as ign of a good mum.
hope this made sense and helped abit sorry for going on

going2die_rich

Maybe like other have said you are just depressed so snap at your child, but a first option could be a councelling group with other mothers. I am sure you wont be alone in the situation. Maybe this will sort things out knowing you aren't alone or having others to talk to who know what you mean.

Time for the amateur psychology - you don't resent your child do you? I don't mean not love your child, but many mothers sometimes wish they had, had either built up a career or waited a few more years before having their child so that they'd be more stable and have more to offer. Maybe you snap at your child because you aren't happy with your own life, so maybe you need a career change or do something that you enjoy such as a hobby so you don't feel just like a mum (not putting down mum life by the way!). If you are happy in your day to day life it'll reflect positively in your daily interaction with your child. Try and have more fun with your child, a cheap way is to go out and about, parks, and just random wondering around. Keeps you both busy and try and get an ice cream on the way home, lol

I am guessing this is your first child, and maybe this is just overwhelming you, ask your parents for help, I am sure they can offer you some advice as I doubt you were a little angel all of the time as a child.

Another option is to ask the nursery if you can volunteer to help out (I'm a 23 year old male so don't know if they allow this or not, hopefully won't know for a good 10 more years!). Maybe time with your child and other children along with the staff there will make it easier and allow you to develop a greater bond with your child so that you wont feel like snapping at your childs naughty antics. Having to deal with other children may just help you develop your control on not to instantly react when a childs been bad.

By the way I don't think having a child in full time nuresry is bad at all, if anything it'll help adapt his social skills greater than those only there for two or 3 hours a day but I would say you are probably missing out on so much by not getting that time with him. Trust me, I'm male, I didn't want my mum around from the age I was 7 or 8 (wanted to look cool with my friends, lol), so you want to try and make the most of this time while mummy being around isn't an uncool thing.

Hope this helps and things work out, and give your kid lots of hugs!

toshkininny

I just wanted to add my bit and say that I am glad there is someone else out there like me! I am not single, but I sometimes feel that every day I have a short temper with my little girl (just over two).

Today, I gave her a slap on her wrist - and felt so bad about that. She ended up in tears and I ended up hugging her, and feeling terrible! I keep saying to myself to try and count to 10 first and then react - but I haven't managed it so far. I don't normally react by hitting or slapping. That slap was the first I have given her. Normally she goes in a naughty corner - I don't know if it will be the last, I hope so.

What's the answer? I don't know. I don't think my little girl will remember that slap in years to come and I don't think it has done psychological damage - but I will definitely remember it! Our children put us through alot of emotional rollercoasters.

kate1976

astonsmummy wrote:

Hi everyone,
I thought i may aswell let u all know who i am seeing as i have had such a wonderful responses - i was scared to post in this name incase i got nasty comments.
I'm feeling alot better today and have only snapped at spud once so far, am doing the count to ten thing!
Well i start my parebting course on thursday so am hoping some good will come out of it.
I know i'm depressed i have been since a very young age, my mum reckons since i was about 6 or 7, i dont trust myself with medication so refuse it and am still waiting to hear about concelling, also the CPN who has decided i'm fine said she was going to refer me to anger management - must chase that one up.
Thx everyone xx

Well done you for posting under your real name, I doubt anyone would've slated you though, being a parent is hard and you've done nothing to be ashamed of, you're also taking steps to make yourself better so that in itself is fantastic, if anyone would've judged you harshly then I'm sure I and a few others would've been there like a shot defending you, show me a parent who is perfect and I'll show my bum in woolworths window!!:p

Take care!

rainbowrisin

astonsmummy wrote:

Hi everyone,
I thought i may aswell let u all know who i am seeing as i have had such a wonderful responses - i was scared to post in this name incase i got nasty comments.
I'm feeling alot better today and have only snapped at spud once so far, am doing the count to ten thing!
Well i start my parebting course on thursday so am hoping some good will come out of it.
I know i'm depressed i have been since a very young age, my mum reckons since i was about 6 or 7, i dont trust myself with medication so refuse it and am still waiting to hear about concelling, also the CPN who has decided i'm fine said she was going to refer me to anger management - must chase that one up.
Thx everyone xx

oh astonsmummy wot r u like???
I've "met" you on other threads and I think you're wonderful.
You nana!!! Why would anyone slate you? You're a good, honest mum who's had a hard time which has left its mark. Where's the badness in that, eh?
The only one that thinks you're bad is you. See, even though we didn't know it was you, we still don't think you're bad, coz you're not.:D
Please let us know how the course goes, and STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!!

Turning_into_scrooge

Onebadmum wrote:

I am a user of this site but have signed up in a different name as i dont want anyone to know who i am.
I dont know where else to turn, and i dont even know if this is the right place to post but i just need some advice really.
As my username and title states, i think i am a bad mum.
I dont beat my child or anything but i feel like i am forever shouting at him, and have on the odd occasion slapped him. i have put him nursery near on full time because i cant handle him, he's not even that naughty.
To be perfectly honest he gets on my nerves, dont get me wrong i love him to pieces but i just find it hard to be around him without getting the hump.
The littleist things make me angry and i shout at him for them, the reason i am posting is beacause i watched a programme on telly the other day and thought, god do i sound like that?!
I hate being like this, i grew up being scared of my parents and i can see the fear in my sons eyes sometimes and it guts me.
I have always been hit headed and easily get the hump anyway but the fact i keep taking it out on him is really getting to me because i dont want to be like this.
Does anyon have any advice on dealing with 'normal' toddler behaviour?

You know, what you have written here was what i told my doctor whilst in floods of tears about 8 years ago. He said i had depression. I couldn't sit down i was screaming at everyone i wasn't sleeping so i was dead tired as well and i felt i couldn't cope. I also grew up scared of my mother because as a small child i couldn't walk past her without being hit, she constantly shouted at me and called me names too, my brothers were treated completely different to me. I am certainly not medically trained so i cant say oh you have depression but maybe a chat with your practise nurse if not your doctor may help to put everything back into perspective for you. :grouphug: Its hard being a parent, isn't it You're not a bad mother at all, no need to go down that road :A

seven-day-weekend

advent1122 wrote:

My son still gets on my nerves............and he is 18.

so does mine...at nearly 27....

jellyhead

i'm 34 and i annoy my mum at times

great support already been posted on here so i was just going to add a hug from me, but then i noticed you'd posted your real name too. that's really brave and i've never seen it happen before. i've seen you on other threads and it's obvious how much you love your son. you're not a bad mum. i like reading your posts because aston sounds like such a darling and you love him to bits. you are really supportive to other MSE members too, you're a lovely person.

good luck with the course.

i know you aren't keen on antidepressants, although you sound exactly how my sister was before she tried prozac. could it be PMS though? would going on the pill help at all?

Mrs_pbradley936

Now that you feel a bit better and know that we will not all hate you for your honesty I want to say that sometimes I hate being a wife. I am outwardly happily married, have been for years, nice husband, nice family, nice home etc. etc. But sometimes I feel as if I am living in a cage, it’s a very nice cage and plenty live in far worse cages. At my age it is blamed on the hormones but I have felt like it for years and I know I am not alone because plenty of women say the same. One of the good things about getting older is that you grow in wisdom and do not pretend that all is rosy to your friends.

pickle

You say you were scared of your parents when you were growing up and I would say their own parents might have been scary to them. It is very hard I think to not slip into the role which you've (all of us) been taught from a young age. Sometimes if I'm carrying on I can hear my mother coming out of my mouth and I'm horrified as she was pretty intimidating to me when I was a child. It's just so instinctive, like a program which just switches on without me realising, although it's getting easier to recognise and stop. You may also have depression as it often comes out as anger and it may have even started as post-natal depression? You're not a bad mother just one who is struggling against a lifetime of being taught a certain way and now you're trying to over come it. It's not an easy feat to change overnight. Children just are irritating a lot of the time so don't expect to have the perfect response always.