Does your partners care about?

hot.chick

if monicas love language was gifts of service and you put the bins out to help lighten the load she would love you forever!!!

Just because you have your own money doesn't mean he shouldn't like to buy you things... this is how he shows his love.. because this is how he would like you to show your love for him...

once u get ur head round it - it will all become a lot clearer

x

amyb_2

This is so like my boyfriend – although I have finally given up trying to change him as we used to end up arguing.

I do all the shopping/cooking/cleaning/washing etc which I don’t mind - although we both work full time. I always make him a lunch box for work making an effort to buy ‘fun’ little additions for him –even when I am on really random shift patterns and don’t see him. I make sure I buy him his favourite sweets or tobacco so he doesn’t have to go out.

I don’t think he takes me for granted - its more he doesn’t really notice of particularly care. If didn’t make him a lunch box he’d just not bother and not eat anything or grab a pasty of takeaway. I do it because I like doing things to make him smile.

Numerous times I have tried to explain to him that I’d love him to show me how much he cares through trivial little actions, little presents, unprompted text messages, cup of coffee and biccies brought for me etc. But he really doesn’t understand why any of this is important.

He says he does do things for me – runs me to the train station when it’s raining if he’s around at weekends/evenings. Fixes things, and does all the ‘man’ type jobs. I do appreciate it and am grateful but part of me would much rather have an “I saw this and thought of you gesture”.

He just doesn’t expect/need lovey gestures and as such wouldn’t even dream of reciprocating them.

A prime example was ringing me and asking me to get a birthday card for his long-term ex – as she’d go mad if he didn’t. Which I did. A few months later he forgot to get one for me and didn’t understand when I got a bit upset. His answer was “it’s only a card – I’m here with you”.

Not malicious or uncaring – just on a whole different planet.

newcook

Amyb – that is shocking! Im actually sat here speechless!! If he asks you to do the same again next year get one that says ‘happy 40th’ or whatever big milestone is after her actual birthday!

tanmu

hot.chick wrote: »

my hubby is great with some things - and rubbish at others...

it seems like your 'love languages' are miss matched... you want to have little things like cups of tea or dinners being made, chores being done etc...

where as his way of showing love may be to buy you things like clothes and gifts.

This comes from a book - but this site will explain in better than I will be able to on here...

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Once you understand that he doesn't NOT do these things because he doesn't care - he just has a different way of expressing love you will feel less agreeved by it,maybe he should have a look too - because he truly will not understand why you are getting upset by these things, because as far as he is concerned he's doing the right things.

Let me know what you think of it - good luck

I have read this book a couple of times and it is amazing! I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to 'understand' their partner or themselves better. I am so sold on the concept that I am going to buy the 5 love languages of children too.....

amyb_2

newcook wrote: »

Amyb – that is shocking! Im actually sat here speechless!! If he asks you to do the same again next year get one that says ‘happy 40th’ or whatever big milestone is after her actual birthday!

But is it really that important?

I know he's rubbish buying cards and stuff i normally get everything for him (mothers day/daughters birthdays) as too him cards don't mean anything.

He has to have a good relationship with his ex as its easier than having a acrimnonious one surely. I bought her a xmas gift from him asd he was going over there as felt he couldn't not take anything. He wasn't bothered in the slightest.

I just used it as an example of who he doesn't do things because he doesn't care he just really doesn't understand why presents/cards are important. They are important to me which is why i always buy he stuff even though he doesn't give a monkeys.

newcook

I said it was shocking as it read to me that he remembered ex’s birthday as he called you to get a card - but he forgot yours!

amyb_2

newcook wrote: »

I said it was shocking as it read to me that he remembered ex’s birthday as he called you to get a card - but he forgot yours!

He remembered my birthday just didn't get me anything.

I think he was reminded of his ex's birthday by his daughter last minute....

But yeah i agree with you. But he was with her at 13 years or so we are only just coming up to three years together..

hot.chick

I have to say - love languages or not - my husband would NEVER not mark my birthday with a gift or meal etc...

it may mean nothing to him - but he knows I would be devestated

he does however forget to do the bins - and it drives me NUTS!!! I even remind him... he does know that to me not doing the bins means he doesn't care about our home and therefore our lives together... but to him - it's just the bins )

LilacPixie

my DH loks after me reasonably well TBH. I do not keep in the best of health so sometimes 100% of the cooking and cleaning is down to him. It's our anniversary soon and god knows what we will do, we usually go to a seafood restraunt but i'm pregnant and can't have my usual sword or shark so this year we will be doing something different just not sure what.

amalis

I think there should be some groud rules irrespectively of love languages, ie. my birthday is important for me- so he can never forget, for him our wedding anniversary is important- so I know it will be a problem if I will forget. But , unfortunately, exactly the small things are creating arguments at home (eg. bins, coffee and etc.). I mean those which are repeating every day.