Does your partners care about?

amalis

:(Just a though about how your partner is caring about you. For the last few days I had to stay at some friend’s place due to having a small refurbishment project at home. This friends was so attentive to me, he was bringing me coffee in bed, making simple ,but very beautifully served breakfast and really I felt like a princess. I know that I was his guest and he was trying to make me comfortable, but I know that he was doing the same for his partner. I am very upset now because my OH never does that! He can’t even make coffee for me, even though we have a coffee machine! Fair enough, he was making for me sandwiches a couple of times during last year, but 99% it’s me who is bringing him coffee, making breakfast and all the housework. From the other side, he always suggest having take aways if I don’t feel like cooking, but it is usually pizza or burgers ,which I hate. I tried to talk to my OH,but he can’t understand why I am not happy- my wardrobe is full of designer clothes, we have a beautiful house… but damn, I need all this small signs of love and care. Does your partners care about?

belfastgirl23

Well I guess this is another mars/venus thing again. I would have to say no, my DH doesn't always express his caring in ways that I would like. And often I have to 'prompt' him over things as well. EG he will bring me tea in bed but mostly only if I ask. BUT he's incredibly generous in so many ways that I kind of feel it's important to step back and look at the bigger picture. No one is perfect after all.

*Louise*

Mine is pretty good - he usually makes me a cuppa at some point every night (without being asked) and he will do little things for me, including sending random texts with nice stuff in them Not bad after 13 years - he does try and spoil me as well, but I have to be MSE about that and stop him :rotfl:(although I REALLY wanted that new laptop he suggested last week, I was good and said no!):o

I think some people get in the habit of doing everything for a partner and once the pattern is set, the partner is quite happy to just let things carry on with no effort on their part. I think if somethign is bothering you then it's always best to bring it up and discuss it calmly and state why you are unhappy and what you would like to change.

And stop doing ALL the fetching and carrying if nothing is reciprocated , or he will never change

January20

Well, you give him a taste of his own medicine: no more coffee, or breakfast made for him. He can make his own can't he? Might make him appreciate what you do for him. Simple!

ETA: when you're having a take-away, what stops you from him having what he wants and yo what you want ie not pizza or burgers?

hot.chick

my hubby is great with some things - and rubbish at others...

it seems like your 'love languages' are miss matched... you want to have little things like cups of tea or dinners being made, chores being done etc...

where as his way of showing love may be to buy you things like clothes and gifts.

This comes from a book - but this site will explain in better than I will be able to on here...

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Once you understand that he doesn't NOT do these things because he doesn't care - he just has a different way of expressing love you will feel less agreeved by it,maybe he should have a look too - because he truly will not understand why you are getting upset by these things, because as far as he is concerned he's doing the right things.

Let me know what you think of it - good luck

amalis

Louise, that is exactly our problem - he is used to me doing everything. Sometimes I feel like I am a maid, really. Yes, he is generous and is earning more than I do, but I am not a SAHM. I a, working in extremely demanding and stressful job, I just earn a bit less then he does.
I had a real shock on weekend when one of the builders asked for a tea and I could not make it because I was stuck in the corner trapped by a piece of furniture. :-) My OH went to make a cuppa and... he didn' know where is the tea (which he is drinking every evening) and how many spoons of sugar should go in his own tea!!! It was ridiculos!

amalis

January20 wrote: »

ETA: when you're having a take-away, what stops you from him having what he wants and yo what you want ie not pizza or burgers?

MS :-)

The problem is that he knows that even if I refuse to make breakfast for him, I will ne cooking for myself anyway.

warehouse

The guy you're staying with needs to man up and stop being such a wuss. Plus we all know he's only trying to get you into bed !

amalis

warehouse wrote: »

The guy you're staying with needs to man up and stop being such a wuss. Plus we all know he's only trying to get you into bed !

I know ;-)
But I married him 8 years ago, so there is no way back

newcook

amalis wrote: »

MS :-)

The problem is that he knows that even if I refuse to make breakfast for him, I will ne cooking for myself anyway.

so either dont cook for him (even if you are doing your own) or ask him before you get up 'what you cooking me for breakfast love'?!?

or when he gets up from his chair/sofa say 'stick the kettle on while you're up - oh and no sugar in mine thanks'

amalis

hot.chick- the book makes sense. I looked briefly, but seems like we do have different languages. Is there any advice how to change his language? or only acceptance?