Does your partners care about?

amalis

newcook wrote: »

so either dont cook for him (even if you are doing your own) or ask him before you get up 'what you cooking me for breakfast love'?!?

or when he gets up from his chair/sofa say 'stick the kettle on while you're up - oh and no sugar in mine thanks'

i will try that! but I know his answer will be " i don't know how to cook"

January20

amalis wrote: »

MS :-)

The problem is that he knows that even if I refuse to make breakfast for him, I will ne cooking for myself anyway.

So? just tell him you're tired of being taken for granted, and if he wants breakfast he can make his own.

Or, say nothing and carry on as you are. You married him 8 years ago and only discovered a problem because of your friend looking after you so well anyway so...

January20

amalis wrote: »

i will try that! but I know his answer will be " i don't know how to cook"

And your answer should be that he can always learn... or you could buy him a simple cook book.
In this day and age every body should be able to do basic cooking for themselves, whether they are men or women. That is a poor excuse!

Anyway, do you cook a 3 course meal or something like that for breakfast?

amalis

January20 wrote: »

Or, say nothing and carry on as you are. You married him 8 years ago and only discovered a problem because of your friend looking after you so well anyway so...

that is not exactly true. I was feeling this problem since the very beginning of our relations, but somehow I convinced myself that a) that is how married people live (being a child of a single mother I never had an example of family relations), b) he is good in many other ways.
Being at my frinds home just make me see clear that I really need this little thigs and most probably the way we live is far from being normal.

hot.chick

lol... it's interesting that you ask how to change his - rather than think of changing yours???

I'm not sure they can be changed - but defo appreciated

The way you both do things neither is wrong - just different.

advise reading the book, maybe at a library, I don't think your partner should be punished with no cooking or no cups of tea, but if you can be open to the suggestion that he showslove in different ways - then maybe he would be open to this idea too and see things from your perspective aswellas you appreciating his.

Hope this makes sense?

amalis

hot.chik, I am thinking of changing his because.... well because his "gift language" means nothing to me- I am working and can buy clothes and a bit of luxury myself. It is same as showing love to Monica (from Friends) by helping her clean the flat. It just does not work! lol

amalis

hot.chick wrote: »

lol... it's interesting that you ask how to change his - rather than think of changing yours???

lol, I just remembered that he always says that I dont love him because I never buy him gifts. And I am like "wt ***, I am slaving for you 24/7 and you dont think I love u". LOL

newcook

amalis wrote: »

i will try that! but I know his answer will be " i don't know how to cook"

start him off with some thing simple like toast (cant go too wrong if you have a toaster ) then build up to a tin of beans in a dish in the microwave and go from there!!!
dont forget to point out to him its not what he cooks for you its the fact he's making an effort!!

hot.chick

lol....I hope you can see that you both love each other -

This is half the battle to a happy marriage... People show there love for someone in the way they would like to have it shown to them - and your statment above is a CLASSIC!!!

As his gift language means nothing to you - your cleaning and cooking lanuage means nothing to him... neither is wrong, they are just different...

read the book - it will be like a new day for you - good luck x

January20

amalis wrote: »

hot.chik, I am thinking of changing his because.... well because his "gift language" means nothing to me- I am working and can buy clothes and a bit of luxury myself. It is same as showing love to Monica (from Friends) by helping her clean the flat. It just does not work! lol

I love you analogy with Monica

I think you two need to sit down and have a very long chat about it.