Money Moral Dilemma: How much board should I charge?

lorena

I have just moved back in with my mum and dad after uni and I have just got a part time job to get some money coming in until I can find a graduate job. My parents have said that I don't have to pay them anything, I always try and give them money for things and they refuse. I am not ungrateful and I do help out around the house. Like I said, I have offered them money but they won't take it. I don't think its worth arguing over £10 unless money is that tight that you really need it.

manic_cow

Cerisa wrote: »

She wouldn't be able to negotiate with a landlord so don't let her negotiate with you. I cannot believe she thinks £10 is worth arguing over.

£10 is probably a lot to the daughter, but probably not all that much to the parents. I think the people suggesting higher than £30 or kicking her out are being too tough, like others have said she's got other costs to cover and isn't used to doing that yet. I used to pay my mum £30 a week and it felt like a lot to me at the time and I begrudged it. My way of thinking was that she could afford the bills before and gave me £5 a week allowance, she'd lost £15 ish child benefit when I'd left college so therefore was £10 down. I was obviously happy to cover that but didn't see why she'd want to make a £20 profit to spend on herself (which is how I saw it at the time and it wasn't completely inaccurate) rather than allowing me to save that money for a house of my own. Mums and teenage daughters have enough tension without having to argue about money as well! I'm not saying my way of thinking was necessarily right, but it's how I felt when I was 18 and had just started earning.

The girl is young. Let her have some fun, do you really want her looking back on this time and thinking about how stingy her parents were? Discuss money with her and make her aware of how much things cost and ease her in gently. If you charge her too much she'll just end up getting credit cards to buy what she wants anyway I reckon and will have learnt nothing! Why not compromise on £25 a week for now with an agreement to charge £30 a week after xmas or something?

awehla

I used to pay £40 a month when I was 18 (1999/2000) and I earned £325 a month so looking back I hardly paid anything. The money was to cover food and bills and I had to buy my own luxuries including any special food I wanted and I helped with the housework as my parents both worked and I have a younger sister who was 15 then. I didn't mind paying my Mum that as I had loads left over I never spent until I got a boyfriend (and a social life) and the money soon disappeared. Anyway it was only for a year and I left home at 19 to go to uni and then later live with my boyfriend.

My sister on the other hand didn't leave home to go to uni till she was 23 and before that had two periods of unemployment and my Mum had to threaten to kick out her out twice so she would get a job. After that she did an access to uni course (her A level results weren't great) and got into Sussex uni one of the top 20 uni's in the country. She is still a student and has two part time jobs and her own little studio flat in Brighton. She used to moan a lot about paying Mum any kind of board and they would have arguments about it but Mum persevered and now my sister is better off for it. Some young people just take longer than others to learn about money and being independent which means it's even more important to be firm.

£30 a week is good and your partners daughter should pay that and be happy she has so much money to spend on herself. Maybe she could save up for driving lessons/a car or her own place with that money.

One fun idea would be to give her a mock eviction notice for not paying her full amount of rent and then have a discussion about how much things cost in the real world. Hopefully after that she'll be grateful.

Personally I was quite happy to leave home and would hate to have to move back.

jubarnes26

I paid £30 a week 24 years ago, and as far as I know my stepbrother who still lives at home still pays this.

Yes it's family but a parents job is to teach it's kids all sorts of lessons and this girl won't benefit from having an easy ride. Sorry op but I can't believe her gym was paid for - that is a luxury.

It's not about "taking money off kids" it's about teaching them financial responsibility probably one of the best lessons you can teach them and even more important now than ever with a "I want it now" attitude the world seems to be in.

The op isnt causing a rift over the additional £10, the daughter is with her immature and selfish attitude - I can't believe that she has taken £30 off you a week plus had other things paid for and is now quibbling over it.

If my kids go to uni then yes I will help them out as much as I can but most probably in the way of food parcels rather than cash. Then when they are working I will expect 1/4 or 1/3 towards household bills - NOT to repay me for the love or gifts I have given them but because they need to learn that they can't just waste their wages, accommodation & bills have to be paid first. If I can save some of it and give it back as a deposit for a house I will but it will be a surprise & they should still be taking their own responsibility for saving.

Stick to your guns op - as most people have said on here £30 is cheap anyway.

GraciesGran

Our kids paid a quarter of their salary when they were working full time. When they moved out we returned some of the money in the form of help with the deposit when they took on mortgages, it was what my parents and my in-laws had done for me and my husband.

MDE

awehla wrote: »

One fun idea would be to give her a mock eviction notice for not paying her full amount of rent...

My god, that is so warped it's unreal! How could you even consider "mock evicting" a member of your family.

Why not flood the house because she left the bathroom tap dripping slightly- it's the same logic!

Andy_Davies

bargainbetty wrote: »

As soon as I found a full time job, I was asked to pay 25% of my income, via standing order no less, to the household pot. I was also expected to meet my own costs such as a mobile phone, transport, clothes etc, except for at Christmas and birthdays when I was allowed to request specific gift vouchers etc.

My fifteen year old daughter has always paid her own mobile costs and knows that if she still lives with us when she goes out to work, she will be expected to contribute to the costs of running the house.

If you just let kids stay at home because it's cheap and easy for them doesn't help them to learn the value and cost of real-life.

Andy

MDE

Andy_Davies wrote: »

If you just let kids stay at home because it's cheap and easy for them doesn't help them to learn the value and cost of real-life.

Andy

Agreed, but do you not feel that by paying phone and gym and clothes AND and allowance, some damage has already been done to perception of costs and the OP now seems to be doing a complete change from giving everything to giving nothing (in terms of what was being provided before) and taking something instead.

MDE

Just a thought, but the OP is asking for advice on a partners daughter, not her own daughter. I therefore assume some sort of step parent relationship here, does that seem correct?

Sometimes children (regardless of age) are not that accepting of step parents and i'm wondering if there may be other pressures and frictions here we are not fully aware of?

jubarnes26

MDE wrote: »

But then, so does the OP. Swings, roundabouts....

But then the op is arguing it for different reasons, they set a fair & reasonable amount where the girl still has £170 to spend on herself but she chose to create an issue over having an extra £10 to spend on herself.

And yes you could say it's not worth arguing about but so many things with kids are not worth arguing about but we do because we have to teach them responsibilty. Is it worth me having an argument with my kids about tidying their bedroom when I could do it myself in half the time - probably not but they need to learn.

Yes they could back down for a peaceful life but what is this teaching the daughter - that she just has to have a paddy & people will back down? as someone said earlier bills are not negotiable in real life. It's become a battle purely because the daughter is being selfish, the op should stand their ground, she'll soon get over it.