High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

debthelp100830

this woman katya is surely not my wife but thinks exactly like mine. dont know why this person is behaving as if she is- probably trying to make fun of my situation.

InaPickle

debthelp100830 wrote: »

this woman katya is surely not my wife but thinks exactly like mine. dont know why this person is behaving as if she is- probably trying to make fun of my situation.

Katya said that you had showed her this page. Have you shown your wife the page?

debthelp100830

no, i havent shown this to my wife. am just focussed on getting back to normal life.

as i have said, the advice here has genuinely helped me a lot. i just want to move on from here. am trying my best, a lot of things have been working. OH has tried to pick up fight a cpl of times on this expense-cutting, for eg she asked for yet another new dress for a job interview (less than a month after her last spree) which i plainly refused. went through a session of shouting in front of daughter which was a disaster in its own right but i have decided to stick to my guns. she can leave, she can shout- but am not relenting.

i give her a fixed £150/week now for the various expenses all-in including groceries, clothes, any eating out, travel, anything else. i know that kind of money is already on higher side for most people and for someone like my kind of debt but then thats the limit- i refuse to spend a single penny beyond this for anything apart from monthly bills and my own food and travel. she has no access to any cards. daughter has stopped nursery and joined local, public school. daughter's clothes or toy shopping is entirely my responsibility, that i managed at very low cost earlier this month while still getting good stuff for her (definitely several times cheaper than what my wife was getting for her, w.o any compromise on usefulness and quality)

have no longer got any pay loans. debt to credit card limit is down from 108% to more like 96-97% (still high but am not breaking my credit limit any more and saving on £12 mtly charge/card already). still got lot of debt that of course wont get cleared before 5 mths, but there seems hope in life.

InaPickle

Congratulations, debthelp, on the good and steady progress.

You are doing the right things, althought that doesn't necessarily make them any easier.

Take care and keep us posted.

suburbanwifey

debthelp100830 wrote: »

what is visa infinite?

can i pls request you to make some suggestions on my debt. i know i need to cut my expenses, but trust me the only way to do that is not reduce them by 500/mth but breaking my marriage and cutting them by 3k/mth. this is like a digital- and lets say i am not ready to lose my daughter or start to pay lawyers. i have promised myself to keep this discussion about money rather than relationship. if my wife and kid can stay with me only only as their status of wife and kid of someone who earns £8k/mth rather than someone who falls short by £0.5k/mth then thats something i have accepted.

one needs to be depressed for 23 hrs a day and have a kid who can light up their life for that 1 hr/day so much that they forget all their worries to know what i mean, else its impossible to put yourself in my shoe. i would have either given up this battle to fight on or given up on my marriage if not for her. have survived so far but admit its getting tougher. i need a consolidated loan, survive for 6 mths and then when in slightly better situation mentally and economically, take all these issues up and sort them out. bringing these issues up now means i get abuse and threat- so kindly understand before ridiculing someone

With all due respect and this is written with infinite amounts of kindness, I have read through all this thread and almost everyone who had replied has tried to help you - which is why you actually posted on this forum yes? Only a few people have shown mild shock/horror at some of the things you have said and I am pretty sure that they were not responding with the intention of ridiculing you. I feel you are using that comment "Please don't ridicule me" as a way of throwing back good advice and the effort the people who are responding are making. Maybe because its truths you don't want to hear?

I feel for you, I really do. Now that said, I am going to give you advice as well...and it is meant with the best of intentions.

1 - 3 people do not need to spend £900 a month on food, this is just ludicrous. Madonna shopping at Harrods maybe does, but she can afford it, you cannot at this moment in time. Even if you just half that budget, you'll still eat exceptionally well!

2 - If you wife does not work, you do not *need* to pay £1,300 a month for a nursery. You work long hours you say, your wife can easily take your child out of nursery and look after her herself (not sexist, realistic!)

3 - Sky can be cancelled. Freeview is still TV.

4 - £300 a month on clothes can be saved immediately. Stop buying non-essential clothes...your wife should have enough things to wear for at least 6 months in her closet and if she cannot survive without shopping for clothes for 6 months, well.....

You earn a good salary and you will make yourself ill if you don't sort this situation out! Cut out all those unnecessary expenses, rent a cheaper house (you could buy a beautiful house for what you are throwing away on rent every month, why not are you renting with your salary?)

Cash in some of those stocks, yes! you will lose a few pounds, BUT you will save thousands in interest...many people in bad debt lose everything...you don't need to to get out of this mess. Cash in the stocks, pay off ALL that debt and still change, then start again with investments. There is NO logic to savings when you have debt to the huge amount you have. Open your eyes and face reality.

I'm not sure what's going on with your marriage, but I will say this - a marriage based on manipulation, fear and control by either party is not either a marriage or a relationship. How you are coping with the stress of marriage problems, debts like you have and doing a job that must be stressful (you don't get paid 100K for nothing, unless you are a footballer lol and they get that a week don't they? hehe) I don't know.

But you can actually sort this mess out in a few hours...its quite easy and the solutions are just staring you in the face - you just need to make those decisions that we have all advised you to make. I hope you do....Good Luck

suburbanwifey

Wutang wrote: »

Can we sponsor this thread and see if we can prolong it maybe over 45 years? We need more capital letters, thousands more exclamation marks and the (bordering-on-schizophrenic) same message repeated 23,000,000 times. cheers

LMAO

Oh goodness me, I have tears in my eyes from laughter, that was good! caught me unawares that did LOL :rotfl:

:rotfl:

Errata

daughter has stopped nursery and joined local, public school.

As she's only three, I take it you mean nursery. You're very fortunate finding a place in a free nursery in London at very short notice and with a wife who can look after your child full time.

rbnrbn

The OP is mean't to be on 100k+ yet cant write or use grammar...this thread is surely a wind up.

chesky369

......The OP is mean't to be on 100k+ yet cant write or use grammar...

He's obviously a banker.

Errata

chesky369 wrote: »

......The OP is mean't to be on 100k+ yet cant write or use grammar...

He's obviously a banker.

I doubt even bankers can walk into a job paying c£115k pa gross after 2 years on the dole :rotfl: