High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

ILW

Katya1982 wrote: »

I think people here need to know there are two sides for every story.

I am not perfect but you know some of the people here are cruel and do not understand the situation. They should not try to comment if they do not know

You can not call me materialist, I had the chance to marry much richer men than my husband. I married for love. And I love my daughter.

Yes I spend on making me always beautiful to please my husband but what am I to do, am I to be humiliated because he finds a younger prettier girlfriend if I do not take care of myself?

And I have now sacrificed a lot of what I can spend. He showed me this thread and I listened to his opinions.

Thank you those of you who have tried to help without cruelty

Would you stick with him if he could not work and you had to live on a very reduced income?

Errata

She did, he was unemployed for 2 years and then walked into a job paying c£120k.

ILGPink

Ok so having read through the whole thread here are my opinions and I hope help.

Whilst I agree that every story has 2sides and we can not judge the wife based on what the OP has told us; however the reality is you BOTH have created this situation.

Why do you feel he will leave you? From what I can gather from the way your husband speaks of you he just wishes you would cut back for 6months so he can get you ALL back on the straight nd narrow. Several times your husband has said he wants to fight for your relationship, and he obviously adores your daughter which binds you both for the rest of your days (more than any piece of paper does!). I completely agree that you did marry a rich high earning man who would be a good provider and a good father; but what you fail to see is you still HAVE that man!! Yes he has debt which is worrying you both and putting a big pressure on your relationship but if you just cut back for 6months you will have the life you always wanted!. I dont mean to sound crule or sound as if I know it all but you married this man because you saw he was a good guy who would provide for you and as far as I can see he still wants to do that but you need to help him do this by admitting to yourself that you have to stop needing/wanting it all.

OP you are NOT faultless in this scenario by anymeans you should have had this conversation with your wife a long time ago and in my honest opinion should have taken the credit cards ect back when you were of work but thats by the by now ifs and buts only make the matter worse and im only telling you something im sure you already think and regret. I do however think like many people have said your a good guy who just had a bad time of it and didnt smell the coffee soon enough.

I think the advice you have been given so far on making own lunch ect is a good one and will help reduce your food bills also not using the nursery will again relieve some of the pressure on finances. how about you use some (£50 max) on treating you and your wife to a meal out and try to get back some of the spark that you once would have had (you dont need to spend a fortune to make each other smile and laugh x)

I hope that my opinion havent offended eithert of you in any way its all ment in the nicest possible way and I do hope you both get thru this next 6months and come out of it stronger and happier.

Anyhow good luck:A

Rednoseranter

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it (I stopped reading after page 5) but regards your daughters child-care, you could find out if your employer operates a child-care voucher scheme? Basically you buy child-care vouchers directly out of your salary before tax is paid and at 40% that could save you about £500 a month - situation stays the same, wife is happy and you get an extra £500 a month to pay of debt. Most employers run these schemes, most nurserys accept them and its money for nothing. Sorry should have added that its a HMRC thing - perfectly legal, sanctioned etc etc

Loanranger

Rednoseranter wrote: »

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it (I stopped reading after page 5) but regards your daughters child-care, you could find out if your employer operates a child-care voucher scheme? Basically you buy child-care vouchers directly out of your salary before tax is paid and at 40% that could save you about £500 a month - situation stays the same, wife is happy and you get an extra £500 a month to pay of debt. Most employers run these schemes, most nurserys accept them and its money for nothing. Sorry should have added that its a HMRC thing - perfectly legal, sanctioned etc etc

The wife is not working so the OP and, everyone on this thread, has questioned why their daughter is in a nursery.

I'm not certain that Katya is the OP's wife and not just a troll.
Perhaps we should wait until the guy comes back to confirm.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Kayta

The things that really got me was that your husband was spending £1240 on childcare when you didn't work and a further £900 per month on groceries:eek:, all of which seemed very unreasonable spending.


AMD

chesky369

......Yes I spend on making me always beautiful to please my husband but what am I to do, am I to be humiliated because he finds a younger prettier girlfriend if I do not take care of myself?......

Is this really a likelihood? Seriously? It sounds to me that he's too stressed and too exhausted to go looking for a younger, prettier girlfriend. You are much more likely to lose him by spending his money on 'making me always beautiful'. He'd probably like you much better in last year's clothes and washing your own hair. It would show him you care more about him than being vain.

iamana1ias

Errata wrote: »

She did, he was unemployed for 2 years and then walked into a job paying c£120k.

The lifestyle didn't change during the unemployed years though, hence the debts

iamana1ias

Rednoseranter wrote: »

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it (I stopped reading after page 5) but regards your daughters child-care, you could find out if your employer operates a child-care voucher scheme? Basically you buy child-care vouchers directly out of your salary before tax is paid and at 40% that could save you about £500 a month - situation stays the same, wife is happy and you get an extra £500 a month to pay of debt. Most employers run these schemes, most nurserys accept them and its money for nothing. Sorry should have added that its a HMRC thing - perfectly legal, sanctioned etc etc

You should check your facts before posting.

The scheme allows a maximum of £243 of vouchers to be purchased by an individual per month. Yes, the OP would save 40% tax on that, but no-where near £500 per month!

This is also something that the current Government look sure to scrap

Errata

iamana1ias wrote: »

The lifestyle didn't change during the unemployed years though, hence the debts

Clearly not, which begs the question how could the OP walk into an extremely high paid job after 2 years unemployment and yet not have the brains to manage his domestic financial affairs.