High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

AMILLIONDOLLARS

When you're declared bankrupt, she'll walk anyway. Best to cut the ties now and save yourself, rather than hold onto a sinking ship. In the best interest of your daughter it seems to me that you'll need to either cut loose from this woman, or cut her spending. Cancel her cards, give her cash on a need to have basis. If that's not good enough for her tough! Stop being a victim and be a man.

AMD

ILW

AMILLIONDOLLARS wrote: »

When you're declared bankrupt, she'll walk anyway. Best to cut the ties now and save yourself, rather than hold onto a sinking ship. In the best interest of your daughter it seems to me that you'll need to either cut loose from this woman, or cut her spending. Cancel her cards, give her cash on a need to have basis. If that's not good enough for her tough! Stop being a victim and be a man.

AMD

Careful, when I said that (maybe in blunter terms) I got a severe telling off from some posters.

drizzlydays

Wow, I know we should be sticking to the issue of your debts but oh my goodness your wife sounds like a piece of work.

My advice? - your wife is your biggest debt right now!

I am a wife and I have the priviledge of being a stay at home mum right now thanks to my husband working hard like you do.

We have debts but a marriage to me means supporting my husband and helping him sort through our finances. Family are more important to me than lifestyle. My son will never be in day care as long as I'm at home. You need to tell her she needs to buck up her ideas or she'll lose the lifestyle she has regardless.

She may think nursery is good for your daughter but it is ridiculous to suggest that 6 months reduced time at nursery will have a lasting affect on her - not to mention the fact that she will lose her place at nursery for good if her dad goes bankrupt!

It doesn't have to be a massive row. Focus all of the time you are currently using to argue with your bank on negotiating with your wife. Write a letter to her perhaps and leave her to read it on her own so she can take in the facts. Basically put it to her that if she wants a decent future for herself and more importantly her daughter then it's irrelevant who is to blame for the debt what matters is how to get out of it and she needs to help with this.

If she cannot do that for a puny 6 months and will threaten you with your child over this then she will lose out eventually when your daughter realises her mum let her down!

Nara

I have to agree with other posters, seems that the reason you keep getting into more debt and can't pay off what you owe is because your wife is spending it all and refuses to cut down.

Your daughter is in nursery 10 hours a day, 5 days a week you say? now no offence to anyone who has to put their child in a nursery so both parents can work, but !!!!!!? I worked in a nursery like this once, where parents dropped their kids off at 7am and picked them up at 7pm only to take them home and straight to bed.
TBH it broke my heart seeing these little kiddies having to fend for themselves against the other children and the fact that the nursery workers aren't allowed to cuddle them or pretty much touch them if they got upset, you think that its good for your daughter to be in a nursery 10 hours a day? when she could be home with mum! Personally i just couldn't do this to my daughter esp if i was sitting on my !!!! doing nothing all day apart from spending money i didn't have!!

I don't know what to advise apart from to leave your marriage if your wife refuses to curb her spending, if you end up loosing everything it will be her fault anyway, doesn't she realise this?

I feel sorry for you i honestly do, but i have no answers she sounds like she doesn't want to hear what you have to say or cares about her family.

molerat

I am with Immoral_angeluk on this one. I wonder if she is just using the threat of taking your daughter away as a pawn in her game to keep up her lifestyle and if it came to the crunch she would just run away on her own. A single mother with no income would not suit her at all.

flashnazia

molerat wrote: »

I am with Immoral_angeluk on this one. I wonder if she is just using the threat of taking your daughter away as a pawn in her game to keep up her lifestyle and if it came to the crunch she would just run away on her own. A single mother with no income would not suit her at all.

Don't you think she will screw him for maintenance? Sounds likely.

MFWannabe

I think if your wife won't listen to reason and be a proper helpful wife then you need to lay it down in black and white; ie. This is how much money you are getting per week/ month. You can do the food shopping if you need to so that you can definitely spend less on this. You need to take off her any credit cards that she has so she can't carry on spending on them. Some peoplem may think this is being a bit strict and treating her like a child but if she won't listen to your pleas of having to cut back then this is what you will have to do. Otherwise i can't see how you are going to get through the next 5.5 months without getting deeper into trouble.
I think she threatens to take away your daughter as she knows that's what makes you 'back down' and upsets you. No one who really loved you would threaten this. Where would she go if she did leave you? she wouldn't be able to maintain this lifestyle.
Putting your child into child care every day when she's at home all day??!!! Using the excuse of looking for a job is unbelievable; plenty of people look for jobs while having to look after children etc.

The_White_Horse

debthelp100830 wrote: »

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned....................

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 7915
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 7915

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 1495
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 140
Electricity............................. 80
Gas..................................... 25
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 45
Mobile phone............................ 25
TV Licence.............................. 15
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 44
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 900
Clothing................................ 300
Petrol/diesel........................... 0
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 150
Childcare/nursery....................... 1240
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 30
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 30
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 4519


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 55000
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 55000

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Payday loans...................3200......3200......1500
Credit cards...................24000.....550.......20
Overdraft......................5500......80........20
Total unsecured debts..........32700.....3830......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 7,915
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 4,519
Available for debt repayments........... 3,396
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 3,830
Amount short for making debt repayments. -434

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 55,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -32,700
Net Assets.............................. 22,300

is this a joke?

I wouldn't waste my time even responding to this fool. clearly this is not the truth. either the debts must be far bigger or the salary far less.

why is their child care costs in a family of 2 adults, where one earns nothing? what do they do? sit around all day and still put the kid in day care??

what a crock.

katsu

Are you able to make your credit card payments this month? If so maybe you could not pay the payday loans, use the CC to buy food etc and then use the money you would have paid for food etc to pay towards the payday loan debt. This would help you shuffle the payday loans onto your CC effectively.

Think carefully about this first and check the implications of it but it is all I can think of right now.

chesky369

......any kind of normal talk is not possible with her, she just has to shout and abuse in front of daughter who just gets so traumatised ......

wait until your daughter is in bed, for god's sake.

I've been with this thread from the beginning and I realise you'd rather moan about things and blame your wife than actually DO something about the situation (other than borrowing more money which won't happen, so you can just blame your bank). Nothing is your fault!

Cut up her credit cards, refuse to pay for the nursery school - believe me, they won't let her over the doorstep, once the cheques cease flowing.

Give your wife a cash amount to spend on food and, when it's finished, don't give her any more. Close the joint bank account.

GROW A SPINE.