High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

gizmo111

You will be able to get a free half hour with a solicitor to discuss the situation.
Ask your wife how she will feel when she is living with very little income, in a very smaller house and has to actually look after your daughter full time. Roughly you will have to pay CSA £186 per week and she will be able to claim about £110 per week benefits and have rent on a 2 bed property paid and council tax. She will have to pay all bills from this and feed and clothe her daughter and if lucky will get 10 -12K cash on divorce setlement.
She may prefer to change her attitude to family life before she changes her lifestyle.
The suit she has borrowed from a freind for - remind her it is her responsibility to pay it back not yours.
Cut all her spending on any accounts in your name.
Please approach your bank to sort out the payday loans or sort an arrangement with them - offer them £600 per month freeing up around £2400 for you to deal with the rest of the finances.
You will get great support here www.ondivorce.co.uk
Don't worry too much about your child - they are very resiliant and with lots of love and security will overcome this horrible period.

dorisday

Do worry about your child ok the old saying children are resiliant is crap they appear to be resiliant because they seem to carry on as normal what else can they do?? comit suicide!!! they are only small children and like a computor their brains digest all information good and bad, but because their brain hasnt been around that long it doesnt understand why this or why that and hence they end up with emotional problems.
Just had a look at your soa and your financial problem lies with your payday loan you have down loan 3200 and monthly payments as 3200 with a interest rate of 1500, surely you can see if you paid this off in one month your problem would be solved. I dont understand payday loans so am a little in the dark here, but it doesnt seem right.

ViolaLass

Speaking as a child of parents who stayed together 'for the kids' and then divorced when I left home, it wasn't the divorce that was traumatic, it was growing up with parents who couldn't be civil to each other and who weren't a team. Doing this when you can't stand each other (as my parents couldn't) involves an incredible effort - personally, I wish they'd thrown in the towel years earlier, it would have been less stressful for me.

goingforward_3

dmg24 wrote: »

I am sorry to throw a spanner in the works, but the police will not remove her from the property unless she is committing an offence or causing danger to another person (or herself). The fact that her name is not on the tenancy is irrelevant.

The courts will always favour the mother in custody cases. As a single parent she would be able to claim IS and CTC (as well as housing benefits), and the govt deem this to be sufficient income to live off.

Not always... my friend (male) won custody of his two children (aged 2 and 7) although he works a 4 on 4 off shift pattern he had been the main carer for both .. mother was worse than useless.

And i do believe children are resiliant... and children in a happy 1 parent home are far happier than those in a 2 parent home with continuous arguing and shouting.

Kitten_Claws

Debthelp. You both need to talk about this while your little girl is elsewhere. it needs to be thrashed out or you are not going to be able to function. If your wife was more amenable the debt could be sorted very quickly, without too much hardship and without going further into debt. Would you agree?

Communication is key here. You both love your daughter and want the best and what is right for her. In order to do that you must iron out your differences at least for the next six months. Your little girl will no doubt be picking up the bad vibes, no matter how cleverly you try to disguise it. Kids aren't stupid. If you both sit down and discuss the financials like adults - you will ALL benefit. Rather than steamroller in and lay down the law about what she can spend- try 'asking' her for her co operation for the sake of your little girl at least.

I think in this situation, you might want to use some tact in order to get her to accept the way things are. Without you she is nowhere anyway - but you are going have to adopt an iron fist in a velvet glove strategy to get the message across. it's not something I like to readily admit, but women can be far more manipulative than men. i could if I wanted to, wrap my husband around my little finger. If you are clever, you can actually make her think it was her idea, to cut down on expenses in the first place. Needs must when the devil drives.;)

The longer this goes on, you will be filled with resentment and even more stressed out. You'll end up hating each other and that is the LAST thing your little girl would want.

BAILEYS6904

My dad got custody of me!!!! He was armed forces as well, so the job counte against him (as far as working was concerned).

And as a mother of a 5 year old son, I split with his father before DS was 2, same sort of situation as you, hated all the arguments in front of DS. I can honestly say, its turned out for the best. Me and ex get on great, he has DS before and after school so that I can work, I have DS evenings, nights and most weekends. We can happily attend parents evenings, birthday celebrations, xmas morning, ex comes to my house ready for DS to wake up for presents etc. DS is so happy, school reports state how settled and happy he is, how confident etc

HTH

kirstyjessen

Hi there,

I just thought would see if i can help you not much but it may help. I do not earn as much of you but I have been in more debt than yourself.

I was also in similar situation I was going to get some inheritance 8 months later and that would have meant that I could pay the whole amount meaning no debts.

I wrote to the companies or/and in some cases I called them where possible and made a payment agreement with them for over the 8 months meaning i only had to pay half the amount of repayments leaving me an extra £200 spare each month without having to cut any of my other spendings out.

I am not sure if this will be useful for you but it may be worth a try?

pm and let me know what you do and if you want more information let me know

immoral_angeluk

Just wondering how the OP is getting on?

tonyE1

Tried to read through most of the thread and can understand people's reaction but also sympathise a lot with your predicament. My wife is not from UK and we have a young son. She absolutely wont compromise on anything. Yesterday I was so ill from food poisoning that I couldn't get out of bed yet she proceeded to eat 3 meals without offering me anything - nice - but she can also be wonderful when she chooses to be (she has what is described as an extreme Mediterranean temperment) , so I can understand when you refer to you relationship in that its not something you want to tackle at the moment. Like you I have in the past earnt six figure sums and have been through debt problems. I am now in the position where I am having to live abroad to be with my son although it is in a beautiful place next to the sea and fortunately my new venture means I can work anywhere and generate a reasonable income.

I am a qualified accountant and although I can't give you details there are people/companies who will advance you money possibly with a second charge on your property, you just need to ask around - you are a reasonably safe risk although your rating is sunk and a non-mainstream lender would see that - just make sure you read all the small print before you sign anything.

I really hope everything gets sorted for you. I resign myself to the fact that MY marriage is unlikely to survive but I need to make sure I am making the right decision before I decide to pull the rug. Just remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Good luck.

BLT_2

dmg24 wrote: »

I am sorry to throw a spanner in the works, but the police will not remove her from the property unless she is committing an offence or causing danger to another person (or herself). The fact that her name is not on the tenancy is irrelevant.

The courts will always favour the mother in custody cases. As a single parent she would be able to claim IS and CTC (as well as housing benefits), and the govt deem this to be sufficient income to live off.

Added to which women always get 50% of the assets and 0% of any debts :-) Say goodbye to your stocks and shares if you go down that route, also say goodbye to a large % of your income.

I personally am of the belief that the snake in the garden of Eden was innocent, it was just a women trying to make sure she got more than her fair share of the pie as usual, and blaming some poor snake to cover up for herself.

Adam was probably off somewhere hiding because he was sick of her whining that next door had a bigger apple tree than them and what was he going do about it, while she watched prehistoric eastenders :-)