High income but deep deep in debt-any advice?

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Why are you paying for childcare, if your partner does not work???

AMD

bettyg41

How's things going now OP, hope you're getting somewhere
BettyXX

debthelp100830

thanks for all the help and advice. not getting anywhere
i dont think anyone can really help more- am just in a big mess and am just so tired of it now. i feel like completely giving up but it will hurt to do so given its matter of 5.5 months now- if i survive these, i know i will survive. i have made an impassioned appeal to my bank explaining honestly the whole situation but they would not care less.

i am trying to cut expenses. but there is only so much i can do. am just tired of begging my wife to consider our situation, after all its matter of a few months. and i have no energy to fight as thats what we ended up doing at weekend as any suggestion to cut leads to big rant about how i have messed up our lives. any kind of normal talk is not possible with her, she just has to shout and abuse in front of daughter who just gets so traumatised that the priority suddenly shifts from debt, finances to just saving her childhood. nursery is promised but i guess given her attitude, i will only believe when the sep-end actually arrives. i dont know how does one survive whole day doing absolutely nothing and still send ur daughter to nursery. may be 1/2 day is fine to learn some skills, interact with other days but to send her away for 10hrs/day for 5 days/week is just crazy.

my credit rating is going to become worse this month as so far i had never missed any bill or card payment but looks like have reached a dead end now and have my first missed payment unless a miracle happens this week.

sorry, for those suggesting i sell shares etc- i shd have made clear in SOA that i cannot sell stock till feb-end. if i get to feb-end, obviously will sell the stock, get rid of all debt and can start a new life with decent salary. can shift the focus then to core issue of saving my daughter- even if i have to pay some one-off or maintenance, its ok then. but for now- need to survive till feb-end but no end in sight.

i am not trying to borrow my way out of debt here for life. am trying to a) consolidate debt from payday type to cheaper- even credit card is much cheaper and b) trying to borrow my way for 5.5 mths just to survive. only if am alive and sane after 5.5 mths, it would matter what happens next.

isy1011

I have just read all this and you strike me as a nice guy trying desperately to plug holes in this dam that you are waiting to burst.

You are clearly absolutely worried sick and you sound like you need some help. I mean councelling not what to do about your grocery bill.

Your daughter loves you and that will remain but your wife is/ seems like a bl**** millstone around your neck. Although the lifestyle is hard for me to relate to as I have always been the main breadwinner. A marriage is a partnership. You are in it together or you are not a partnership.

You do have options for getting more available income to repay debts and that is what you must remember. I think your strategy of trying to consolidate to give yourself more disposable income to keep her sweet is not one you can sustain.

Anyway I wish you all the best. Take care of your health most of all.

immoral_angeluk

If it were me I would not wait for 6 months. I would kick the no good !!!!less wife out now and keep the daughter. My guess is the wife wouldn't even bother trying for custody!

Errata

i dont know how does one survive whole day doing absolutely nothing and still send ur daughter to nursery. may be 1/2 day is fine to learn some skills, interact with other days but to send her away for 10hrs/day for 5 days/week is just crazy.

I have no idea, but you should know. You've been with your OH for 4 years and didn't work for 2 of those (and presumably spend a fair amount of time at home), so if you can't figure out your wife by now I suspect you never will.

tobiascurious

ILW wrote: »

There are many that do. Just look at the TV.

OK, you mean things like Footballers' Wives?

I hope that she can somehow learn that expressing her love to her daughter and husband is more fulfilling than buying clothes or whatever.

And I believe that the wife saw more than money in the OP, and the OP didn't marry her just for her looks or elegance.

jw2003

Apologies, am typing from page 3 or 4 so this has probably been covered

Maybe you and your wife could review the childcare arrangement and have your daughter at her nursery, say, 2 days a week. Up here that costs £262 pcm. 2 complete days a week gives your wife adequate time to complete applications, visit the job centre, go for a walk... whatever

debthelp100830 wrote: »

...I have already spoken to her about nursery ... she claims that she is looking for job and if she doesnt go to nursery, she cannot.

ho_hum_3

BLT wrote: »

Added to which women always get 50% of the assets and 0% of any debts :-) Say goodbye to your stocks and shares if you go down that route, also say goodbye to a large % of your income.

I personally am of the belief that the snake in the garden of Eden was innocent, it was just a women trying to make sure she got more than her fair share of the pie as usual, and blaming some poor snake to cover up for herself.

Adam was probably off somewhere hiding because he was sick of her whining that next door had a bigger apple tree than them and what was he going do about it, while she watched prehistoric eastenders :-)

I don't know where you get your information from but it seems to be woefully innacurate to me... seeing as I am female, I have worked very hard and have paid all the mortgage and most of the bills - but still apparently 50% of the house belongs to my ex... doesn't matter who contributed what apparently.

All I can say is that some women are clearly far better at ensuring someone looks after them than I ever will be. But then, I am an independent and self-reliant person, and I can't be any different.

However, hearing such a load of sexist rubbish from people such as you such as yourself really is galling.

forever.insane

Seriously dude, it sounds like your wife couldn't care less about you or getting a job. Make her look after the kid or kick her out.

To apply for most places now, its all done online now anyway. She seriously has no excuse - and no heart.