How do you know when your family is complete?

gratefulforhelp_2

jcr16 wrote: »

we lost our first baby

So sorry to hear that.

OP I went through similar recently, should we shouldn't we. For me I wasn't sure if I was just being selfish, already having two, but I got pg then miscarried. spent a while wondering if that was a sign, but have gone on to get pg again with no.3. Feel sure that this one will be last (God willing it arrives safely).

You have already thought about cost of transport and holidays, getting into theme parks, that kind of thing.

Don't take any notice of people offering you the comments such as "You can't have three, because if you have three you'll have to have four" nonsense.

Good luck.

msb5262

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Don't take any notice of people offering you the comments such as "You can't have three, because if you have three you'll have to have four" nonsense.

Good luck.

I had so many people saying, "You can't have three," after I'd had no. 3!

I replied politely, "Just watch me!" and I have still got just the three.

Ironically my ex, who was keen from the outset to have three, now has another child with his new wife and will no doubt go on to have another, so clearly he "can't have three"!!

I think you know when your family's complete. I do still have the odd moment of thinking, I'd love to have another baby or two but to be honest, it would be so unfair on the children I've got.
Also my career is just starting to recover from the impact of their infancy and early childhood, so I'd be mad to throw it all away now.

MsB

PS. Glad to see you gratefulforhelp - I was one of the people panicking when you vanished...very pleased that everything's ok.

dontknowwhat2doanymore

I always said I wanted a girl, if I had a girl first then that would be it, if I had a boy I would have 1 more. My first was a girl, and within 2 weeks I told my mum I wanted another and we would start trying when DD was 6 months old, however fate had other plans and after 6 weeks I was pregnant with DS1. I had bad pnd and thought I would never want anymore children, however we then decided to have just 1 more and along came DS2. DS2 is nearly 4 and last year myself and ex (during his reasonable time) discussed options as I am starting uni in 3 weeks and felt that our family was complete, ex had the snip done. Even though I could still have children if I wanted to I know I dont want anymore. Every now and again I get that feeling when you look at a baby and think aww, but then I remember that my children are getting older and my life is getting easier. If I want to go out I can get a babysitter no problem, if I want to nip to the shops I dont have to drag half the house with me!! The number of children you have is individual, and as long as a child is loved and wanted they dont need all the materialistic things that society expects us to have.

Jo_R_2

I have been wondering this recently too!

I have two DDs aged 6 and 4 with my ex, DS aged 1 and another on the way soon with my OH. I always knew I wanted two, maybe 3, but tbh 4 was never an option I'd seriously considered!

I know for sure things would be a whole lot different if my relationships had worked out differently, but I knew OH wanted two children, we happily had DS then this one was a "if it happens it happens" - and it did and so we have another DS on the way.

I have been talking with OH about taking "permanent measures" once this one has been born. If it were purely a romantic decision I could see myself with dozens (!) of LOs around mine and OH's feet... but as life is not just like that, practically we're going to be stretched financially as it is (if we weren't already!), both the younger ones will be sharing a small room until we can afford to move to somewhere bigger, and being a SAHM for a while, I want to get back into study then work which is something I was going to do sooner but babies somehow got in the way:D

I am very happy however to have two girls, two boys - me and my sis were two girls together, OH and his bro were two boys together, and both my DDs dote on their brother. Quite possibly has something to do with my mum being one of eight, even now with her family beings spread out all over the world, we're all close and I love having a house full of children and 'extended' relatives when that happens.

My instinct tells me now though the "permanent measures" might have to be resorted to - OH wasn't keen on getting snipped until I pointed out it's a bigger op for a woman and he could take time off work to do what I do every day and look after me:D - all of a sudden now he's happy to look into getting it done!

gratefulforhelp_2

msb5262 wrote: »

I had so many people saying, "You can't have three," after I'd had no. 3!
I replied politely, "Just watch me!" and I have still got just the three.

I'm going to say that to my Ma when she starts!!


PS. Glad to see you gratefulforhelp - I was one of the people panicking when you vanished...very pleased that everything's ok.

Bless you, thanks.

jo LOL at permanent measures, DH is going for those too!!

LJM

i lost my first also but i do wonder that if i hadnt would i still have had the most gorgeous 2 girls that i have now,ill never forget my first and my family will never feel complete because of my loss,yet as i said we have 2 girls i would like more but oh is bit more sensible than me we have a good life yet i would have liked another girl though but my sister just found out she is having a girl so i will just have to spoil her rotten lol

kittiej

I wouldn't have any more. I feel too old and too poor lol.

The thought of having to go to the nursery and back twice a day as well as working and then having to pay for nursery fees puts me off.

jcr16

Thankyou grateful for help. if we hadn't of lost our first she would of been 7 this spring. she won't ever be forgotten. she is our angel in the sky.

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Don't take any notice of people offering you the comments such as "You can't have three, because if you have three you'll have to have four" nonsense.

Good luck.

oh these comments really did my head in at first.many feel the need they have to comment just to say something. sadly it is mainly other mums that come out with the most hurtful saying's. i think perhaps it is a bit on envy. i'm the type of person who it doesn't really bother me what others do or think. even if i think it not a good idea i will be happy for them.and won't pass any negative comment becuase it not my place to try to dampen there happiness.but then i am a very happy easy going person.

when our youngest was born our eldest was 4. and i got comments like oh don't you have a tv. your little one are close. trying to cram them all in. do you miss having a baby thats why your keeping on having them. you can't have 3. your have 3rd child syndrome , if you have 3 thats on odd number you can't do that. are you trying for a football team.

i often think What does it matter really how many children we have or want. hubby has a good job he provides for us, i'm a sahm, our children have a wonderful life, have a great house ( although in an awful area sadly) we are comfortable. we have our children because we want them, and were lucky enough to be able to.

onlyroz

There are moments of madness when I think I'd like another, but then sanity kicks in...

gratefulforhelp_2

jcr16 wrote: »

i often think What does it matter really how many children we have or want. hubby has a good job he provides for us, i'm a sahm, our children have a wonderful life, have a great house ( although in an awful area sadly) we are comfortable. we have our children because we want them, and were lucky enough to be able to.

Its amazing how often (generally rather dim) people feel they have to comment on your personal life.

When I fell pregnant last time, MIL's first comment on being told wasn't "how wonderful another grandchild" but "was it planned?"
...happily married couple, not reliant on state for income have third baby....big shocker!