Dirty's hoping it's not too late to mend her ways......

dirtyepic

Okay diary, another chapter of my life beginning and diary entry to start the new year.

The whole of the Christmas holidays has been very emotional for me in so many ways.

- I haven't seen my niece and nephew because of the difficulties between myself and my sister. It would've been great to see the kids only I am still not ready to put up with the nastiness and uncomfortable situations that arise when my sister is around.

- I miss my mam so much this time of year. She lived for Christmas every year, she was a devout Catholic and celebrated Christmas for the correct reasons but she also loved decorating the house, giving gifts to people and welcoming friends and family into our home this time of year. So I try to do things exactly the way she would do it (apart from Church) and find great pleasure and comfort in doing so. We have had a couple of get togethers over the holidays and had great fun every time. Christmas Eve was so very special. We make Mam's soup and loads of pals come over, its never a late night but everyone gets fed, watered and entertained!! This year we had 'real' carol singers visit our house and we all stood outside, with our coats on, in our little front garden, ankle deep in snow and sang carols!! It was so moving, seeing all my friends singing, some brought their children along, some brought their parents along. If you actually knew my friends - party animals, musicians, clubbers, festival goers you would never have pictured them on Christmas Eve (blimey I have got tears in my eyes thinking about it again!) singing in the snow! We had a collection and I was told last night that our donations surpassed all other donations that night so I am so proud of my pals as well!! It looks like this will be a permanent addition to our Christmas Eve get togethers!!

- Friends upsetting or disappointing me. Oh well, you win some you lose some!

- My 50 day challenge ended just before Christmas and I am yet to fully evaluate my success rate. I was very successful on a number of issues and some of them I had reassessed during the challenge and realised that I didn't want or need to do them. It has stirred a lot of thoughts and I think I am ready to crack on with the personal challenge.

- I am still attempting to do something every day, to help someone else, in any way I can, for 15 minutes a day but I think over the holidays I have managed to sleep so much that this hasn't been as successful as usual.

- DIY SOS involving Mike aka Lisawaters from the debt free diaries was extremely moving and totally uplifting and great to see the faces behind the names on the threads

Now for my big news.

The most important thing that has happened to me. Now stay with me, it's a bit of a tale!

Almost 16 years ago, my mam died of a brain haemorrhage following a ruptured aneurysm, aged 56, and just before she died she told us that her dad had died aged 55 of a brain haemorrhage also.

Myself and my two sisters were concerned that this could now be hereditary and were all given an angiogram to see if we also had an aneurysm. It transpired that I did and the other two were okay. This was all during my degree course and I was okay to finish my degree and then I was able to start my new life and my new career in London. My employers were very sympathetic and helpful when I was due to go back into hospital back in Newcastle to have surgery to have the aneurysm removed. I was admitted to hospital and was sitting on my bed, with my plastic ID bracelet, had my bloods taken and was visited by my consultant. He told me I had two choices: I could have the aneurysm removed, as previously discussed but I had to consider the serious risks associated with this brain operation. The second choice was to be admitted to hospital every two years to have another angiogram to monitor if 'my bubble in my brain' (my words not his!!) increased in size at all. Obviously I opted for the regular monitoring of the issue and was allowed to go home!! This was in 1997.

I moved back home to the North East during 1998 and since then I have had to tell all of my employees of this medical condition, I have had issues with certain life insurance, mortgage applications due to this. I had to come off the pill and also I would be so stressed about each angiogram I had to have. It's an amazingly clever but uncomfortable form of xray/testing. A very small incision was cut into my main artery in my groin and very small tube is then fed to the base of my brain, a contrast medium is then fed to my brain to allow the xray to be taken. I then had to lie flat for around 6 hours to allow the artery to 'clot' and to allow the healing process to take place. During the process I am fully awake and I have to be aware that my chances of suffering a stroke are increased. I have had this every few years and my most recent test, July 2010, I thought I was having a stroke and was very frightened. Thankfully I was okay and received my results in October.

The letter informed me that there was no abnormality and that the consultant didn't think I should return for any further testing.

I wasn't particular happy about this so requested a more detailed explanation.

On December 28th I received a reply stating that I do not actually have the aneurysm. I have never had the aneurysm and that it was due to advances in the technology used that this has been detected.

I am obviously absolutely over the moon about this whole situation. I feel I have been given the news of a real life Christmas Miracle and it's my own miracle!! I feel like I am almost in perfect health which is an amazing thing to be able to say.

I am slightly angry about the content of the letter I received but I think I am okay to leave it as it is. It a massive chance I have been given to get on with my life and not worry any more that I might actually be popping my clogs in my mid 50s (which is only 13 years away).

So these holidays for me, have been extremely eventful!! Let's hope this is the shape of things to come over the next few months. Should we put an extra line on the lottery???!!!

So, until I can come up with some new lists I am off to smile a bit more!!!

Happy New Year everyone.

T

jwil

Wow, what a relief that must have been for both you and your family, that is fantastic news! :j

Here's to a great 2011! :beer:

beanielou

jwil wrote: »

Wow, what a relief that must have been for both you and your family, that is fantastic news! :j

Here's to a great 2011! :beer:

From me too

little_h_2

dirtyepic, that is SUCH fantastic news! I bet there are a lot of strong emotions that go with it too so I hope you are able to focus on the positive ones

I hope it will literally give you a new lease of life, and help you with your taking stock.

re your OH - he may be hurt and even a little angry, but this will pass. but I don't think he will be disappointed for any other reason than that you couldn't tell him, I doubt he will be disappointed in you as a person if that makes sense. I don't know him of course but I do have a little personal experience in this area so excuse the bias!

Lots of sleep over the holidays sounds like a wonderful thing - i am a firm believer that it's one of the best things you can do when things are a bit overwhelming.

happy, happiest of new years :j

dirtyepic

little_h wrote: »

dirtyepic, that is SUCH fantastic news! I bet there are a lot of strong emotions that go with it too so I hope you are able to focus on the positive ones

I hope it will literally give you a new lease of life, and help you with your taking stock.

re your OH - he may be hurt and even a little angry, but this will pass. but I don't think he will be disappointed for any other reason than that you couldn't tell him, I doubt he will be disappointed in you as a person if that makes sense. I don't know him of course but I do have a little personal experience in this area so excuse the bias!

Lots of sleep over the holidays sounds like a wonderful thing - i am a firm believer that it's one of the best things you can do when things are a bit overwhelming.

happy, happiest of new years :j

Such sensible words. Sometimes when your head is in dozens of different places all at the same time, friendly advice that has been written down makes such a difference.

Funnily enough though, last night when trying to prepare myself for work i couldn't sleep!! Of all of the nights when I just couldn't drop off it had to be last night. Feeling a bit shattered now though and listening to my boss droning on about an issue with shower unit in another office, is kind of making me drift off!!! So really looking forward to my bed tonight!

How's your debt busting going? Do you think you are managing to crack it?

I just get scared of looking at the bank so now I am back at work and things are stabilising a bit more I will be checking every day.

I am still very happy and very relieved about my great news and probably won't get over it for a long time yet!

Cheers
T
x

dirtyepic

When I am at work I usually draft my diary in word or my email software and add to it throughout the day before copying into my debt free diary thread. I originally wrote this entry on 16.12.10 and have just found it when I have returned to work.

Was thinking about not copying it over to my debt-free diary but then though that I should because I mention the day I went to London and had a unexpectedly great time!! I was so excited about the British Library and I want to have a permanent reminder of exactly how I felt on my return!

So here it is, a bit of a retrospective insert but a canny positive one!

Actually reading the second paragraph about "something different going to happen" is quite significant because a week or so following this piece of writing I received the news about my 'miraculous' return to near perfect health! Hahahahahahaha!!! (now that looked like the laugh of a mad woman!)


Dear diary ......

In a bit of a contented place just now and it's feeling weird, I am not quite comfortable with it. So used to me head doing a dozen things at the same time and used to getting annoyed with work and all the rubbish that's going on here but I am calm.

I dunno if something different is going to happen, it feels like something is imminent (and I am not talking about Christmas!!). This has happened in the past where I get the feeling of impending change but feel content with the situation.

Weird.

Anyhoo things that have happened this week:

- Worked from home all day Monday - bliss! I turned off from work at 7pm but didn't mind because I took regular breaks throughout the day and got sooooo much done!
- Went to my counselling session and felt, for once, that things really are beginning to change. Things are making sense and finding out why I might be like this makes a lot of difference to my frame of mind.
- Had some training sessions to deliver in our London office and had an hour or two to spare so went to the British Library and go sooooooo excited about what I saw! I originally wanted to see the Gutenberg Bible but then found out that the Lindisfarne Gospels were held there - I am from Jarrow where St Bede studied so the Gospels hold a bit of personal interest to me. So I stood in front of these beautiful works of art in massive cabinets in very dark surroundings and I was gobsmacked. Absolutely stunning. The bible that I looked at was 550 years old. 550 YEARS OLD!! Unbelievable. I must've stood there for 15 minutes just in awe! There was a bible that was found with the body of St Cuthbert when he was moved from Lindisfarne to his tomb in Durham Cathedral!! Lewis Carroll's notes and diary for his Alice stories! The Beatles original lyrics written on bits of paper and on a baby Birthday card for Julian Lennon, original Handell and Beethoven, Jane Austen, Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales, Captain Scott's Diary - written in pencil. Honestly I could go on and on. All of these items in one room in a building in London and it costs nothing to go and see them. It's now my favouritist place in the whole of London and I can't wait to go back.

- Returned to the office Wednesday to find that I had no room in my email inbox and had to individually save all my sent emails to my memory stick to make room. So I have successfully archived 2 months and still 100% full. This b****y place will not allow a bigger inbox even though, due to my job, I am not able to delete them! Aaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!

- Thursday AM still archiving emails. Doing one hour of archiving and then getting on with something else.

- My lovely Dad's birthday today. He is 76. We are taking him out for his tea tonight so leaving work a bit earlier cos he can't eat too late. But he can indulge in whiskey till whatever time he fancies!!!

Its now just after 4pm and I am wiped out. My back is beginning to ache so I am moving around a lot but it now hurts when I stand up as well which isn't a good thing. I can only think its from my train journey down to that London earlier this week.

I closed my eyes for a moment too long earlier then realised that the boss could see me if he popped his head above his monitor so that jarred me back into the land of the awake!

T x

jwil

dirtyepic wrote: »

When I am at work I usually draft my diary in word or my email software and add to it throughout the day before copying into my debt free diary thread. I originally wrote this entry on 16.12.10 and have just found it when I have returned to work.

Was thinking about not copying it over to my debt-free diary but then though that I should because I mention the day I went to London and had a unexpectedly great time!! I was so excited about the British Library and I want to have a permanent reminder of exactly how I felt on my return!

So here it is, a bit of a retrospective insert but a canny positive one!

Actually reading the second paragraph about "something different going to happen" is quite significant because a week or so following this piece of writing I received the news about my 'miraculous' return to near perfect health! Hahahahahahaha!!! (now that looked like the laugh of a mad woman!)


Dear diary ......

In a bit of a contented place just now and it's feeling weird, I am not quite comfortable with it. So used to me head doing a dozen things at the same time and used to getting annoyed with work and all the rubbish that's going on here but I am calm.

I dunno if something different is going to happen, it feels like something is imminent (and I am not talking about Christmas!!). This has happened in the past where I get the feeling of impending change but feel content with the situation.

Weird.

Anyhoo things that have happened this week:

- Worked from home all day Monday - bliss! I turned off from work at 7pm but didn't mind because I took regular breaks throughout the day and got sooooo much done!
- Went to my counselling session and felt, for once, that things really are beginning to change. Things are making sense and finding out why I might be like this makes a lot of difference to my frame of mind.
- Had some training sessions to deliver in our London office and had an hour or two to spare so went to the British Library and go sooooooo excited about what I saw! I originally wanted to see the Gutenberg Bible but then found out that the Lindisfarne Gospels were held there - I am from Jarrow where St Bede studied so the Gospels hold a bit of personal interest to me. So I stood in front of these beautiful works of art in massive cabinets in very dark surroundings and I was gobsmacked. Absolutely stunning. The bible that I looked at was 550 years old. 550 YEARS OLD!! Unbelievable. I must've stood there for 15 minutes just in awe! There was a bible that was found with the body of St Cuthbert when he was moved from Lindisfarne to his tomb in Durham Cathedral!! Lewis Carroll's notes and diary for his Alice stories! The Beatles original lyrics written on bits of paper and on a baby Birthday card for Julian Lennon, original Handell and Beethoven, Jane Austen, Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales, Captain Scott's Diary - written in pencil. Honestly I could go on and on. All of these items in one room in a building in London and it costs nothing to go and see them. It's now my favouritist place in the whole of London and I can't wait to go back.

- Returned to the office Wednesday to find that I had no room in my email inbox and had to individually save all my sent emails to my memory stick to make room. So I have successfully archived 2 months and still 100% full. This b****y place will not allow a bigger inbox even though, due to my job, I am not able to delete them! Aaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!

- Thursday AM still archiving emails. Doing one hour of archiving and then getting on with something else.

- My lovely Dad's birthday today. He is 76. We are taking him out for his tea tonight so leaving work a bit earlier cos he can't eat too late. But he can indulge in whiskey till whatever time he fancies!!!

Its now just after 4pm and I am wiped out. My back is beginning to ache so I am moving around a lot but it now hurts when I stand up as well which isn't a good thing. I can only think its from my train journey down to that London earlier this week.

I closed my eyes for a moment too long earlier then realised that the boss could see me if he popped his head above his monitor so that jarred me back into the land of the awake!

T x

That's a lovely post, and I've now added the British Library to places I want to go and see.

dirtyepic

Hi again diary,

Well day one back at work was as rubbish as ever but still have my spring in my step and my smile on my face following my tremendous news last week.

Got lots of things to look forward to and going to try and stay focussed on them instead of dwelling on the rubbish stuff.

I am currently chasing Baldy's final Christmas presents which were due to be delivered by Citilink from Amazon on 22 December and still no sign of them. Tracked them and it appears they have been received back at the depot on 3 Jan. Oh dear. Now that's not good due to we have had no notification of attempted delivery. To tell you the truth the awful 'hold' music is giving me a headache. It's classical piano, the kind of which I have never heard before. It's very dramatic and making me a bit tetchy. I have been put on hold 3 times now and for a total of 17 minutes and daren't put the phone down!!

So after a eventful, emotional but fantastic Christmas and New Year Holiday I was given notification of the public holidays for the next 18 months or so. We are been allowed the Royal Wedding as a holiday. Yippee!!!

So I have requested the Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday off inbetween the Easter break and the Royal Wedding weekend and if I am very lucky and it is granted then I will have 11 days off!!
Fingers crossed!!!

So lets get cracking with sorting out my life/finances etc!


My revised list for 2011
(week start 03.01.11)

The usual
NSD M/T/W
£5 a day W/
check bank account T/W
check b/c
check n/w
update snowball T/
update signature
sealed pot
keep up with MG diary M/T/
keep up with Mike's diary M/T/
keep up with Dinah's diary M/T/
review my 50 day challenge
start a new challenge
keep up with my diary! T/W
keep up with matrix T/
15mins M/
1 hour ebay M/T/W
ironing M/
make thank you cards (design already decided just get it toshed up on the mac)
[STRIKE]sort out new phone contract[/STRIKE]

daily do something nice -
M: go for couple of pints of lovely real ale in local pub
T:
W: meet friends at dinnertime instead of sitting in the office
Th:
F:
S:
S:

house things to complete -
check stair rods (when they arrive)
chase carpet fitting date (on 07.01.11)
measure up for bookcase
clear out and declutter back bedroom (ongoing!!)
await delivery and fit of replacement front door

Well I have checked my bank account and, although I am totally skint for the rest of the month, I am not in any further debt! Yippee!!! I did kind of avoid checking the account in case I had really screwed it up and I did get that familiar sickly feeling in my stomach as the webpage opened!! But phew. Onwards and upwards eh?

Hi jwil, yeah, definitely have a look in there. I can't wait to find some time to go back. But in the meantime I think I will use the inspiration of seeing the real Alice in Wonderland book and reread it on my iphone!

Oh well, the boredom of this place is sending me to sleep but I must get on and do my work or I am in trouble!

T
x

little_h_2

that's great news that you haven't let work get you down today, sounds like a very positive step for the new year. hopefully you can keep reminding yourself it's your job, not your life or who you are, and keep things in perspective.

i really enjoyed your post about the British Museum, I haven't been in a very long time, mostly when I was into Egyptology and the like when i was in my teens. Sounds like there is lots of different things to see, I too would be bowled over by some of the things you mentioned. It's nice to be inspired and feel cultured!

One of my resolutions following a trip to Paris 18 months ago with my graphic designer ex housemate was to go to more galleries. She is a great researcher of places to go so we went to some great exhibitions and museums. It took me a long time to actually get round to it, but in 2010 I managed a trip to the V&A for the Grace Kelly exhibition and also went to an exhibition of some of Princess Diana's dresses at the Fashion Museum in Bath.

The joy of those still goes with me now, so you have reminded me how important this is to keep going and find more to keep myself ticking over

dirtyepic

little_h wrote: »

that's great news that you haven't let work get you down today, sounds like a very positive step for the new year. hopefully you can keep reminding yourself it's your job, not your life or who you are, and keep things in perspective.

i really enjoyed your post about the British Museum, I haven't been in a very long time, mostly when I was into Egyptology and the like when i was in my teens. Sounds like there is lots of different things to see, I too would be bowled over by some of the things you mentioned. It's nice to be inspired and feel cultured!

One of my resolutions following a trip to Paris 18 months ago with my graphic designer ex housemate was to go to more galleries. She is a great researcher of places to go so we went to some great exhibitions and museums. It took me a long time to actually get round to it, but in 2010 I managed a trip to the V&A for the Grace Kelly exhibition and also went to an exhibition of some of Princess Diana's dresses at the Fashion Museum in Bath.

The joy of those still goes with me now, so you have reminded me how important this is to keep going and find more to keep myself ticking over

Hi little_h,

I have to keep reminding myself of how excited I was and how inspirational it was to do it on my own, to use my spare time doing something I hadn't ever done before instead of sitting having a cup of coffee or a pint!

I will try and appreciate what we have up here in Newcastle during this year I think. We have the Baltic which is about a 10 minute walk from my workplace but I only have a half hour for dinner which means I would have to run around the place in 10 mins!! Maybe after work one night I can have dander along there, it's a lovely walk. Down the hill past the lovely historical buildings on Dean Street leading down to the Quayside, under the Tyne Bridge and along the banks of the Tyne. Crossing the river over the Blinking Eye bridge. We have other museums but I never think about going to visit them. It's true that we should make the most of what's on our doorstep but I think you think 'I can do that anytime' - we should DO IT NOW!!!!

I have also started to keep a photo diary of this year, keeping a photo from each day of this year to remind me of what I have actually done because I do actually do a lot of stuff but never think that I have!!

Let's keep happy!!! (remind me about this statement when I start to whinge again!!)

T