Dirty's hoping it's not too late to mend her ways......

jwil

Hi Dirtyepic, (((hugs)))

You've done brilliantly by not spending on the cards any more, that is the biggest step you can make. The debt will be reducing as a result of that.

Make sure you have time for yourself.

I'm up and down a lot too, so I can resonate with a lot you've posted on here.

Good luck and glad getting that off your chest helped you today.

dirtyepic

Hi diary,

I am here cos I actually have some time to do 'me' things.

Positive things coming my way this week so instead of just being a bit miserable on here I am going write my good things too, for a change.

I eventually wound up my collection of items for Kits for Kids charity and was took two days holiday from work to drive from Jarrow to Borehamwood, borrowing my dad's big old diesel VW Golf. That was supposed to be today and tomorrow. I wasn't really looking forward to it because I am not supposed to drive for more than an hour without stopping and walking around - this is to prevent my back from stiffening up again.

Earlier this week my pal (who's a director of a local engineering company) secured the services of the haulage contractor that they use to take all of the kits to the storage facility free of charge!

Now when we've bagged it up it is actually two pallet's worth!! Flippin amazing, everyone who has helped has been absolutely amazing. A brilliant, massive joint effort by all and I am so proud of everyone who took part!

Now I have two days holiday to play with before heading down to that London on Saturday morning for a lush long weekend away with pals. I will be attending my dream gig on Saturday - Primal Scream playing the whole of Screamadelica at Olympia. I have been looking forward to this for so long you wouldn't believe how excited I am. (One day I will read back on this and smile at the reminder of how excited!!!)

This morning when I have looked out of the window there's about three inches of beautiful snow everywhere, brightening up the dark winter morning, no end.

Not too hopeful about the train journey being as reliable as usual. Let's hope the snow has melted by Saturday morning because if I miss the gig due to the wrong kind of snow on the tracks I won't be a happy bunny!

Okay then so that's a brief explanation of this week so far.

My day today is going to very busy as well; I have a hair appointment at 9am and I am going from a very natural demure blonde highlights to absolute bright pillarbox red. Now there is a reason behind this. I had this radical hair colour about 8 years ago and it gave me so much confidence you wouldn't believe. I felt that if people were looking at me (for whatever reason) they were only actually looking at my hair. I had it in my head that people were looking and noticing how big my boobs were, how fat I was, how rotten and deathly I looked, how badly dressed I was etc etc so this hair colour was a bit of a cloak for me. I have been very very unconfident for so long now that I think the exciting hair colour will be good for me and you know what, if it's not right for me this time then there's millions of other hair colours I could try. I'm not going to dwell on the 'what ifs' at the moment and am going to just go for it. Quite exciting eh?!

Also today we have a person coming to measure up for our long-overdue and saved-up-for stair carpet at about 12pm and then after 12pm a person is coming to insulate our loft.

Then I am going to tempt fate and pack for my weekend away.

I have a friend who doesn't work on a Thursday and Friday and we are going to hopefully meet at the sea front (on a very chilly snowy morning) and treat ourselves to a frothy coffee and toasted teacake and maybe a walk and lots of photo opportunities.

And that doesn't even touch on my list of things to do so, without further ado, I am going to get my list started and then jump out of my lush warm bed to mentally prep myself for my hair adventure!

wk/st 22.11.10 TO DO list
- check bank every day M/T/W
- PAD every day S/M/T/W/T/F (£7 b/c this week)
- make £5 a day M/T/W
- NSD M/T
- check nationwide
- check b/c
- update snowball
- read some of 'The Secret'
- read some of Memory Girl's book
- have a daily 10 min 'me time'
- ebay 30 minutes per day

my stuff I have got to do today and tomorrow:
- drop the keys and colour chart to the decorator (again saved very hard for and a necessity for the massive walls on the staircase!)
- pop to the bank
- need tights on 3 for 2 at Boots
- ebay listings
- ebay package and post
- washing
- ironing
- ring our Julie!
- take skirting board to woodyard to ask very nicely if they can trim!
- ring damp proof company for dad for refund!
- get some scotchguard protector for me boots
- get hair done

Phew!

Right I have to be at hairdresser in 40 mins and need to have breakfast, makeup on and phone recharged in time!

Wish me luck! Is today the start of a new me (well on the outside anyway!)

You know what? It's nice to be back to be able to read back on my previous posts and to chunter on about what's going on just now. I thought I would be embarrassed about reading back, especially with my 'tell all' previous post but I'm not. That's exactly what I wanted to say and felt I had to be able to get it out and yep, you are all right, this is my diary and this is the place to do it.

Unexpected positive feelings today. Great!!

Hopefully see you soon with a different coloured head!

T
x

jwil

Have a great few days DE, sounds fab! I bet your new hair will look lovely.

I haven't heard Primal Scream for years! That took me back I didn't realise they were still around.

Lots of good things going on for you at the moment, so I hope you enjoy them!

Well done on your kits for kids collection, that is great. I lurked on the thread for a while and was very impressed with how things were going.

dirtyepic

hi jwil

Well it's done!

It's really really red and I absolutely love it!

I keep catching my reflection in mirrors and doors in while I am pottering around the house and have to do a double take!

It looks like a long haired red wig with a fringe!

Yeah, Primal Scream this weekend. I have only been waiting for this weekend since Feb when we bought the tickets and now I have to pray that the snow doesn't disrupt travel too bad on Saturday.

Still going strong but I think next year they will be very popular again with the 20 year anniversary of Screamadelica (in my top three fave albums and never budged from that position since 1991!)

So I hope the Universe is on my side this weekend!

T
x

jwil

dirtyepic wrote: »

hi jwil

Well it's done!

It's really really red and I absolutely love it!

I keep catching my reflection in mirrors and doors in while I am pottering around the house and have to do a double take!

It looks like a long haired red wig with a fringe!

Yeah, Primal Scream this weekend. I have only been waiting for this weekend since Feb when we bought the tickets and now I have to pray that the snow doesn't disrupt travel too bad on Saturday.

Still going strong but I think next year they will be very popular again with the 20 year anniversary of Screamadelica (in my top three fave albums and never budged from that position since 1991!)

So I hope the Universe is on my side this weekend!

T
x

I'm glad you like the hair!

I was never a big fan of Primal Scream but liked them, and definitely had a copy of screamadelica. I can't believe it was 20 years ago though :eek:

dirtyepic

Right, here we go again. Restarting yet again with good intentions to persevere with me diary etc.

It's in me 50 day challenge which ends on December 20th and I think I haven't quite got to the mark with regards the diary anyway.

Me 50 day challenge included (as shown in my first ever mind map currently pinned on the wall above my desk where I love to sit):

READING
Read MG's Student Survival Guide (even though I am not a student I think that this method of learning could be invaluable to a self-confessed scatterbrain) - 42/118 pages
Re-read The Secret (still to be convinced but I know the power of positive thinking is a great thing) 15/206 pages
Keep up with the MG Matrix 15 mins a day ACHIEVED TO DATE
Keep up with MSE ACHIEVED TO DATE

FUTURE
Reassess my goals and achievements in the 50 days ONGOING THROUGH COUNSELLING
Reassess my current job and career ON HOLD AWAITING ONGOING REVIEW
In other words think about the future

PERSONAL
Improve my thoughts to happy, positive, confident ONGOING THROUGH COUNSELLING
Improve my fitness therefore lose weight and become more sociable ONGOING
Manage my time more efficiently ERM - JUST NOT HAPPENING

FINANCES
NSD 15/50 days 12/15 to date YAY
PAD 30/50 days 37/30 YAY
£5 a day 50 days 37/37 days YAY

Looking through that and that's the first review I have completed since 1 November, it's looking pretty good so far. It looks like I have cracked the Finances section which is a massive bonus considering I have no money for Christmas presents and haven't got that many presents in! Oh dear!

My personal life section is doing okay although the time management isn't happening. Hoping that that will be resolved when I attend the MG session she is doing in Newcastle in March. So I figure if I have been so rubbish at it for so long then three months isn't going to kill me!

My reading section is happening slowly but surely. To tell you the truth I would rather read my photography magazines than The Secret cos photography is something that is real, believable, achievable and the Secret is a lot of reading but not that convincing, it's a repetitive notion 'that if I keep repeating something then people will believe me' kind of read. I am heading down to London on the train next week and will read on there I hope. MG's book is another difficult read because I have to dedicate a certain amount of time to let it sink in and practice and I am busy busy at the moment with work, house, Christmas stuff. Not a good excuse but a valid one.

My big struggle is 'my future' section. Hate my job and career with a passion - it's a draining negative thing that eats away at me when I think about it so it's easier for me to plod on and achieve nothing every day of the week therefore turning into one of the people that I said I never wanted to turn into. I need mental stimulation and to work with dynamic people. It's just not happening. Plus the fact I don't know what exactly I want to do and I have been told it's virtually impossible to get into design/typesetting again which isn't what I wanted to hear, from a few people. So my 'goals, achievements, career and job' are all at a stalemate at the mo. The position at work is a bit touch and go at the moment so I think it would be silly to jump just now, if I would be made redundant in a few months then I think I should wait until then.

Right now for my current situation.

Having a good day so far, worked from home this morning then went to my weekly counselling session which was difficult as usual but I am sure we are slowly but surely getting there although it seems usually like 1 step forwards and 2 back but I must persevere!

Able to work from home again this afternoon so, once I am done on here I will be cracking on with inspection reports till the day is done!

I am hoping to one day read this post and look back and smile that I am doing something much more fulfilling with a big bunch of likeminded people. Maybe The Universe will have to be consulted (see some of The Secret has actually sunk in but still to be convinced remember?!)

My new list for this week (06.12.10)

PAD M/T/W/T/F/S/S
NSD M/
£5 a day M/T
check bank account M/
check b/c M/
check n/w M/
update snowball M/
update signature M/
finish my ebay listings
finish my mega pile of ironing
do something nice
print out recipes for MG's Mocha, sweet mince pies, twinkies hob nobs
Get ingredients for above


So that's it for now, up to me neck in inspection reports so going to crack on.

Oh yeah, just heard that Chris Hughton, the Newcastle manager has been sacked. Unbelievable - yet again! It's got me a bit annoyed and I don't even go to the match anymore. It's hard to believe what the board were expecting from him. All the fans that I have spoken to have been more than happy with his performance whilst being in charge. Grrrrrrrrr....

T
x

dirtyepic

jwil wrote: »

I'm glad you like the hair!

I was never a big fan of Primal Scream but liked them, and definitely had a copy of screamadelica. I can't believe it was 20 years ago though :eek:

Hi again jwil,

Yep almost 20 years - ooh the mistakes we've made in 20 years eh?!!

Oh yeah and ALL the fun we had whilst making the mistakes.

Was a great gig and they are still going strong and I can't wait to see them next year when they do the same gig at Newcastle.

Still loving my red hair but its all shaggy curly now and not straight as I can't blow dry it straight and don't have the patience to learn cos me hair's really thick and I lose interest and end up tying it up.

T

jwil

dirtyepic wrote: »

Hi again jwil,

Yep almost 20 years - ooh the mistakes we've made in 20 years eh?!! :o:o

Oh yeah and ALL the fun we had whilst making the mistakes. :D:D

Was a great gig and they are still going strong and I can't wait to see them next year when they do the same gig at Newcastle.

Still loving my red hair but its all shaggy curly now and not straight as I can't blow dry it straight and don't have the patience to learn cos me hair's really thick and I lose interest and end up tying it up.

T

Glad you enjoyed the gig!

dirtyepic

Hi diary,

Today's a very weird day, it's got me thinking - a lot. We know that that's what I am trying not to do!!!

My work colleague has left now, she left last night and I was surprisingly quite upset when I said goodbye, gave her her little pressie and card, gave her a hug and left the office.

So now there's just me and the boss and the silence in the office is, yet again, deafening.

I lasted till 10.15 before I started to listen to my music through my earphones. I didn't get in till 09.25! Oh the days are going to be long.

I have started lists, I have started to clear the decks of outstanding bits and pieces and I have started to archive my emails due to my email box now being 100% full and the boss still not pulling his finger out and chasing IT to enlarge the storage facility. So I am spending at least 45 minutes per day saving each individual email and attachment onto my memory stick which he doesn't want me to do but I will do it till I have enough space to use my email daily.

You know, I have numerous skills that are currently idle. Things that I love doing, things that I have been interested in and things I studied and I wish I could use them instead of doing work that I hate or maybe I don't hate doing the work I just hate the place where I am. So how do you get to use the skills you want to use?
Ah yeah, that'll be through the use of that thing called 'confidence'. Now where's that gone? Where did I last have it? Where can you get a replacement? Can I get some quickly through ebay 'buy it now'? Will anyone be giving some away on Freecycle?

My list of idle skills:
calligraphy
body massage
indian head massage
graphic design
typesetting
sewing
mixing records!
MUSIC
Mac artworker

:mad: List of currently used skills:
Health and Safety
Organisational skills
Office skills
Interpersonal skills (dealing with employees from all walks of life)
Mac and PC

List of 'lack ofs':
Confidence
Self esteem
Motivation
Memory
Self-control (eating, exercising, staying awake even though I am dead tired! What's that all about??!!)

Is this little colourful list something I can work from or is this just another attempt for me to get stuff out of my head, down in my diary and file under 'pending'?

I am doing okay still on my 50 day challenge but unfortunately my ebay sales haven't been too good over recent weeks therefore my Christmas money is not very healthy and it looks like I will have to buy the last of my gifts on the credit card. Bad thing for my finances but at least I have lasted since August and not spent anything since then.

I know it's Christmas this time every year and every year I think that something miraculous will happen and I won't have to worry about money but I am back to square one.

It will be no more than £150 so that's not too bad is it?!!! Go on, convince yourself.

Aye, okay then, its a miserable failure - yet again. But that can't make everything else fail. ONE failure only. I am allowed that. Go on, convince yourself again!

Okay then my to do list for this week, how we getting on there then?!


My new list for this week (06.12.10)
PAD M/T/W/T/F/S/S
NSD M/W
£5 a day M/T/W/T/F
check bank account M/W
check b/c M/
check n/w M/
update snowball M/W
update signature M/W
finish my ebay listings
finish my mega pile of ironing
do something nice Julie came round for tea on Tuesday, off to K&G's for tea tonight!
print out recipes for MG's Mocha, sweet mince pies, twinkies hob nobs
Get ingredients for above

Grrrrrr! I have just updated my snowball and over the moon about it. By the end of the year I would have paid over £1000 off my debt since October 14th! I can't believe it that I have managed to do that. But then I am furious with myself that I have to spend on my credit card to get bl***y Christmas out of the way! I am so stupid!!!

Anyway. Smack myself on the wrist again and start again paying in with December's wages.

Till tomorrow, which is after all, just another day.

Let's see if it's easier to drag myself out of bed to face it though!

T
x

dirtyepic

Well actually following directly on from my previous post I will not be spending on my flipping credit card because I am furious that I cannot pay off the purchases in full to accrue no interest due to the t&c for my previous balance transfer. Now the bt is safe at 0% for another 12 months but if I spend, my monthly payment will pay the interest on my purchases then pay off my bt then I will have my purchases to pay for at the end therefore forever paying interest.

I have now been put on hold for the third time by a customer services 'expert' apparently.

Oh no I haven't I have been cut off.

Right, then now plan b. Who's got a plan b??? Anyone...... please???!!!!!