Dirty's hoping it's not too late to mend her ways......

beanielou

No can do on a plan b, sorry.
Amaz3n by any chance?

jwil

I can't help with the CC dilemma I'm afraid, but you are not a failure because you have to put some of Christmas on a CC - it is a success that you don't have to put ALL of Christmas on a CC. Baby steps and all that - next year you can have a CC free christmas!

dirtyepic

jwil wrote: »

I can't help with the CC dilemma I'm afraid, but you are not a failure because you have to put some of Christmas on a CC - it is a success that you don't have to put ALL of Christmas on a CC. Baby steps and all that - next year you can have a CC free christmas!

I know jwil, but I am just so annoyed at myself with it all! Ended up okay in the end though, my lovely dad is lending me it to see me through.

I just thought that I could successfully paid off £1000 of my debt by the end of the year but that's probably not going to happen now. But then again, miracles can happen - especially this time of year eh?!!

Oh, well, lets crack on with this Christmas malarkey now then.

As for Plan B - me dad ended up being me Plan B. I definitely didn't have a Plan C though!!

jwil

Aww that's nice of your dad!

dirtyepic

My new list for this week (13.12.10)
PAD M/T/W/T/F/S/S
NSD
£5 a day
check bank account M/
check b/c M/
check n/w M/
update snowball M/
update signature M/
finish my ebay listings
ironing
make thank you cards (design already decided just get it toshed up on the mac)

do something nice – M: buy Christmas tree
print out recipes for MG's Mocha, sweet mince pies, twinkies hob nobs
Get ingredients for above
house things to complete
draughtproofing the sitting room (beading to paint and fit)
Undercoat vestibule cupboard
Emulsion vestibule cupboard
3 x glass light fitting to fit
check stair rods (when they arrive)
check big light fitting (when it arrives)
fit vestibule carpet (when it arrives)
grout splashback in bathroom (when it’s tiled!)

Hi Diary
It looks like a couple of times a week is all I can manage to keep up my diary ramblings but I am happy with that.
Rather an uneventful past few days (which I should be thankful for I suppose) This must mean my life is stabilizing a bit. I did suffer from a bit of a tantrum last night and unfortunately Marty was around when I had my outburst. I don’t feel bad when I have to stomp around to release my frustrations when I am alone but he happened to be in the house and felt the brunt of it all.
Although he wasn’t completely innocent in the whole build up of the day but it’s all sorted now and everyone’s happy about who’s doing what and when for the next week anyway.
Working from home again this morning, then my counseling appointment then hopefully I can continue to work from home this afternoon as well.
We are having the splashback tiled this morning, in the bathroom and I will just have to grout it (must add to my to do list!) so little things are getting done eventually and it’s nice to be able to see that the work in the house is almost done. As previously mentioned its almost five years in the making but we can nearly say our home is complete (well apart from the big back bedroom which is currently being used as two store rooms, one full of my ebay stuff and the bedroom as a dumping ground for stuff whilst things are getting moved from room to room as the house is getting done!)
So a few positives here on this posting, which is good.
To tell you the truth I am just so tired and my sinus is playing up again that I can’t be chewed in whingeing much!!
Okay then, till something else happens…….

dirtyepic

jwil wrote: »

Aww that's nice of your dad!

Yeah, it was. He's dead canny, you know. Just wish he would take a bit more care of himself. He's 76 on Wednesday and he has a few health problems but quite sprightly and active I suppose.

Trouble is, he loves to eat good old fashioned grub ie pies! He knows that he has to keep his cholesterol and blood pressure etc under control but still tries to sneak more pies than is healthy into his diet!

He is more active now than he has ever been in his life. Well when I mean active I mean he goes shopping every day and takes my sister's dog for walks but at all other times he sits in front of his TV watching anything to do with the world wars, sport and re-runs of MASH! Very loudly. He won't go to see about his ears or his teeth - I think he is scared of any news that he doesn't really want to hear! Such as that he is losing his hearing and he might have to lose his teeth.

Parents eh?!!! Only joking - I wouldnt swap him for anyone else in the world.

jwil

Parents indeed. They are lovely though!

I love MASH my DH has bought me the boxset for Christmas

dirtyepic

I hope everyone has had a peaceful and enjoyable Christmas.

I am having a lovely week off from absolutely everything.

Although I haven't spent much at all, this is a lovely week off from the shops, work, spending, ebay and checking all my nsd/pad/cc's/bank accounts, lists, the outside world! etc etc

So I have no figures to update!

I think tomorrow I will be weaning myself back into the whole ms world again.

So as I lay on me lush bed and catch up with the soaps today I will mentally prepare meself for a productive day tomorrow!

Oops nearly forgot to mention that I am really looking forward to DIY SOS this week showing the whole transformation of Mike's house. In fact, it's been set on the sky+ for a little while now.

T

little_h_2

hi there,

i have spent most of today rediscovering some motivation reading some MSE diaries so will be subscribing to yours a few things really struck a chord.

i also live in an old house that needs renovation. i too work in a soul sapping job and am frustrated that my creative talents aren't even remotely used! (i am a musician but work full time as an accountant at the moment). i too am having some counselling at the moment.

just a couple of observations from reading your diary if i may be so bold. I really understand how de-energising it is doing something you hate all day, knowing that this pays your bills but also at the same time keeps you slaving away, sapping your soul, and makes you doubt that you will ever be free.

i have found it very useful to do something creative as well - i am lucky that i can earn a little extra money from playing my instrument for weddings/functions etc. it takes me out of my normal world a little and i feel like a different person when i do it, and also when i practice or am working on a concert/recital.

is this something you can do, you mentioned your love of fonts/graphic design, do you need to be using these skills even if it is designing beautiful things just for friends/family/yourself initially? I also describe myself to myself as a musician, not an accountant. this reminds me that what i do does not define who i am. maybe when your confidence starts to return, you can shout a little more about your talents and you may be lucky and in the right place at the right time for something fab to come along!

lastly, the burden of keeping your debt secret seems to be tremendous and seems to be having an impact on your physical health. to me (and again, this may be because my debt is massive!), a debt such as yours is relatively small and you are managing it phenomenally well. would it really be so awful to tell your husband, who sounds wonderful and supportive of everything? i am probably playing devil's advocate and i hope i haven't upset you by saying this. sounds to me like you have come a long time since the bankruptcy and you have been able to nip things in the bud very early on!

anyway, I hope 2011 brings you a wonderful debt free year. x

dirtyepic

little_h wrote: »

hi there,

i have spent most of today rediscovering some motivation reading some MSE diaries so will be subscribing to yours a few things really struck a chord.

i also live in an old house that needs renovation. i too work in a soul sapping job and am frustrated that my creative talents aren't even remotely used! (i am a musician but work full time as an accountant at the moment). i too am having some counselling at the moment.

just a couple of observations from reading your diary if i may be so bold. I really understand how de-energising it is doing something you hate all day, knowing that this pays your bills but also at the same time keeps you slaving away, sapping your soul, and makes you doubt that you will ever be free.

i have found it very useful to do something creative as well - i am lucky that i can earn a little extra money from playing my instrument for weddings/functions etc. it takes me out of my normal world a little and i feel like a different person when i do it, and also when i practice or am working on a concert/recital.

is this something you can do, you mentioned your love of fonts/graphic design, do you need to be using these skills even if it is designing beautiful things just for friends/family/yourself initially? I also describe myself to myself as a musician, not an accountant. this reminds me that what i do does not define who i am. maybe when your confidence starts to return, you can shout a little more about your talents and you may be lucky and in the right place at the right time for something fab to come along!

lastly, the burden of keeping your debt secret seems to be tremendous and seems to be having an impact on your physical health. to me (and again, this may be because my debt is massive!), a debt such as yours is relatively small and you are managing it phenomenally well. would it really be so awful to tell your husband, who sounds wonderful and supportive of everything? i am probably playing devil's advocate and i hope i haven't upset you by saying this. sounds to me like you have come a long time since the bankruptcy and you have been able to nip things in the bud very early on!

anyway, I hope 2011 brings you a wonderful debt free year. x

Hi little_h

Thanks so much for your reply.

I completely appreciate your comments and am looking forward to the next month or so when I know I will be mentally capable of achieving a couple of the things you mentioned.

My last counselling session before Christmas was a great one (some are great, some not-so-great! as you probably are aware)

My counsellor advised me to try and do what I enjoy doing. Something creative, join a group or a class who will encourage and motivate me and my creativity. Myself and a group of friends have all recently decided to create a photography group where we can meet, chat, teach and discuss issues with each other and go away for the day and take photos (and visit nice old fashioned pubs!) which I am really really looking forward to.

I am also taking stock of my life again, stage 2 I think.

At the end of 2010 I took part in a personal 50 day challenge (through the Memory girl Matrix) and one of my challenges was to step back and take a look at my career and what I want to do and need to do to enjoy, enhance or change it. I have thought a lot about it and am starting to ask around through friends and contacts to get advice on how I can return to graphic design.

I must pay off my debt before I can return to the creative industry I left around 7 years ago. I will probably have to take a dramatic drop in my salary but I think that as long as I can still pay my way at home, have no debt I will have nothing to worry about - not even getting up for work in the morning!!

Also discussed at my counselling sessions was the issue of the debt I have created for myself and how it has affected almost every aspect of my life. It's the whole disappointment in myself for doing it (I now realise this has a direct link to my depression), not being able to admit it to my husband (again he will be so disappointed due to my past experiences around 10 years ago) but I think I am almost ready to face up to what I should have faced up to a couple of years ago.

I am going to have to be very careful in what I say to him. He is a lovely, sensitive man and the last thing I want to do is not only disappoint him but also hurt and upset him. My anxiety and depression, as you will probably know, don't make me the most confident of individuals and I usually have to have support and second opinions on all confrontation experiences but this one, I am on me own!!! So I am going to have to choose my words very carefully.

Thanks again for your very kind reply on my diary and I hope you achieve all you set out to achieve during 2011 and maybe a little more as well.

Happy New Year

T

ps nothing at all you have said could or would upset me! Thanks so much for getting in touch!