Chapel of rest

Greener_Grass

I have seen 3 of my relatives after they passed away in the chapel of rest, The first 2 it had been a while since I had saw them so i was comforted by seeing them but my grandpa died almost 2 years ago, I saw him 3 or 4 times in the leading up to his death and when i saw him in the chapel of rest it was horrible, He looked nothing like i knew him to look and i found it quite upsetting, I don't think i would ever see anyone there again, I prefer to remember them in my mind. All down to personal choice though.

Sorry for your loss x

izzybusy23

Greener_Grass wrote: »

I have seen 3 of my relatives after they passed away in the chapel of rest, The first 2 it had been a while since I had saw them so i was comforted by seeing them but my grandpa died almost 2 years ago, I saw him 3 or 4 times in the leading up to his death and when i saw him in the chapel of rest it was horrible, He looked nothing like i knew him to look and i found it quite upsetting, I don't think i would ever see anyone there again, I prefer to remember them in my mind. All down to personal choice though.

Sorry for your loss x

Same here; my grandad didn't look like his usual self either and that upset me and he was the first and only person I have seen in the chapel of rest. I think its down to the undertakers too; they had put my grandad's shirt on too high so his collar was literally just under his chin which made him look victorian; when my nan (his wife) died I refused to go and see her fearful that she wouldn't look like she did in life and I wouldn't see anybody else again I don't think. But again, its personal choice.

pigpen

I wouldn't go see anyone.. I don't do dead.. I can just about cope with the offering the cat brings home. I don't do funerals either if I can possibly get out of them.

xmaslolly76

Op im so sorry for your loss.

When my sister died she was bought home before the funeral i went and said goodbye to her but couldnt shake the feeling it wasnt her that was there especially when i went to hold her hand and she was stone cold. My mom (she was my grandmother really but thats another story) died a couple of years later and i really didnt want to go to the chapel of rest but felt a bit pressured by my dad i think he needed me there more than i needed to say good bye i couldnt bring myself to look and stood in the corner remembering all the lovely times we had shared. If another close relative ever dies i will not be attending the chapel i cant handle it, i'm sat here crying now thinking about it. I hope i dont sound cras or upset anyone but i feel that the person is not there anymore it is just the vessel they used whilst they were among us and i dont need to say goodbye to that. I know they are both looking over us in some way i'm not religous its just what i like to believe.

At the end of the day its a very personal thing and you need to think about what you really want. I hope you find some comfort in the weeks to come what ever you decide to do x

Starrystarrynight

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, OP.
When my Mam died last year, my sister and Dad went to see her at the funeral home every single day. I didn't, and it was actually something Mam and me had talked about a few years ago. I always said that I didn't want to remember her in a coffin, I wanted to remember her smiling and laughing, out shopping or taking care of my little niece. She understood that then, and I don't regret not seeing her. In my mind, I want to picture her in good times.

MyRubyRed

I should probably add that I didn't go to see my darling dad in the Chapel but I did get the chance to sit with him very soon after he died (in his sleep). I said my goodbyes there and in truth could not have faced the Chapel.

Errata

I don't do the gawping into coffins bit either. I do go to the chapel of rest and spend a few quiet moments there and to the funeral and that's it. I like to remember people with a smile on their face and being happy, not laid out dead and tarted up by the undertaker.

Janepig

I think we can see from the replies that it really is a personal thing and a decision only you can make.

I agree that much of the "appearance" thing is down to the undertaker. When my grandmother died all her close family were with her, but when it came to afterwards, the undertaker (someone we knew quite well) recommended that he close the coffin because "she doesn't look the lady she once was". Which was true, and very honest of him.

My mother was never one for funeral homes or funerals and always used to say she wanted to remember the person as they were, and when she died I didn't go and see her, although my dad did. I did feel a bit of a pang afterwards that perhaps I should have done, but it was fleeting and I've no regrets. I wouldn't have wanted that to have been my abiding memory of her, although my dad said she did look nice (iykwim).

Jxx

katebl

Hi lucy,

Firstly sorry for your loss. I've been to visit my Nan, Grandad, and lastly my Dad in chapels previously. I have to say even though I was with my Dad for a couple of hours after he passed, I still couldn't get the image of him in the chapel of rest out of my head for months afterwards, but my first reaction when I went in was I was upset that they'd covered up the shoes I'd spent so long polishing!

If you really don't feel up to visiting your Nan, I would suggest you could write a note to put give to someone to put in the coffin with her and say your goodbyes that way. Even though I went to visit my Dad a couple of times I still regret not leaving him a message to take with him . Could make you feel better if you decide not to go.

Poly,put_the_kettle_on

There's no right or wrong answer. I disagree wholeheartedly with the poster who's sure it'll break your heart if you don't go in. You're not them. You'll react in your own, unique way, and you're best placed to try to figure out what that will be.

Saying goodbye is a very personal thing. Not everyone feels the need to do so by seeing a body. Not everyone needs to do it at all. Feel your way through it, and whatever you decide, don't be pressured by anyone- do what feels right for you.

My thoughts are with you. xx