Chapel of rest

Lucy1973

Hi,not sure if posting this in the right place but I wanted some advice.
My lovely nan passed away on friday. The family will be getting together to say goodbye sometime this week and i'm unsure if I can face seeing her again.

I saw my Mother in law after she died,and because it was so sudden,I felt I wanted to do it. As difficult as it was,I was comforted in a way.
I'm just not sure if I can see my nan like this,and if I chose not to,then I may regret it:(

pixie76

I loved my Grandma so much, she was like a Mother to me and I was devastated when she died. I visited her at the Chapel of Rest and was a bag of nerves , once I got to see her, she looked beautiful, just like she was sleeping and actually looked a bit younger, I kissed her and had that opportunity to say a final goodbye and have no regrets.

Becles

Sorry to hear that. It must be difficult anyway without this playing on your mind.

I've never seen any of my relatives in the Chapel of Rest.

I was 13 when my Grandma died, she was in hospital after suffering pneumonia. She was getting better and I'd gone in to visit. She'd known I was coming and bought a bag of sweets from the trolley and we shared them and had good old natter and carry on. She was in high spirits and I can still remember that afternoon. She died suddenly the next day of an unexpected heart attack so I never saw her again.

My parents went to the Chapel of Rest and said her hair was straight (she put her rollers in every day), and she had make up on (she never wore make up). My Mam was upset as it didn't look like her, and I didn't want to go in and see.

Have lost other relatives since, and I've not seen any of them after they've gone. I'd rather keep happy last memories like the one I have of my Grandma, and I've never regretted not going.

I still think about them. I recently did a job in the town my Grandparents used to live in and spent a few moments sitting on the beach front where they used to take us to play and thought about them.

VK-2008

sorry about your loss, my gran passed away 4 years ago
i was offered to see her but i never
i wanted to remember her as she was
i do not regret it for one moment
and i have the most amazing memories

LilacPixie

I make it a habit (not the best phrase) of going in to say goodbye.

I think its a personal thing, I went to see my dads aunt at the undertakers and they hadn't done her hair right so I asked if i could sort it and they let me. I don't regrette seeing any of them but it is a very personal thing. I think for me I get comfort in seeing them relaxed and peaceful. Almost content. When I saw my Grandad he looked at peace in in contrast to the way he had looked in the 4 years since my Gran died. Its like she came for him and he was so happy.

MyRubyRed

I saw my grandma and she looked wonderfully peaceful and a lot younger than her 94 years.

savingmummy

I find it very reassuring to say goodbye and see just how peaceful they are now they have been taken, especially if they have been poorly for a while or suffering in some way.
Everyone has different views and there is no answer as to if people should or shouldnt go and say goodbye.

I was once advised by a relative not to see a close friend who had passed as they didnt look like their normal selves, so i didnt and i still regret not saying goodbye properly, on the funeral day i felt so sad that i hadnt said goodbye and i always promised myself i would never not go to say goodbye again.

Sorry to hear of your loss x

NAR

Lucy1973 wrote: »

I'm just not sure if I can see my nan like this,and if I chose not to,then I may regret it:(

So sorry to hear of your loss Lucy. This is never an easy decision to make. Could I suggest you ask someone who has been in to see her first how she looks. If the answer is something like, she looks like she has gone to sleep and not woken up, then go and see her and say your last private goodbyes. I always get a feeling of closure from these private moments.

VK-2008

its personal choice and only you will know what to do dont jump in and make harsh decision. the posters on here say it helps them i just dont think i could, i enjoy my memories as they are and i am scared it would change them
i like the comment made earlier by lilacpixie, about the fixing of hair as you are someone who knows what that persn looks like
hugs to you xxx

Lucy1973

Thanks everyone. I guess its a very personal thing and no one else can help you decide. I think i'll do what another poster suggested and maybe ask someone else to go in first and see if its ok to see her.

screamer

PM me if you need an explanation but trust me, you really need to say goodbye, your heart will break eventually if you don't! xx

The kindest of regards goes to you and your family, I hope you find a way to deal with this at this very hard time! xx xx xx