Wols Riverbank Tales Pt 4: Restitution & Renaissance

taxi73

So nice to hear from you and though things aren't as you'd like at the moment am sure you'll get to where is right for you.You are right you have to do what's right for you and not anybody else.
Am sorry about the house not being sellable that's awful..

Buffythedebtslayer

good to hear from you Wol

sorry about Beechie tho and of course the house. some of what you have written struck such a cord with me. I wish I could drive I would come over for a visit

sending supportive vibes.

Love Buffyx

Nargleblast

What a booger, Wol, the house value thing, the piggie health issues, the work situation.....

But you are reborn. The Universe is on your side, and so are all your friends here.

Together you (and we) will survive and prosper.

Karmacat

Wol, it sounds like "lightbulb moment" is a huge understatement for what's going on for you at the moment.

Wol2 wrote: »

I've been taking a bit of a break as lots of things have accumulated and I need some time to sort out the rest of my life as I have some tough decisions to make.

I kept watching for you - can't talk, as I said, but I'm watching, and I was getting really concerned. I can see now why it took you this time to post...

The submission to the Ombudsman is my last chance to recoup a fraction of my losses and restore some type of financial security for my old age.
Its the last chance for the previous plan to work - from later on in your post, its clear to me that even if the old plan *does* work, there's a lot more to come ....

- if that fails i will have to play the hand I have been dealt. Unfortunately several more things have happened over the last few weeks:
a) The house is now flood blighted - it;s official. It can never be sold unless it is downgraded on the flood risk register. That won;t happen unless the Environment Agency effect some flood alleviation plan and downgrade us. Therefore it is now worth £0 and all my equity/pension etc has gone for a burton.
That sounds absolutely horrendous, no two ways about it I don't understand about the register, sorry. You're at high risk, so the price you'd want for the house is unreachable, is that right? And you couldn't get near the price you'd want unless there was a flood alleviation plan, which is unlikely cos of the cuts have I got that right? Thats a b*ggr......
b) The EA notifed me last week they are probably not going ahead with the flood alleviation plan owing to the costs involved (and the public sector cuts)...I now have to mobilise the residents as we intend to get a full debate on this as I think the Ea have got a lot of their facts and figures wrong....but I need to accept that my house is going to be worth zilch for a long time to come.
c) The Govt Spending review is abolishing most of my paying clients - I currently have no work and haven;t had for the last 6 months (whilst everything has been "on hold")....and will have no work going forwards...:(

It really seems clear from later on in your post, as well as from this, that your old way of living has become unsustainable - not just because of clients disappearing, but because of its effect on you.

I can;t relocate - because i can;t sell the house...and I cant rent as I would need to change the mortgage and both the valuation and the interest rate would now be carp.

I confess that when I rented out my London flat, and when I had lodgers in my first house, I never told the mortgage people. How can they know?

My personal spending review is going well - but is not helped by a £220 vet bill last week for Beech :eek:- plus another one forecast for exploratory surgery on him next week (he has a mass in his abdomen attached to either the spleen or the gut - this is going to be a tough call _pale__pale_).

As far as the spending review is going: The shopping bill is now spot on at £16.50 each week courtesy of Aldi, Lidl, Costco and the bulk freezer. I have organised "Christmas" and worked out a meagre budget for presents.I have vouchers from John Lewis, Tescos and money on Boots Advantage and Nectar to finance them.and I am looking at freebies if they are suitable for various people (have already got a freebie book for my niece and a freebie gardening ornament for a friend)..I am half way through designing my own personalised Xmas cards that will be emailed to save postage.
The telephone/broadband/Sky has been reviewed and the only real savings that can be made (we have no cable/digital etc so are limited in the suppliers) - are to be strict with my home phone and not go "over the hour" and to change my mobile to O2 so I can gas with Auntie Smashed to my heart's content . I can;t afford to change broadband as I lose my self-employed business email address and that;s not something I am prepared to do atm...if I get a full time job then i will change.

This week I am looking into gas/electric.

This sounds great! Definitely a bright spot.

Healthwise i am now up to date on prescriptions/meds etc.and have a pre-payment certificate which saves me loads....although at present I am having to spend £70 per week on (a) psychotherapy and (b) travelling to Chelmsford for my hand treatment - which incidentally is working well.

I have made a conscious decision to spend the rest of this year trying to change the way i have always approached life.....and not set myself so many targets, not beat myself up so much....and to spend time on doing things for me and the piggies rather than for any third party....and getting the finances sorted out so I know what I have to do going fowards next year in terms of a monthly SOA.

I am so pleased to see what you're writing here.... this is invaluable.

For 50 years my whole life has revolved around keeping other people happy at the expense of my own physical and mental wellbeing....and this is particularly relevant in deciding how I am going to earn an income (and save/restore my finances) going forwards

I can;t believe that before the flood i was often away from home 3-4 nights a week. I was getting up at 6am and not getting home til midnight and then having to feed the piggies, myself, do the chores, prior to getting up at 6am the following morning for another long drive..or rushing around at the weekends with ironing, washing gardening etc - it was all pressure pressure pressure time time time with no enjoyment..and a lot of beating myself up because i wasn;t getting everything done ..what a crazy way i was living. I lived for my employers......and the salary.....and my free time was spent doing stuff to keep other people happy (eg family and past friends)

When you actually write it down, doesn't it sound awful? I don't know how you coped with that.

So now I MUST start living for myself first and I need to learn how to do that. I need to develop routines that work for me in terms of time allowed, absence of stress....and I need to learn how to be more kind to myself. So at the moment, I am concentrating on living each day at a time - I am not worrying about the future (even tomorrow) - I am just sorting things out on a daily basis as the mood takes me and not beating myself up anymore. And then I will be able to understand the type of job/hours etc that will work for me going forwards.

And it seems to be working - I feel much more relaxed, my gut is behaving itself and I have started eating wheat again with no ill effects. The piggies are getting the attention they deserve and I am not being stressed out by the time required to look after them - in fact I am enjoying all the routine meds, cleaning out, feeding etc. For the first time I am turning hateful chores into pleasurable and enjoyable activities....because there is no deadline for them to be completed anymore. I am completely reorganising my living space....sorting out the ebay stuff, sorting out all the sewing, sorting out all the odd jobs and bigger projects that need to be done.....when the mood takes me. I am no longer cramming these tasks into a spare 5 minutes at some unearthly hour in the morning.

My creativity/entrepreneurial flare is really being given its voice for the first time..becasue it now has space to be heard without pressure or judgement..
I have been generating lots of ideas for other businesses and also have been reviewing how i market myself. I am also applying for full-time jobs......4 submissions to date with two possible interviews next week. ..so my biggest issue now is to tackle the monumental shattering of my confidence that has occurred over the last 3 years.

Always in the background is the nagging voice of my mother...and my critics/peers..... saying I have "wasted too much time already" and that I should "stop making a fuss and just get on with it and get a job". However I am now satisfed that I;ve proved that their "way" hasn;t brought me happiness to date...and if spending the next three months on no income means I can unlock the secret to finally being happy for the rest of my life - well frankly I think that is a small price to pay.

It's been a long and painful journey....and it;s not over yet. But for the first time in my life I DO believe I have finally found the right path. I am incredibly fortunate that i can afford to spend this time "contemplating my navel (as my mother would say;))..

.....or maybe all that running around for a high salary in the past was to give me a cushion for what's happening now? The Universe after all works in mysterious ways :cool:...go figure....

xxx

I haven't chipped in in the second half of your post because its beautiful :T:T:T The contrast between now and the past "running around for a high salary" is strong, isn't it? And I think its got to be, truthfully - when you live at an extreme thats damaging, I think the healing process has to be as strong in the opposite direction, before you can come to a healthy balance after you've healed. I hope that makes sense.

Its a difficult, difficult journey you're on, wol, but it does sound as though its already paying dividends. Likewise, I'm on a similar journey, not so extreme, maybe, but so many of the same issues - I wish I could connect with you more on the phone, but I'm not up to it, so I hope a connection on here will be some kind of substitute.

Thinking of you - and so glad you have Auntie Smashed to bounce off
:kisses3::kisses3: (for you and Smashed!)

Ellidee

Wol I - I wanted to say 'fab post' too but somehow it didn't seem quite appropriate- then I saw what KC said and she is right , the second half of your post IS beautiful - so optimistic and positive. Sending loads of positive vibes lovely lady. Fab post KC too ! xx

Nargleblast

Today, Wol, not only is it Halloween but also the start of a new year for those who follow older ways of thinking. May this be the start of a bright new year for you and a happier journey than those you've been on before.

Wol2

Hi all

Still hibernating a bit and still coming to terms with all the "developments". Been a bit low this week because of Beechie ..:(.and also because of a lot of family stuff, mainly phone calls etc connected with why I am not spending Xmas with any of them

Good news - I now have some work :j:j- the contract that was meant to be activated in May this year has suddenly been activated this month so for the next 6 months I can earn enough money to over my standard outgoings.:T:T (Good thing too as the job applications so far have not been successful )

These outgoings however don;t include vets bills - Beechie's new op will cost £250 :eek:...I have a couple of weeks to think about it as the vet reckons the mass is slow growing.....it's currently 4-5cm diameter :eek: - and I still don;t know what the best thing is to do for him. Do I risk the op .....(.with the possibility that either it isn;t the cause of the pain so he's no better off or doesn;t survive the op/anaesthetic or has problems with the 9cm long incision that will have to be made)....or do nothing and wait for the mass to start really causing him problems by which time it will probably be too late to operate? It may be in any case when he's opened up that there is nothing the vet can do to remove it and we just sew him back up and let nature take it;s course

I've been in tears most nights this week since talking to the vet on tuesday......although I have every confidence in the vet who is very very good with piggies/anaesthetics/ops..and normally wouldn;t have a problem entrusting one of my piggies to their care......for some reason I am absolutely petrified this time I am going to lose Beechie during this op because I just have this awful feeling..:(


Anyhow - More progress to report - I have finally broken my ebay cherry :T:T.....and spent last sunday posting all my golf stuff....(none has sold yet ). Today I summoned up the courage to post some collectable books on Amazon....another first :j. This weekend is another ebay free listing so I am going to do the "printer cartridge/PC/techie" section; the "musical instruments etc" section and put on some of the high value clothes stuff. Then I shall work my way through the "wallpapers". "perfumes etc", "clothes", "linens etc"......you get my drift. I also need to arrange some auction valuations before Xmas for some weird and wonderful stuff. I'm stil wondering what to do about all the paperbacks - green metropolis seems the best bet (or the charity shop)

I'm half way through sorting out re-organising the study....have a new bookcase upstairs I put together today (:)) and am currently working out what i can transfer upstairs and what i can put in the recycled paper waste.

I have a shed load of letters to write on behalf of the Flood forum (meeting held last week), plus a questionnaire to ascertain the real damage to the householders on property prices before we start tackling the various agencies and HM Gov :cool:

Lastly I had a whizzo idea about what to do with all the rejected oak flooboards sitting in piggie palace and spent quite a bit of time last week researching the market and putting a sketchy business plan together - but then realised I had got my sums wrong by a factor of 10..:o...so instead of a forecast profit of £17,000 (yep - I had got quite excited at this point .)....it's unfortunately going to work out at less than £1000 once marketing and labour costs are taken into account. Tooo risky for the amount of effort entailed so I'll just try and sell the oak to a reclamation company :cool:

Right - toddling off now to make sure the fireworks aren;t worrying the piggies and to carry on with the study sort-out


KC - hope you are now feeling a bit better - no worries - we will meet up/chat as and when......;)

Nargle - I have marked 1st Nov on the calendar as the start of the rest of my life :j

Taxi - have been lurking and so glad to see you are through the next lot of loopy juice - well done hun, stay strong - not long to go now :beer:

Beanie - hope you;re not being soaked out with all the rain that seems to be hitting you guys atm

El....thanks so much for the positive vibes...I'm pretty sure it;s working :D

And Angie - I know you don;t post much these days but thank you so much for your concern and I hope all is going well wtih you...and that the piggies are OK:)

Will be back soon
xxxx

beanielou

Keep plodding hun x

Karmacat

Hello Wol! Well, this sounds like its been another really tough week for you, and another big decision to be made about one of your beloved little companions. I don't know which way you're leaning, or if you have any sense of what feels right, but I'm sorry its so frightening this time - I wish I could take it away from you ....

You're juggling a lot tho - amazon and ebay! Timber business! Sorting the house big time! I'm listing *one* book, a collectable - otherwise I'm more or less abandoning it all, as I just don't have the space - there's a stack by the door for the charity shop, and thats that. Health, time, blah blah, boring myself witless about it all.

I'm glad you're giving yourself a bit of a break on here for a while - I couldn't do without this place, I really couldn't - just one thing at the moment - I can still communicate with people without using my voice, which gives out after about half an hour and thats without all the other stuff, both debtwise and supportwise.

Take care.

ZTD

Wol2 wrote: »

Still hibernating a bit and still coming to terms with all the "developments". Been a bit low this week because of Beechie ..:(.and also because of a lot of family stuff, mainly phone calls etc connected with why I am not spending Xmas with any of them

:grouphug:

The past has caught up with them, that's all. If people are unpleasant to others when they meet, family or not, then eventually they will no longer wish to spend time with them.

Simples.

Being unpleasant on the phone is an affirmation, not a contradiction.

Wol2 wrote: »

Good news - I now have some work :j:j- the contract that was meant to be activated in May this year has suddenly been activated this month so for the next 6 months I can earn enough money to over my standard outgoings.:T:T (Good thing too as the job applications so far have not been successful )

Don't give me - times are hard, and the uncertainty of things is making things harder. It's good you're earning money - well done with that! But don't stop the job hunting. Things may get harder.

Learned this week that another part of my organisation is facing job-cuts between 20% and 60%. Does make you wonder how long our bit can hold off the Grim Reaper...

Wol2 wrote: »

These outgoings however don;t include vets bills - Beechie's new op will cost £250 :eek:...I have a couple of weeks to think about it as the vet reckons the mass is slow growing.....it's currently 4-5cm diameter :eek: - and I still don;t know what the best thing is to do for him. Do I risk the op .....(.with the possibility that either it isn;t the cause of the pain so he's no better off or doesn;t survive the op/anaesthetic or has problems with the 9cm long incision that will have to be made)....or do nothing and wait for the mass to start really causing him problems by which time it will probably be too late to operate? It may be in any case when he's opened up that there is nothing the vet can do to remove it and we just sew him back up and let nature take it;s course

So it's 4-5 cm in a GP, what size would that be in a human?

Wol2 wrote: »

I've been in tears most nights this week since talking to the vet on tuesday......

:grouphug:

Wol2 wrote: »

although I have every confidence in the vet who is very very good with piggies/anaesthetics/ops..and normally wouldn;t have a problem entrusting one of my piggies to their care......for some reason I am absolutely petrified this time I am going to lose Beechie during this op because I just have this awful feeling..:(

:grouphug: