Don't want a 16th bithday celebration

HelenKA_2

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

I think this is exactly what happens a lot of the time. My daughter was once again rude to me last night so I switched the tv off, told her to leave her phone with me and sent her to her room. Not something I've done in a long, long time but it did end up with her knocking on my bedroom doo and apologising later. I don't know if it's really done any good but it made me feel better!

Yes and it was the first step.

I have said to my DD that I don't want to be at logger heads with her all the time but in order for all the family to get on there has to be some give and take and kindness on all sides, rather than this continual difficult/frosty/not pleasant atmosphere. It's making me tear up thinking about it, I have had this same conversation with mine.

The thing is at the stage they are they can feel that the whole world is against them and they have to fight their corner but it doesn't need to be like that if they would have some consideration for the others in the house.

So all the suggestions of saying a flat 'no' I'm afraid I don't think will get OP and DD on any kind of better footing, it will just give DD another thing that she feels resentful of.

Got to be quick someone else wants to use the lap top....

will be following the thread for a while yet.

skylight

Similar DD - you have to see what the look is on her face in the morning/when she comes home etc, before you even say hello because if you say it the wrong way...........

I said no. (She was 16 in April). I cannot afford it. Sorry. You've had lots of parties whilst growing up and your little sisters haven't had one yet so there will be one birthday party this year and it wont be yours. Really? I am a nasty Mum? Ok. You win. Sorry my darling. I'll let you have £100 for your birthday - present/party etc all out of that money, how about that? I'll give you the cash in 3 weeks when I have saved for it and see what you can get out of it - because that's your total limit. (I was going to give her the £100 anyway)


(She ended up with a few mates at an under 18s disco, a McDonalds and a new phone).

This is the same girl who threw a major wobbly as we were boarding a flight a few weeks ago and screamed that she wasn't coming etc, get away from me etc. I said "bye then, stay here forever in no-mans land. I have your passport in my bag and you are not legally allowed to go back the way you came anyway." and I boarded. She got on the plane after a few minutes.

balletshoes

skylight wrote: »

This is the same girl who threw a major wobbly as we were boarding a flight a few weeks ago and screamed that she wasn't coming etc, get away from me etc. I said "bye then, stay here forever in no-mans land. I have your passport in my bag and you are not legally allowed to go back the way you came anyway." and I boarded. She got on the plane after a few minutes.

:eek::eek: at the situation with a 16-year old - but applause for dealing with it the way you did!

fiscalfreckles

HelenKA wrote: »

Yes and it was the first step.

I have said to my DD that I don't want to be at logger heads with her all the time but in order for all the family to get on there has to be some give and take and kindness on all sides, rather than this continual difficult/frosty/not pleasant atmosphere. It's making me tear up thinking about it, I have had this same conversation with mine.

The thing is at the stage they are they can feel that the whole world is against them and they have to fight their corner but it doesn't need to be like that if they would have some consideration for the others in the house.

So all the suggestions of saying a flat 'no' I'm afraid I don't think will get OP and DD on any kind of better footing, it will just give DD another thing that she feels resentful of.

Got to be quick someone else wants to use the lap top....

will be following the thread for a while yet.

skylight wrote: »

Similar DD - you have to see what the look is on her face in the morning/when she comes home etc, before you even say hello because if you say it the wrong way...........

I said no. (She was 16 in April). I cannot afford it. Sorry. You've had lots of parties whilst growing up and your little sisters haven't had one yet so there will be one birthday party this year and it wont be yours. Really? I am a nasty Mum? Ok. You win. Sorry my darling. I'll let you have £100 for your birthday - present/party etc all out of that money, how about that? I'll give you the cash in 3 weeks when I have saved for it and see what you can get out of it - because that's your total limit. (I was going to give her the £100 anyway)


(She ended up with a few mates at an under 18s disco, a McDonalds and a new phone).

This is the same girl who threw a major wobbly as we were boarding a flight a few weeks ago and screamed that she wasn't coming etc, get away from me etc. I said "bye then, stay here forever in no-mans land. I have your passport in my bag and you are not legally allowed to go back the way you came anyway." and I boarded. She got on the plane after a few minutes.

Just wanted to say {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} to you both. Its horrible, isn't it?

VK-2008

it sounds like your dd is playing you to get what she wants.

if she doesnt want to spend time with you i would not bother

you should do something as a family

Nikkifran

Hi, just wanted to add that I, too, have this daughter! The one where you have to check her face before you even speak to her. She came downstairs the other day, "morning love", says I. And she just stared at me - never uttered a word! I know you shouldn't let them get away with the bad attitude and answering back etc etc but you also have to think about everyone else in the house. It's okay when the 15yr old and I have a blazing row, we don't have to speak to each other, but not so much fun for the 17yr old who's stuck in the middle. I'm afraid I tend to just tell her that her attitude is not acceptable and let her stomp up to her room until she gets over it. She also wants a huge birthday party for her 16th as her sister has just had one for her 21st (which she mostly paid for herself) but there's no way that's happening! I'm just waiting for her to leave school and start college next year as hopefully she will grow up a bit and grow out of this stage, fingers crossed!!

pinkshoes

fiscalfreckles wrote: »

She is very rude to me & has spent most of the school holidays at her boyfriend's house or out with friends. If I suggest we do something together, I am met with comments like "Why would I want to do something with YOU?!"

I was a pain in the derriere at that age, but had I ever said something so rude to my parents, I would have been expected to apologise before any party ideas would have been even considered, let alone agreed to.

I would just tell her that as she has already told you she hates spending time with you, then you consider yourself to be a cr*p parent, and thus wouldn't want to spoil her 16th by organising a cr*p party, but as she prefers her boyfriends family, then perhaps they will organise and pay for one for her?

(attempt to make her feel guilty, or at least consider her previous actions)