Freeloading friend.

miss_maid

bella*donna wrote: »

Thanks everyone, what a sensible bunch you lot are!

Talked it over with my OH last night. He can't stand my neighbour and was only being friendly for my sake. He knows I don't get out much and didn't want to upset me by slagging off someone he thought was my friend.

I felt sorry for her initially, it is her first time living away from her mum, but she gave me a whole sob story about her mum having many kids by many fathers and no time for her. Her dad has a new family and she only sees him a few times a year. I was easily taken in. I tried to help her where I could but I can definatley see she has taken advantage.

I have been withdrawing myself since Xmas, cos I really was appalled at the stealing from old ladies in her care. Maybe that is why she did get me the choccies for my birthday, cos she could see I was backing off. Her BF knocked on the door last night and asked to borrow husbands drill to put up a notice board in the kitchen. Husband said no. I will say hi when I see her and such - much easier to be neighbours that way. But no presents, help, etc.

I have also taken on board what some of you have said about my own house. You are right - if she can steal from people she is looking after, she can steal from me. I won't be allowing her in my house again.

Hi Donna,

I think you're doing the right thing, so well done for having the courage to say "no" :T. I know it can be hard dealing with people like her.

I echo what someone above said (sorry forget the name) about you being tarred as the same as her, as the saying goes - you can tell alot about someone by who they associate with - therefore you're doing the right thing by cutting her out. Good luck x

bella*donna

Hi Miss Maid,

Cheepskate and Paddys Mum both said the tarring with the same brush thing, and to be honest, that had never occurred to me before. I have lived here 3 years longer than her and like living here. I'd hate for anyone else to think I'm like that. Some of my other neighbours have commented on her in the past in a negative way, mostlyy cos she goes out in her pyjamas and her car tax was months out of date. I don't want people to think of me in the same way.

IIh189 and Hectors House, I hope both of you get your neighbour problems sorted soon. Its true, you don't know what people are like until you get to know them, and it's doublely hard when they are your neighbour cos it's harder to avoid them.

Hectors_House

bella*donna wrote: »

Hi Miss Maid,

Cheepskate and Paddys Mum both said the tarring with the same brush thing, and to be honest, that had never occurred to me before. I have lived here 3 years longer than her and like living here. I'd hate for anyone else to think I'm like that. Some of my other neighbours have commented on her in the past in a negative way, mostlyy cos she goes out in her pyjamas and her car tax was months out of date. I don't want people to think of me in the same way.

IIh189 and Hectors House, I hope both of you get your neighbour problems sorted soon. Its true, you don't know what people are like until you get to know them, and it's doublely hard when they are your neighbour cos it's harder to avoid them.

Thanks bella*donna

to be honest I've had worse done to me by a man (hence the years of counselling) so I just got out of the way to calm down and now avoid him.

He's a drunken old prat but with the lay-out of our houses it just means he has to walk/stumble past my house to get to and from his so it's best I do as you've done and not cause a scene with him even though I was really angry about it all.

I am a softy though and realise I'm going to be watching him slowly drink himself to death over the coming years (didn't someone once describe alcoholism as being suicide via the scenic route?).

Your neighbour sounds like she has a tough enough skin to have had this kind of thing happen to her before. Some folk are just users so I'm sure she'll take the hint if you both stand up to her.

paddy's_mum

The more I read about this so-called 'friend', the more clear it becomes that she is simply a criminal, and one of the lowest kind to boot!

Belladonna - if you go back and read your own words in this thread, you will see that she steals all the time, from everyone with whom she comes into contact.

She steals from helpless little old ladies, she steals from us all with the car offences, she steals from her friend (you), she steals their good reputation from her employers, and she steals from her family members by trashing them to you. She hasn't even got the good sense to keep her trap shut about any of it.

I'm pleased that you recognise the dangers and now propose to create distance. However unfair, people do judge you by the company you keep. Haven't you ever wondered how some of these sickos manage to find others of the same ilk, like Brady and Hindley, or Ian Huntley and Maxine Carr? The mechanics of it are succinctly expressed in the old saying "birds of a feather flock together". They test the waters in the same way that this piece of scum has done - they tell you some minor wrong that they've done and see whether you are shocked and withdraw. When you don't, that is their passport to revealing other, more grave things.

She has played you like a fish on the line but you are about to show her that she has hooked a piranha! Well done but keep an eye on your own belongings

sashadesade

paddy's_mum wrote: »

The more I read about this so-called 'friend', the more clear it becomes that she is simply a criminal, and one of the lowest kind to boot!

Belladonna - if you go back and read your own words in this thread, you will see that she steals all the time, from everyone with whom she comes into contact.

This is true. If she'll steal from the vunerable (the elderly) and the good natured and trusting (the people at the farm shop), who won't she steal from?

Glad to hear you're not going to pander to her OP, remember that if you give her an inch she's going to take a mile.

bella*donna

paddy's_mum wrote: »

The more I read about this so-called 'friend', the more clear it becomes that she is simply a criminal, and one of the lowest kind to boot!

Belladonna - if you go back and read your own words in this thread, you will see that she steals all the time, from everyone with whom she comes into contact.

She steals from helpless little old ladies, she steals from us all with the car offences, she steals from her friend (you), she steals their good reputation from her employers, and she steals from her family members by trashing them to you. She hasn't even got the good sense to keep her trap shut about any of it.

I'm pleased that you recognise the dangers and now propose to create distance. However unfair, people do judge you by the company you keep. Haven't you ever wondered how some of these sickos manage to find others of the same ilk, like Brady and Hindley, or Ian Huntley and Maxine Carr? The mechanics of it are succinctly expressed in the old saying "birds of a feather flock together". They test the waters in the same way that this piece of scum has done - they tell you some minor wrong that they've done and see whether you are shocked and withdraw. When you don't, that is their passport to revealing other, more grave things.

She has played you like a fish on the line but you are about to show her that she has hooked a piranha! Well done but keep an eye on your own belongings

You are right. It wasn't until I actually started thinking about all these things, and kinda put them together in my mind, that I realised just how much about her bothers me. As many people have pointed out, I don't need that type of person as a friend.

When I first posted this thread, I was expecting someone to say that you shouldn't give gifts expecting things back, etc, but actually writing the things down and re-reading my own posts has made me realise that I have let myself be taken advantage of. I always try to see the best in people and treat others how I wish to be treated.

I'm very gratefull to all who replied for making me think. It started as a birthday present question, but has made me realise so much more.

Cheers guys!!!

property.advert

She's scum as is her other half. Don't have anything to do with them anymore, just always be too busy and have a head full of viable excuses.