Freeloading friend.

Janey3

What happened to the nightie she was going to wrap up for you for Christmas?

She's playing on your kind nature.

I would give her a birthday card and small present for her birthday, then call it a day, and make yourself scarce when she comes calling again.

Ladyhawk

I am really surprised at people suggesting giving her a present and a card for her birthday. What kind of message is that? I am sure that OP has better things to spend a fiver on than this awful woman. And if she does ask where her present is, jus be firm and say that you have decided notto do presents this year. And leave it at that. You don't nee to explain yourself to her. Be polite and civil and no more.

She just sounds dreadful! I can't stand thiefs!

Zazen999

I was going to get you a present but some skank stole it.

And never contact her again!

bestpud

I think you will struggle to cut her out of your life overnight tbh, because you are simply too nice!

Some could manage it but you would find it very hard and would likely buckle quite quick - a disaster with someone like this as they then know your weak spot.

Sooo, imo, you need to gradually step back in a way that you can cope with.

If you can manage to 'forget' or 'postpone' buying a card then do so, but be prepared for many hints and perhaps direct questions about it! She will give up eventually but I fear it will take a while.

Otherwise, go for just a card and do the same for Christmas. Don't ask her opinion - just do it.

Is your OH tougher than you? Would he find it easier to refuse to do jobs, or postpone them indefinitely? Or, if he's of the same mind, you could take it in turns to deal with her?

If you are consistent, she will eventually get the message, but once you've cut out something, don't restart it, no matter what!

Good luck!

Bufger

For her birthday i'd go and steal from her house and garden, maybe she'd see the other side to it then

Give her nothing but do what you can to prevent her becoming a nasty neighbour. You dont want/need friends like that so go back to just being neighbours.

cheepskate_2

bella*donna wrote: »

She works as an in home carer for the elderly, and got fired from her last job just after Xmas for suspected stealing. She was arrested, but the police had no evidence so the case was dropped.

She even gets her eggs from a farm up the road that sells at their entrance with an honesty box. She just takes the eggs and does not pay. She also stole all her garden stuff from pubs and other peoples front gardens!

Ignoring presents etc.

Is this the type of people you want to be friends with- thiefs-

You will be tagged with the same brush as her once people in your area start seeing what she is like.

If she can steal (ok , so no proof but... ) from vulranable old people then she will be able to do it from you.

People who steal from other people are not trustworthy.

Get rid of her before you are tarred the same.

Mrs_Optimist

OP, people do to you what you let them.

If you are unhappy with the situation, harden up and cut her out of your life.

She is no loss, someone like that survives by leeching off someone elses good nature, don't let her leech off yours any longer.

No card, no present. If she asks why not, relay to her what you have told us. Life is too short to be miserable.

I have had similar experiences in the past, but woke up, smelt the coffee and cut them out of my life. "friends" like that are in my past, and not my present or future for a reason. You know what? they are no loss.

bella*donna

Thanks everyone, what a sensible bunch you lot are!

Talked it over with my OH last night. He can't stand my neighbour and was only being friendly for my sake. He knows I don't get out much and didn't want to upset me by slagging off someone he thought was my friend.

I felt sorry for her initially, it is her first time living away from her mum, but she gave me a whole sob story about her mum having many kids by many fathers and no time for her. Her dad has a new family and she only sees him a few times a year. I was easily taken in. I tried to help her where I could but I can definatley see she has taken advantage.

I have been withdrawing myself since Xmas, cos I really was appalled at the stealing from old ladies in her care. Maybe that is why she did get me the choccies for my birthday, cos she could see I was backing off. Her BF knocked on the door last night and asked to borrow husbands drill to put up a notice board in the kitchen. Husband said no. I will say hi when I see her and such - much easier to be neighbours that way. But no presents, help, etc.

I have also taken on board what some of you have said about my own house. You are right - if she can steal from people she is looking after, she can steal from me. I won't be allowing her in my house again.

Mutter_2

"Husband said NO." :beer: :T :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Hectors_House

Unfortunately it often takes time to find out what a neighbour can be like and by then you've opened yourself up and been friendly to them .

I have an older couple two doors down who seemed lovely when we first moved in.

We did notice that the chap was a heavy drinker but it took being invited to a BBQ for us to realise the real problems.

Unfortunaly the chap opened up to me once when he found me having a quiet pint in our local and told me he was afraid his drinking was killing him and would I support him if he went into some kind of treatment.

I've been through years of counselling (not for alcoholism) so said, yes, as a friend I would as long as he told his wife I was getting involved.

It turns out he uses his drinking as a screen to mask some pretty off behaviour and turned up drunker then normal about three hours into the BBQ and embarressed his wife by making sexual comments to her younger colleagues/friends.

I found out afterwards that he's also told his wife, daughter and my sister that I'd asked him to have an affair with me and had been pestering him for sex.

Now, I understand that some of his behaviour comes from the drink and not being able to keep his thoughts straight but I was so angry I took myself off to my partners for a few days to calm down.

And of course, like you I am now stuck with figuring out how to deal with them as neighbours.

I feel sorry for his wife but guess she is used to this kind of stuff from him as he admitted to me having an affair a few years ago with one of his students.

I just avoid him now and if I see him out walking his dogs I cross the road whether he's seen me or not.

Anyway, as you can see from my story neighbours can be odd!

Stick to your guns and I'm glad you have your hubby's support in dealing with the awful woman!!!