Freeloading friend.

bella*donna

sara86pink wrote: »

I would get her a card and a present to the similar value to the chocolates, there is no need to get her anything more expensive. It sounds like you are a much better friend to her than she is to you so she doesnt deserve a 'better' present.

It really does sound like she could be taking advantage and not realising at the time but maybe thinking to herself later on 'oh yeah I remember that now...' but then chooses to do nothing with it.

I would distance yourself from her so the friendship is still there so everything is still civil (nothing worse than an awkward neighbour!) but she no longer has to 'depend' on you.

Good luck

I could get her something cheap, but after reading what some of you guys think, I think that would be a mistake. If I try to distance myself from her, surely it's better to not encourage her with a birthday present.

I think I'm a bit of a soft touch and need to toughen up a bit!

paddy's_mum

How do you know that she stole eggs and other items? Please - you're not going to say that she had the barefaced cheek to tell you, are you? :eek:

If she did, what on earth made you believe that her "friendship" was real or had any validity when her own actions shout that she has no respect or concern for anyone ... and that she would be perfectly happy to steal from you given even half a slice of a glimmer of a chance. She already is, if you assess the number of things accepted and never returned nor reciprocated.

I think you've been more than naive and should/could now find a reason to distance yourself. If she asks, you could say that, quite simply, you find her lack of honesty a total turn-off. It's only someone with the hide of a rhino who would keep on in the face of that dead end.

southoftheriver

Just wondering whether you have ever actually told her no? If you are making yourself open to her then she may take advantage. Calling her on her behaviour would put paid to it pretty quickly i'd imagine.

Mutter_2

There's a big difference between being short of money and stealing eggs and plants, and how dare the BF complain he didn't get the beer!
I wouldn't be surprised if some suspect she did the above, and you sound far to decent for them to associate you with her.
Up to you, but I wouldn't buy a thief a card or a gift. Maybe your chocs weren't paid for either!

Fang_3

I wouldn't get her anything. Just make yourself and your husband consistently unavailable so you can't do anything for or with her. If she rings, ignore it and then if she continues to ring, wait for it to stop and then just send a text saying: "Who is this?" and then when she responds, just say: "Oh right. Lost all my numbers. Have been really busy." and leave it at that. If she comes around then ignore the door the first few times, but have a pile of paperwork ready and waiting so if she does continue to knock, you can grab it, with a pen, and glasses hanging off your nose for effect, answer the door, look very busy and say: "Sorry, it's not convenient. We're both too busy."

After a few weeks of this treatment she'll back off.

bella*donna

paddy's_mum wrote: »

How do you know that she stole eggs and other items? Please - you're not going to say that she had the barefaced cheek to tell you, are you? :eek:

If she did, what on earth made you believe that her "friendship" was real or had any validity when her own actions shout that she has no respect or concern for anyone ... and that she would be perfectly happy to steal from you given even half a slice of a glimmer of a chance. She already is, if you assess the number of things accepted and never returned nor reciprocated.

I think you've been more than naive and should/could now find a reason to distance yourself. If she asks, you could say that, quite simply, you find her lack of honesty a total turn-off. It's only someone with the hide of a rhino who would keep on in the face of that dead end.

I'm afraid she did tell me she stole eggs. I was having coffee and they were on the side in the kitchen. I said they were nice and big and asked where she got them and she was quite upfront about it, as she was when she told me about the old ladies money after Xmas.

I guess I have been naive, but I honestly haven't met anyone like this before. I don't have many friends and was glad of someone close by to have chats with.

I have told her no in the past, but its like water off a ducks back. Am going to heed all this good advice and definately keep my distance in future. Who needs friends like this?!?!?

bella*donna

southoftheriver wrote: »

Just wondering whether you have ever actually told her no? If you are making yourself open to her then she may take advantage. Calling her on her behaviour would put paid to it pretty quickly i'd imagine.

I did call on the Xmas present thing a few weeks after Xmas. She told me she had no money to buy me a present and she'd get me one when she could afford it. I said that I had been the one who just wanted to do cards and she said she had every intention of getting me something so not to be silly.

I'm a mug!

paddy's_mum

A week or so ago, in another thread, I made the comment that someone was trying to "lie down with pigs but come up smelling of roses". She clearly believes that your niceness will prevent you being horrified by her actions. In effect, your friendship becomes a kind of passport to acceptance among your neighbours. Perhaps you need to ask yourself whether, once her dishonesty and immorality becomes known among your neighbours and friends, you might get tainted by being closely associating with her and her equally grasping boyfriend?

You know those d-i-y things your husband did? I'd bet money that within half a mile of you, there is some poor old soul who deserves your help but would never have the courage to ask.

Just as something for you to think about - where are this couple's family and friends? Why aren't they stepping forward with offers of d-i-y, loans, practical support ... ?

T

llh189

I sympathise completely with you.

I would suggest no card!

Potted history of my situation, after renting for 4 years, older (42) single women moved next door, as I was kind of single we became friends and now I rue the day she moved in. I am now seriously viewing new places to rent at approximately £200 per month more!

I have a history of issues, borrowing milk, sugar, teabags, coke, none of which were ever replaced, took my garden lounger when I was away, when I came home she was sat in it in her garden, we'd go to the local - she never travelled with cash, so I always settled up, Christmas I bought her an Animal hat and scarf set, chocs and some wine, I got a small bottle of Tesco value Gin. Had her for dinner countless times (take away or home cooked ) I have never been asked there, have driven her on nights out, I wasn't invited but she couldn't afford £20 cabs but never even offered me £5 for petrol, numerous times I have looked after her dog without barely a thank you in return!

I have no privacy in my own home, as our gardens are attached she always shouts stuff over the fence, over the weekend I went out 6 times, to the car or wheellie bin or water my pots and everytime she came out to talk to me. I have to chat on the phone with the windows shut or she recalls part of my conversations to me.

She lurches from one emotional crisis to the next, after yet another one night stand, 25 year old bloke who she picked up wanted to leave, she refused to take him home, so I ended up taking him on a 30 mile round trip home - both of us were mortified, she on the other hand laughed it off. She tells everyone my business and ruined a potential relationship as she relayed something I told her in confidence.

This potted history is just the tip of the iceberg :-(

I a now moving and trying to cut this women out of my life - I have realised the hard way that some people are users and liars and that these people should be kept at arms length. The unfortunate thing is that you don't know what people are like until you let them in to your life but I would start removing yourself, slowly yet surely.

sashadesade

bella*donna wrote: »

I'm a mug!

No you're not, you're just a nice person who's had the misfortune to get stuck with this user!
I can assure you this woman does not see you as a friend, just someone she can get stuff out of. Give her nothing for her birthday, and if she mentions it just act embarrassed and say you must have forgotten and are a bit short of money just now. After that just be polite and say hello in the street and things, but don't give her anything (absolutely positively do not give her money) and don't let your husband do her odd jobs - as if she can't hang a mirror herself! When she realises she's not getting anymore out of you she'll drift away and leave you alone eventually.