Please help! toddler with really bad hitting problem

Chakani

Amiya, you are not at all stupid, and it is very difficult when you have to do all the disciplining because you're the one who's there.

You've recognised that there is something that is causing a problem, you've tried the ways you know, and when they've not worked, you have asked for help. That, in my book, makes you a sensible and intelligent parent.

On threads like these there will always be lots of strong opinions, and there are lots of ways of approaching a problem, so you will never get everyone agreeing. Don't let that knock your confidence. Just pick the suggestion you think will best suit you, and give it a good try, say for a month. If it doesn't work for you, have a look back and try a different one.

mrcow

sassy-one wrote: »

Your GP would be a good place to start

Go speak to him/her

They will advise the best course of action

Good luck and hope all is sorted speedy

A GP would be a ridiculous place to start. What on Earth makes you think that a GP would have any parenting experience? Or that they'd wish to discuss it with the general public when they are supposed to be doing their job?

It's people wasting GP's time like this that means normal people can't get the appointments they need in effective time.

pulliptears

When DD did it I'd bellow "NO!" so loudly half of Stoke stopped what they were doing and I'd inevitably have to peel her off the ceiling Thankfully (for my neighbours) I didn't have to do it often. In hindsight I reckon my street must have thought it was permanently Christmas as DD's name is Eleanor and I seemed to have a phase where all I did was shout "NO EL!"

shays_mum

Quote amiya:
And the weird thing is not a single kid hits her back ever even the much older ones.

Mate its only a matter of time & then you might not be dealing with someone who will shrug it off . If she is defiant you need to see the triggers as to why?. Is is attention seeking, is she tired/hungry/bored?, is that she doesn't know to interact & gets excited & then gets violent, is she used to having her way in the house?. You need to get to the route & then deal with it, else someone else will, be it a school teacher/another parent.
If she hit my kids, i am not going to stand around & say oh well! & forget it, my children are raised not to bully or hit & i would not take bad manners from someone else's kids!
Sorry if i sound harsh, but i have a niece who was just like this & she is on report - aged 5!!!!

meritaten

amiya wrote: »

I'm 22 (I know I'm stupid at this parenting stuff) and yeah my husband helps as much as possible but these situations arise when he's at work. other than this one problem she's really good, eats and sleeps well, very affectionate, even started potty training recently. she's the type of kid who's very high spirited and can't sit still, and I feel so ashamed when she hits others trust me I really don't try laughing it off or ignoring it

I WASNT suggesting that you laughed it off amiya. you obviously get very upset judging by your post - I was merely pointing out that if you remove the child and say honestly why you are taking your child away, then the other parents will respond positively! I am very sorry if it came across as criticism.........it wasnt meant that way!
Stop putting yourself down! you are a loving caring parent and you must be doing something right or you wouldnt be able to say what you did in the first paragraph of this quote.
you have a problem in ONE area with your child - its not YOUR fault and you have asked for help. sounds like a good mum to me!
now, relax a bit hun!
in social situations you should keep a close eye on her, any indication of rising anger and you swoop in and remove her for a few minutes. if she has hit, then you remove her permanently if you can. if not then at least five minutes 'time out' or until she is calm again. make sure she apologises to the child. its also a good idea to train children that a shouted 'NO' from you means they should freeze and stop whatever they are doing. lol, very handy this one........you start by making a game of it (anyone remember the game 'statues'? the cbeebies prog 'show me, show me, also does a version where everyone dances then poi or chris shouts 'freeze' and they all stand still!). work from there and make it fun for her but do it until she automatically freezes when you shout the key word!

I hope this helps hun.

the_cat

When my children were young, a knowledgeable relative once said to me:

'Up until the age of at least 3years, you are basically dealing with a small, cute 'animal' with the intellect of a trainable dog.' Now this sounded a bit weird and also none too polite to my child, but the theory kind of works I think

If you had a dog who had bitten someone, would discussing it's actions work? Obviously not! No, you would sternly reprimand it verbally if it did so and remove it from the area immediately. You would also be on the lookout to warn it sternly if you thought it was about to 'kick off' to prevent it doing so

If these actions did not help it to see it's actions as undesirable you would probably decide on a measured physical punishment to reinforce (not to punish)

Until your dd is a bit older, these are the only types of influence you have on offer. She simply does has not matured enough to be reasoned with or to understand the consequences of her actions. She cannot grasp why she mustn't hit, she simply needs to accept that she is not allowed to

Good luck!

far2812

When my little girl went through that faze - I suddenly realised that it is frustration - she cannot express herself properly - I tried all of the above and in the end I sat her down very calmly (after profusely apologising to another child and parent) and asked her what the problem was!

As with every 2 year old - it was something extremely minor but it is the end of the world to them - you HAVE to teach her to express herself in a different way! I know 2 is still a baby but I think this is what the matter with her is.

When you are calm - explain that biting is NOT ALLOWED EVER! and if she feels angry you need to help her find another way to express her frustration!

Really really hard situation I know!

Loopy_Girl

mrcow wrote: »

A GP would be a ridiculous place to start. What on Earth makes you think that a GP would have any parenting experience? Or that they'd wish to discuss it with the general public when they are supposed to be doing their job?

It's people wasting GP's time like this that means normal people can't get the appointments they need in effective time.

So if you have depression do you not go to your GP? In case they have 'no experience'? Or snoring issues? Or weight issues?

The OP is a normal person and her daughter is showing some behavioural issues for which by accessing the GP, she may be able to get referred.

No one is saying the GP will offer advice (or they may just be able to) but I'm sure part of their job is being able to hep patients get appropriate help/support.

mrcow

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

So if you have depression do you not go to your GP? In case they have 'no experience'? Or snoring issues? Or weight issues?

The OP is a normal person and her daughter is showing some behavioural issues for which by accessing the GP, she may be able to get referred.

No one is saying the GP will offer advice (or they may just be able to) but I'm sure part of their job is being able to hep patients get appropriate help/support.

:rotfl: if it wasn't so :eek:


Oh my goodness!

Have you seriously any clue what you are talking about?

You are saying that not only do you now want the OP to waste a GP's time, but now you also want them to be "referred" - wasting even more time of further medical professionals and associated support/administration staff?

This is a one year old child who is doing what every other one year old child does. Pushing boundaries. A bit of common sense and putting your foot down will more than likely resolve it.

You know......common sense?.......that thing that all of us are supposedly born with, but which some seem to never think to apply?

RAS

far2812 wrote: »

When my little girl went through that faze - I suddenly realised that it is frustration - she cannot express herself properly - I tried all of the above and in the end I sat her down very calmly (after profusely apologising to another child and parent) and asked her what the problem was!

This may be an issue - or she could have discovered that other kids will drop a toy or whatever she wants, so it works for her.

OP, there is a book called "how to talk to children so they listen and how to listen when they talk" or a similar long-winded title. Well worth is as it deals with early communication.