Please help! toddler with really bad hitting problem

ellay864

amiya wrote: »

lol thanks for that. I took her park a little while ago before we went I told her 50 times in 2 different languages don't hit or we're coming home. Only naughty thing she did today is nick someones hat :T. sat next to other kids and everything and was really nice. now lets see if it'll work tomorrow at the centre and with my nephew.

The fact that you've said you told her many times not do it or we're coming home suggests you didn't actually take her home! Like all the other posters have said, you MUST have a real 'threat' that you'r prepared to carry out. Just make sure it won't fall too bad on you...I threateneed my 3yr old with no McDonalds for tea (was a treat day) or we go back and eat at home. 3yr old did just what he'd been told not to, I carried out threat which meant driving home deafened by screams and then on top of all that I had to cook!! Next time it was 'no Happy Meal, no toy' lol
Glad to hear she was better today though, make sure you really praise the positive as wll and she'll get the message

shays_mum

Ok i am sure i am going to be shouted down, but a short slap on their little bottoms or hands wouldn't go amiss.:o
You can't reason with a child that young, its in one ear & out the other, they need to know if they do this, they will get the same back!.
Its only a matter of time before they will be in the school system & other people will not tolerate their kids being hurt for whatever reason, best to stop it in its tracks now!

ellay864

Shay's mum - I'm sure you've said what a lot are thinking lol
My friends toddler went through a bad biting phase - just grabbed other kids and bit their hands usually. She didn't believe in smacking herself but admitted she was actually quite glad when another kid bit her lad back and it did the trick!

mrcow

amiya wrote: »

I am actually really firm with her, sometimes I feel like I'm overdoing it too (with the looks I get)
when she hits someone I grab her hand quickly (have to or she'd do serious damage) and say 'stop' or 'dont hit' and I make her say sorry and 'be nice' (give the child a pat/rub or something whilst saying nice). She knows its naughty and the other day I brought her home from the park because she started hitting children.

The thing is, what is she learning here? In her mind......."I hit someone and Mum comes over and fusses over us". Sounds like a good ploy to get attention.

I would go for a loud "no" and immediate removal. There should be no attention given to her.

You shouldn't have to tell her so many times - to me, that's kind of setting the expectation that you're jalmost expecting her to slip up. Just make it clear before you go out, "If you hit anyone or are naughty whilst we are out, you will be back in the car". And stick with it. You may have to come through on the promise and actually leave places sometimes, and yes, it's irritating but it's so important to set the rules.

It's awful when you have to tell a child off. No one likes doing it....it would be so much nicer if they were all perfectly behaved, but unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

I do know that I'm tough as a Mum, if I say something I mean it - and everyone knows that, but I've always had a zero tolerance attitude to violence/backchat/screaming etc and it's honestly never let me down. Even children who (if I'm being truthful) run rings around their own parents will behave for me and like being around me.....not because I'm some sort of ogre, but because they know where the boundaries are (all children test them) and so they feel comfortable about who is in charge.

It's nothing to do with your Dad by the way. What's that all about?

pigpen

amiya wrote: »

I am actually really firm with her, sometimes I feel like I'm overdoing it too (with the looks I get)
when she hits someone I grab her hand quickly (have to or she'd do serious damage) and say 'stop' or 'dont hit' and I make her say sorry and 'be nice' (give the child a pat/rub or something whilst saying nice). She knows its naughty and the other day I brought her home from the park because she started hitting children. Some days shes perfect but most of the times she starts playing up like this after a while. Before we go anywhere I explain to her LOADS that she must be nice and she's not allowed to hit at all and its like she understands completely (shes very vocal), she does understand the concept of pain and hurting etc.
It feels like she just likes to see their reaction because of the way she eyes them up.

I haven't properly tried the naughty corner yet, I tried it the other day but my dad went completely bonkers on me.

and..

I try taking her to children centres or the park everyday or every other day so she is around kids. and I'm usually at my mums house (live very nearby) so she's near my 9 year old brother a lot too.

Stuff what your dad thinks.. tell him to butt out.. she cannot think it is ok to hurt other people. Timeout only needs to be 5 minutes of sitting.. no wailing or moving or talking..

Children are not aware other people feel pain the same as they do until they are about 8 so telling her she is hurting them is pretty useless.

If you have already told her lots of times if she is naughty you will go home.. go home.. the first time.. not after she has hurt/injured a few children.. one strike and out.. bringing her home from the park after hitting children shows you don't carry out the punishment until she has been told a few times.

Consistency is the rule!!

Lance

I do believe that a smack is quite in order when after all other methods have been tried the child continues to smack others. Perhaps knowing what it feels like will educate the child concerned and show that above all other naughty behaviour this will be dealt with firmly. Some will say the child will not understand but luckily there is very little you need to understand about a smack, the child will know when it smacks it risks getting smacked back and that can hurt.

jtr2803

My daughter bit me once, I bit her back...she never did it again.

She pulled my hair once, I pulled hers back......she never did it again.

My daughter is 10 next week and is so polite and thoughtful, just goes to show that 'physcial' discipline doesn't have to be huge to be effective and it certainly hasn't affected her growing up. When I was young I only remember being smacked twice but we were always getting taps on the hand - we learnt!!

pigpen

I got hit with a wide leather belt.. I am STILL a little !!!!!! lol.. or maybe I just liked it. I didn't actually care, you become immune to it after a while and just have no respect for the person doing the slapping.

I do slap mine occasionally.. when all other avenues have been exhausted.

paddy's_mum

Nobody - but NOBODY - would be faster than me to grab the arm of someone whaling the tar out of their kids. However, I do believe that there is a substantial grain of truth in the opinion expressed to me many years ago by my health visitor ...

there comes a time when the only way forward is the Hand of Knowledge applied to the Seat of Learning.

pigpen

I agree there is a time and place.. and knowing when it is appropriate etc..