MoneyMoral Dilemma: Should I make my friend pay for the vase?

Clareplum

It is all very well and good to know how much the vase is worth, what I would advise in this situation is to weigh up the value of your friendship, for by asking her to pay, especially at a time of financial hardship for her, will most certainly put a strain on the relationship with your friend and you may both struggle to recover from this. Hope this helps.:)

pennypinchUK

It's irrelevant who asked who to clean your house. And if it was me and you tried to dock my wages I'd give you a swift piece of my mind - after all, who's to tell whether the vase was positioned safely to start, or it may already have been weakened by a previous knock, and I'd love to hear your argument about how valuable it actually was.

I think we can all assume you're not paying employers National Insurance and she's not declaring the cash earned! So you're on your own on this one.

If you'd employed a professional cleaning company they would claim under their insurance. Looks like you'll have to claim off your household insurance. And don't even think about trying to dock the wages of your friend to pay the insurance excess! Otherwise, you'll lose your friend very quickly....

Denis11

In today's world is quite easy to jump down the back of someone's throat and ask for damages whether they broke in your expensive vase or smashed into your new car, your new car would have been covered by insurance, so you are okay in that scenario.

Regarding the vase, how do you feel in your heart, does it tell you through your intuition to go easy upon your friend, or does the mind, the ego want to extract some kind of revenge, (payments) surely in this day and age when they so much material wealth around we can let things go which is not life or death threatening. But as always, the choice is yours. This is just my feedback seeing it from a different perspective. Blessings to you all

m13r13c13

No your not, I can not understand why they even let her in the house after the baby-sitting incident.

Shaggers

guineapig wrote: »

If she was a friend, then the first words out of her mouth should have been "sorry, I broke your vase, I will replace it for you".

I would be much more upset that she ( as a friend) didn't have the good manners to OFFER to replace it.

She asked YOU to employ HER and she doesn't feel the NEED to at least appologise & offer ( regardless of if you want to replace it).

Manners maketh(wo)man as the saying goes!

People with no manners rarely end up being good friends as life is all about "them".

This seems to be the closest response to my own thoughts. I don't see any real difference between whether she broke it as a cleaner or a visitor, except that as a cleaner she should have been concentrating on NOT breaking anything!

She should have instantly offered to replace it, even if she couldn't do so immediately due to finances, but if she didn't then it's awkward to bring it up after the event. I don't subscribe to the school of 'friends are worth more than vases' as a good friend wouldn't hesitate to offer a replacement; it's a question of manners not money, and purely your choice as to whether you would accept such an offer. Did she even apologise? You didn't say.

gaily

Just having read all these opinions, it suddenly struck me....

If you've had to ask the question of should you dock her wages, everything else is a bit immaterial. You didn't - as a friend - get the response that you needed from her in the first place - ie OMG I'm so sorry, let me replace it.

The vase is a bit irrelevant - it could have been a mug, or a ming - but the response from a true friend would be of remorse, and replacement. After that it's up to you to decide how to act, based on the value of the vase, the sentiment, and the friendship.

I hope you have a chance to laugh about this together for many years to come.

cakeordeath_2

I'd have to decide which was worth more, the vase or the friendship....and to be honest I don't know of a vase that valuable.

margo1

Nosmig wrote: »

1. If the vase was that expensive, it should have been insured
2. Accidents happen, however sad the consequences.
3. What if you'd done your own cleaning and broken the vase; who would you go for?
4. What if an accident caused injury to you or your friend - what would you do then?
5. If you were lonely would you rather have a vase or a friend?

Point 5 spot on

MadMom

What if you had broken the vase yourself? If it was that valuable that you genuinely would put in an insurance claim (excesses and higher premiums aside) then that is what you should do now - not expect your friend to fork out.
If, on the otherhand, you would have just shrugged it off as "accidents happen, move on" then that is what you should do now.

Trish906

No! Of course you shouldn't ask her to pay for the vase, she is a friend after all.
How would you feel if the position was reversed?
Also, do you value your friendship so little as to even think in this way?
If you think that she owes you money then she is really an aquaintance and not a friend, because, a true friend would never have been in this dilemma in the first place.
Whatever your decision, just remember that 'things' can be replaced, but a true friend is priceless.:o