MoneyMoral Dilemma: Should I make my friend pay for the vase?

RuthnJasper

guineapig wrote: »

If she was a friend, then the first words out of her mouth should have been "sorry, I broke your vase, I will replace it for you".

I would be much more upset that she ( as a friend) didn't have the good manners to OFFER to replace it.

She asked YOU to employ HER and she doesn't feel the NEED to at least appologise & offer ( regardless of if you want to replace it).

Manners maketh(wo)man as the saying goes!

People with no manners rarely end up being good friends as life is all about "them".

I used to work at the school which has your quoted saying as its motto. Terribly ironic that the appalling attitudes of some senior staff led to a nervous breakdown for me...:(

Anyway - there's no proof that the cleaner did not apologise or offer to pay for the vase; she quite possibly did - but the question is about the finances.

Whatever happens to the OP and her friend, I think there's going to be awkward feelings for a while to come... Hope they can sort it out and remain friends. x

newtothemoneytips

I was in a similar but awkward situation. I love my friend but she has no common sense, and it really winds my husband up. She came over to see me, and proceeded to dye her hair black in my living room, on my wooden floor. I was a bit taken aback by the lack of "can i dye my hair here" and when I asked her to do it in the bathroom, she told me she would be bored and "needs" to watch TV or she gets upset. She then tried to balance a decorative mirror against my quite expensive tv, and tried five times despite my husband saying - "dont do that, that will break the TV." Seeing that she wouldnt move, I got her a sheet to put on the floor so that she wouldnt damage my floor, as the house is also rented. She didnt use it, and when she flicked her head back, my floor, white walls and leather sofa were then sprayed with black hair dye. I, was very upset and my husband was lost for words. I received no apology, and she watched me (considering I have a physical disability as well) get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor. She just watched me. It took me forty minutes with everything in my cupboard to get most of it off, I had to repaint the wall at a later date. When I left the room, she said to my husband - "Do you think she is annoyed at me?" and then left the house without saying a word to me. She came back a week later and asked if I was going to apologise to her for making her uncomfortable in my house.



After that long story (sorry) - if your friend is inconsiderate about the whole thing, ask to replace. Did she stand there and watch you clean up the shards? Was she sorry? (i hope so, but my experience of a long term friendship would say its not always the case!)


On another matter, before this incident I also asked this woman to look after my children for the evening so I could actually go out (I struggle to afford childcare). When I came back the house was a mess and my children were hungry, I asked her what had happened. She said she couldnt be bothered to get up from the sofa to tidy her mess up (one example - She put her used plate under my sofa and left it there) and that she expected my eldest son to feed them. Hes not even in high school yet. Needless to say I was not happy and she did not babysit them again

My advice - dont hire friends so close to home, you find out what people are like and makes you wonder about your friendship. Stay ignorant !

grajeshkannan

Considering me in that situation, if I'm financially stable I will not ask my friend to pay for that. These sort of accidents often happen with family members and we don't ask them money, though shout at them . But it is purely depends on how close is your friend to you, someone next to family ? or not a close friend ???. Ask this question, you might have the answer for this now.

system3

Something similar happened within my family (related by marriage) involving a minor bump to a car. The one who caused the damage works for a car repair company and offered to have it fixed at no cost but the car owner insisted that the car be fixed at a registered dealer and that the other party cover the full cost. This happened four years ago and, although the incident is never referred to and the two people never actually meet, there is still bad feeling within the family.
My own feeling is that personal relationships are generally more important than financial considerations. Perhaps you need to compare the loss of a vase with the potential loss of a friend.

sotrwuh

She was your friend first and employee second - would you ask her to pay for it if she was just visiting your house and accidentally broke it? If you make her pay, you'll lose a friend and employee - just claim on your house insurance for it!!!

wurley

All depends on how the friend reacted - lots of worry and remorse...let it go, its just stuff. :cool:

andyroberts1967

newtothemoneytips wrote: »

I was in a similar but awkward situation. I love my friend but she has no common sense, and it really winds my husband up. She came over to see me, and proceeded to dye her hair black in my living room, on my wooden floor. I was a bit taken aback by the lack of "can i dye my hair here" and when I asked her to do it in the bathroom, she told me she would be bored and "needs" to watch TV or she gets upset. She then tried to balance a decorative mirror against my quite expensive tv, and tried five times despite my husband saying - "dont do that, that will break the TV." Seeing that she wouldnt move, I got her a sheet to put on the floor so that she wouldnt damage my floor, as the house is also rented. She didnt use it, and when she flicked her head back, my floor, white walls and leather sofa were then sprayed with black hair dye. I, was very upset and my husband was lost for words. I received no apology, and she watched me (considering I have a physical disability as well) get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor. She just watched me. It took me forty minutes with everything in my cupboard to get most of it off, I had to repaint the wall at a later date. When I left the room, she said to my husband - "Do you think she is annoyed at me?" and then left the house without saying a word to me. She came back a week later and asked if I was going to apologise to her for making her uncomfortable in my house.



After that long story (sorry) - if your friend is inconsiderate about the whole thing, ask to replace. Did she stand there and watch you clean up the shards? Was she sorry? (i hope so, but my experience of a long term friendship would say its not always the case!)


On another matter, before this incident I also asked this woman to look after my children for the evening so I could actually go out (I struggle to afford childcare). When I came back the house was a mess and my children were hungry, I asked her what had happened. She said she couldnt be bothered to get up from the sofa to tidy her mess up (one example - She put her used plate under my sofa and left it there) and that she expected my eldest son to feed them. Hes not even in high school yet. Needless to say I was not happy and she did not babysit them again

My advice - dont hire friends so close to home, you find out what people are like and makes you wonder about your friendship. Stay ignorant !

My advice - get better friends!!

lyegreen

No, definitely not. Friendship is priceless and not everyone values possessions in the same way, it wouldn't worry me if a vase was broken.

CAR

Things happen, you should have sufficient insurance to cover things like this if you employ anybody in your house. Was her pay from you within the "black economy" did either of you pay any sort of tax? There should not be any expectation that she would replace the vase. I have been in similar situations with friends and broke a mirror moving a sofa from my house to hers (I was moving and gave it free), I replaced the mirror immediately so in effect my free gift to her cost me!

elizabethhull

newtothemoneytips wrote: »

I was in a similar but awkward situation. I love my friend but she has no common sense, and it really winds my husband up. She came over to see me, and proceeded to dye her hair black in my living room, on my wooden floor. I was a bit taken aback by the lack of "can i dye my hair here" and when I asked her to do it in the bathroom, she told me she would be bored and "needs" to watch TV or she gets upset. She then tried to balance a decorative mirror against my quite expensive tv, and tried five times despite my husband saying - "dont do that, that will break the TV." Seeing that she wouldnt move, I got her a sheet to put on the floor so that she wouldnt damage my floor, as the house is also rented. She didnt use it, and when she flicked her head back, my floor, white walls and leather sofa were then sprayed with black hair dye. I, was very upset and my husband was lost for words. I received no apology, and she watched me (considering I have a physical disability as well) get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor. She just watched me. It took me forty minutes with everything in my cupboard to get most of it off, I had to repaint the wall at a later date. When I left the room, she said to my husband - "Do you think she is annoyed at me?" and then left the house without saying a word to me. She came back a week later and asked if I was going to apologise to her for making her uncomfortable in my house.



After that long story (sorry) - if your friend is inconsiderate about the whole thing, ask to replace. Did she stand there and watch you clean up the shards? Was she sorry? (i hope so, but my experience of a long term friendship would say its not always the case!)


On another matter, before this incident I also asked this woman to look after my children for the evening so I could actually go out (I struggle to afford childcare). When I came back the house was a mess and my children were hungry, I asked her what had happened. She said she couldnt be bothered to get up from the sofa to tidy her mess up (one example - She put her used plate under my sofa and left it there) and that she expected my eldest son to feed them. Hes not even in high school yet. Needless to say I was not happy and she did not babysit them again

My advice - dont hire friends so close to home, you find out what people are like and makes you wonder about your friendship. Stay ignorant !

Am I the only one wondering why this woman is your friend ???