The (not so old) Crocks Cafe -Part 2

needing-help

bigzippy wrote: »

It takes time NH. lots of time. IMO it's a gradual process and somewhat of a grieving process, so don't distress yourself unduly.

I've been unable to work for coming up to 4 years now, and it hit me hard not being able to support myself or "be successful" or whatnot...then I had to get used to not being able to be a control freak about my environment (housework is far too taxing these days, esp when some days I don't even have what it takes to fix a sandwich), then I had to get used to my weight/size issues (with not being capable of preparing healthy meals or getting the required exercise), then I got wed and had to get used to the idea that the financial burden for the household was on someone else and I could do little to help (I was *fiercely* independant before)

...so, like I say, gradual process. It gets easier, mostly because you get used to it, but there are still times where I want to have a toddler-style strop with "it's not fair!!" tantrums

Good luck with your journey.

And :wave: to everyone else too

Oh, and now I want a chicken kebab

Thank you. You sound a lot like me I have gone from doing a well paid job I loved and being in total control of everything in my life (and dh life;)) to feeling useless and worthless.

I hate the state of my house but I just can't do what I used to. I can't even iron my hair anymore so clothes stand no chance.
My DH is wonderful and I have some really supportive friends but none of them know what it's really like.

Chicken kebab sounds good:T

LameWolf

NH, listen to BZ, she speaks a lot of sense. It is a grieving process. You've lost the healthy, active you, and have to get to know the new, not-so-active, must-pace-yourself you, if that makes sense.:o
I've been away from the workplace for a decade now; was retired on medical grounds, with both physical and mental health issues.

Strangely enough, I had a conversation with Mr LW last night, re the Gov't's plan to put us all through yet more medical hoops to keep our benefits; I honestly feel that I'm not robust enough, physically or mentally, to cope with that, and Mr LW has said that if it comes to it, he's happy to support me financially. I don't know whether to be happy or sad; it's great that he's prepared to do that, but not great that a) I might need him to or b) that I really am too poorly to work.

Getting your head around what you are able to do, and finding new ways of tackling other tasks will help - give yourself time, sometimes I suddenly have a lightbulb moment and think, Oh, if I do that task in this unconventional way, I can manage it.

Do, though, learn to pace yourself. This is important. (And then come back here and tell me how to do it!!:D)

If you want a friendly paw to hold along your journey, I'm here.:o

Indie_Kid

LameWolf wrote: »

Do, though, learn to pace yourself. This is important. (And then come back here and tell me how to do it!!:D)

I second this. I am currently almost 2 months (ouch!) into a flare-up. All because I went out for a few hours. I will never learn.:(

jennihen

needing-help wrote: »

Hello everyone. I keep reading the thread I'm just not posting at the moment as I am still struggling to come to terms with everything. I never thought I would need a disability board (Sorry that wasn't meant to offend:o)

How do people cope with being suddenly disabled. Is it just me being a drama queen and I need to get over it or is it normal.

Hang in there and don't give up hope. I despaired of ever feeling well again and being back in control of my house and my life. You just have to drop your standards!!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I'm kidding! You learn how to cope and adapt and even ask for help!
The first step is accepting that you are now playing a different game and acknowledging that some changes have to be made.

Best of luck
Jenni

suep

I still struggle with flare ups after 15 years. I've got nerve pain all down my right side and cant do anything much at the moment. I keep looking at the ironing pile and the dust everywhere and get so annoyed with myself, it doesn't do any good though. I find the best thing is distraction, find something to take your mind off the pain, either watching tv/dvds, reading, playing pointless games on Facebook ( my daughters trying to get me into them lol) or just listening to music, whatever does it for you. Of course if I paced myself properly and was more careful with what I do I wouldnt of ended up like this anyway Hopefully it will ease in a few days and I can get back to normal.
In the meantime I've got the washing machine repair man here and he hasn't stopped moaning about the job ggggrrrrr, what does he think he's paid for ! sorry , but I just cant relax when someone else is here.
Hope everyone else is having a better day

ash4becks

suep wrote: »

I still struggle with flare ups after 15 years. I've got nerve pain all down my right side and cant do anything much at the moment. I keep looking at the ironing pile and the dust everywhere and get so annoyed with myself, it doesn't do any good though. I find the best thing is distraction, find something to take your mind off the pain, either watching tv/dvds, reading, playing pointless games on Facebook ( my daughters trying to get me into them lol) or just listening to music, whatever does it for you. Of course if I paced myself properly and was more careful with what I do I wouldnt of ended up like this anyway Hopefully it will ease in a few days and I can get back to normal.
In the meantime I've got the washing machine repair man here and he hasn't stopped moaning about the job ggggrrrrr, what does he think he's paid for ! sorry , but I just cant relax when someone else is here.
Hope everyone else is having a better day

see if i were you i would tell the washing machine guy that if he wants paying then shutup and stop winging on over something so silly and have my life for a hour and that he is lucky enough to be working :rotfl:

Careful_with_that_Axe

Sometimes a stop/tantrum helps to get the emotions out. It does take time to adjust mentally and try to find your successes and self-worth in other ways - achieving something, however small, despite being poorly.

I've worked hard all my life and, having had to give up work 5 years ago, I struggle to feel a productive member of society, but I feed that "need" in different ways. Perhaps helping someone out in some small way - dog sitting for parents, swapping books/dvds with other people, taking time to talk to someone who is struggling, donating things to charity or freecycling, being as environmentally green as possible etc, babysitting. It's surprising how good little things like that can help you and make you feel you're still part of that big, wide world out there. As someone else said, you just have to adjust your thinking.

I still struggle a bit with "I didn't expect my life to turn out this way" at low times, but I think that's only a natural reaction to the situation we all find ourselves in.

It absolutely is a grieving process and you have to give yourself time top go through it.

One thing we all have in common here is to see the daft and ridiculous side of things like getting stuck in the bath or putting food in the bin instead of the freezer.

Smile at the little things like a sunny day, a beautiful flower or a child's laughter.
And try to make sense of my stream of consciousness ramblings! *g*

Trialia

Yeah... I'm still getting used to it. I started to get ill just before I left school, so I hardly even feel like an adult sometimes because there's so much regular-adult stuff I've missed to this point. It's not easy.

My rant for today, however, has more to do with the weather. *sigh!* Stupid damp. My arms and legs ache like mad and I can't take my morphine until I've eaten something, and I can't eat until I manage to make something as I don't have any cold-snack things left because Monday is my shopping day... Ugh! It's annoying. My hands even hurt typing, and my jaw has been trying to dislocate so much in the past couple of weeks that I don't dare try to use my headset.

I keep having to retype things. I don't make mistakes unless my hands hurt. *growl*

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

Trialia wrote: »

Yeah... I'm still getting used to it. I started to get ill just before I left school, so I hardly even feel like an adult sometimes because there's so much regular-adult stuff I've missed to this point. It's not easy.

My rant for today, however, has more to do with the weather. *sigh!* Stupid damp. My arms and legs ache like mad and I can't take my morphine until I've eaten something, and I can't eat until I manage to make something as I don't have any cold-snack things left because Monday is my shopping day... Ugh! It's annoying. My hands even hurt typing, and my jaw has been trying to dislocate so much in the past couple of weeks that I don't dare try to use my headset.

I keep having to retype things. I don't make mistakes unless my hands hurt. *growl*

Aww, im sorry to hear your having a bad day.

((Hugs))

LameWolf

suep wrote: »

In the meantime I've got the washing machine repair man here and he hasn't stopped moaning about the job ggggrrrrr, what does he think he's paid for ! sorry , but I just cant relax when someone else is here.
Hope everyone else is having a better day

Ooh, I sympathise! I've avoided SS like the plague, and bought the equipment I need out of my DLA myself, purely because I can't cope with the idea of a stranger "invading" my home and my privacy. At some stage we're going to have to get the kitchen refitted; it's the original stuff that was put in by the builders in the mid 70's, and it's falling apart. So far, I've been putting it off for about 6 years or so. Just can't face it!:eek::eek::eek:

Careful_with_that_Axe wrote: »

I've worked hard all my life and, having had to give up work 5 years ago, I struggle to feel a productive member of society, but I feed that "need" in different ways. Perhaps helping someone out in some small way - dog sitting for parents, swapping books/dvds with other people, taking time to talk to someone who is struggling, donating things to charity or freecycling, being as environmentally green as possible etc, babysitting. It's surprising how good little things like that can help you and make you feel you're still part of that big, wide world out there. As someone else said, you just have to adjust your thinking.

That's why I'm so grateful for dog-sitting opportunities - got a Cavalier King Charles coming on 8th August, for 9 days. Can't wait!:o

Careful_with_that_Axe wrote: »

One thing we all have in common here is to see the daft and ridiculous side of things like getting stuck in the bath or putting food in the bin instead of the freezer.

Here's a challenge: Can anyone beat the time I put a mesh bag of underwear in the fridge instead of the washing machine?:eek::D